When You Feel So Tired (Finished)

CHRIS is having trouble sleeping, but a house-sitting invitation from Jonny could change that.

It's a slash fic!

---

Chris laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He could not, no matter how hard he tried, get the image of Jonny out of his head. He tossed and turned, but those green eyes would not erase from his vision. Like it wasn't bad enough that he was in love with him, now his sleeping habits- which were already nowhere near normal- were being messed up.

So, he got out of bed, poured himself a glass of water, and really thought things through. Really thought things through. He didn't just give things a once-over, he sat down in the plastic chair by his kitchen table and mulled over everything.

Jonny was his best friend, and had been since they first met. All they'd ever been was friends. But he was totally in love with Jonny, and had been for... well, he wasn't really sure how long he'd been in love with Jonny, but he only recently realised it. Like, the day before. Jonny was telling Chris a story, and Chris was listening like he always did. But something felt different to him, and he couldn't help noticing the way Jonny's eyes lit up when he talked, and the way he giggled whenever Chris made a joke. He suddenly had this strange desire reach over and hold Jonny's hand, and kiss that pretty cheek of his.

Not that it mattered, though; Jonny was probably not interested in him in that way... right? There's always that 'you never know' thing, but it seemed a bit unlikely to Chris. He looked blankly around the room. It was getting light out now. Still no sleep.

Chris left the chair with the table and went back to his room. The bed looked so cozy and warm, but as he laid down it felt springy and cold. The insomnia was driving him crazy.

A few sleepless hours later, Chris went to the Beehive. They were all supposed to meet there that day to see how it was shaping up. It looked no less skanky than it had the last time they checked on it, a few days prior. While he was standing and observing the work in progress, a friendly face appeared.

"Hi, Chris," Jonny said, and Chris had to fight the wave of ardency that washed over him as he watched the man walk up.

"Hi, Jonny," he beamed. Jonny looked at him with quite a puzzled look on his face, and for a few moments Chris feared that his emotions were seeping through his face.

"Did you get any sleep? You've got, like, really dark circles under your eyes." Chris felt himself involuntarily touch his eye.

"Uh... you know. All this excitement," he said, waving at the Beehive, "sometimes it's hard to sleep."

"It is kinda exciting," Jonny nodded. "When are the other guys supposed to come here?"

"I'm not sure," Chris shrugged. "To be honest, I don't even know what time it is now."

"It's, like, nine-ish," Jonny said. He took a deep breath and continued, "Are you doing anything this weekend?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"I have to house-sit- well, cabin-sit for my sister and I was wondering if you wanted to come along. Keep me company."

"Yeah," Chris immediately said. "Sure." Jonny grinned.

"All right. This is gonna be fun. It's about an hour drive from here, so it's not too far, really. And we'll only be there for the weekend."

"Sounds good."

For the next hour, Chris and Jonny chatted about little things, and commented on the status of their new headquarters ("It's skankier than that girl who's always outside my apartment." "The one with that really ugly leopard-print tank top?" "Yeah, her." "...Is it even possible to be skankier than that?"), until Guy and Will showed up. Once they were all there, they decided to take a brief tour of the inside.

As expected, there were lots of construction-related objects spread about the place. Saws, hammers, nails, paint cans, paint brushes, bits of wood everywhere, and everything was covered in sawdust, it seemed. After spending only a few short minutes inside, the men were all covered in sawdust, too. But the atmosphere was full of intense excitement, and each and every one of them knew that fantastic things were going to happen there.

"You guys, this is gonna be so fucking cool," Chris said as he bounced along. "We're going to make the most amazing record ever, and it's all gonna be done right here. This is so fucking awesome!"

"Yeah, you say that now, Chris," Will said, "but once we get in here you'll hate everything we come up with."

Normally Chris would have taken slight offense to such a thing and laughed anyway, but this time he didn't give a damn. He really did feel like something great was going to happen. Of course, he did momentarily believe that his inklings were just a product of a lack of sleep, but he still was under the impression that greatness was soon to be upon them.

There wasn't much to do after their look around, so they all ended up going their separate ways. Chris walked back to his apartment, full of excitement, and thought about trying to take a nap. He was dead tired, and even though he was quite hyper, he figured he might be able to get some sleep now. He was wrong, of course.

-

Friday night, Chris waited on the step of his apartment building for Jonny. His suitcase was sitting patiently beside him. He wasn't sure how he was gonna handle an entire weekend alone with Jonny; the mere thought of it was both terrifying and exciting.

Eventually, a rather fancy-looking, blue Buick drove up the street. Jonny expertly pulled up alongside the sidewalk and stepped out of the car.

"You ready?" he asked as he stopped in front of Chris.

"Yeah," Chris answered, standing up and reaching for his suitcase, though Jonny had already grabbed it.

"I'll take care of this, you can just get in the car." Chris graciously nodded and sat shotgun. The trunk of the car slammed a few minutes later, and Jonny was soon seated next to him. He turned the key in the ignition and looked up in the rear-view mirror. After checking all was clear, he turned around in his seat and backed the car out of the space. Soon they were bustling along down the road, the sound of the radio dully playing in the background.

"Nice car," Chris said so awkwardly it was almost painful.

"Thanks. It's actually my sister's. I guess she decided to get a rental and lent me this while I'm watching her place."

"Why does she need you to watch her cabin, anyway?"

"I guess there have been some, uh..." Jonny cleared his throat and continued, "robberies in that area recently, and... Well, the thing is, it's a cabin technically, but she lives there all the time. But she's going away this weekend for something or another and wanted to make sure that someone could be there to fend off the burglars."

"Shouldn't that be something that you tell people before you ask them to cabin-sit with you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want to scare you off. I don't think I could handle staying there by myself, it would be so boring. Plus, now there's two of us to fend off the burglars. And we get to spend time together."

"I do like spending time with you," Chris boldly admitted.

"Good, because there's something else I've got to tell you."

"Which is?"

"There's only one bedroom."

"Jonny!"

"Well, there's a couch, too, if it bothers you so much. But we'll have to flip a coin."

Chris mock-pouted. "I'm being so nice, spending the weekend with you so you won't get bored, and you're not gonna offer me the bedroom?"

"Guilting me, are you?" Jonny asked, laughing, but at the same time rolling his eyes. "Fine, you can take the room."

"Aw, you're so kind, Jonny."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're making dinner."

Chris crinkled his nose. "Is that a good idea?"

"...You're ordering pizza for us." Chris laughed, and turned to Jonny. It was dark now, the streetlights were on, and Jonny's face was only half-lit. Yet, it had this astonishing beauteous effect. Chris's stomach flipped, and he knew he was definitely in for a long weekend. He was at least glad that they weren't going to be sharing a room that presumably had only one bed; not that he wouldn't have liked that, it just would have made controlling himself a thousand times harder. "Are you still alive?"

"Huh? Oh. Um... yeah. How much longer 'til we're there?"

"Chris, we've only been driving for, like, ten minutes. Bored of me already?"

"No, of course not."

"You know, if you want, you can take a nap and I'll wake you up when we get there."

Uh oh, dangerous territory. Chris shook his head. "It's OK."

"Uh huh. When's the last time you actually got any sleep?"

"Jonny, it's fine." Part of the reason he evaded the question was because he wasn't sure what the answer was. Despite his best efforts at getting some shut-eye, he had only slept maybe once or twice over the course of five days, and each time was only for an hour or so, before he woke up and stayed that way.

"I'm not blind! You obviously haven't slept in days. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong... just... different, I guess."

"What is it? You can trust me, you know."

"I do trust you, I just don't feel like talking about it right now."

"Fair enough. But when you do feel like talking about it, I'm here for you."

"Thank you."

"No problem. Now go to sleep."

Chris did as he was told, though reluctant, and rested his head against the window. He knew that sleep would not come to him no matter how much he wanted it. He closed his eyes, though, and pretended for Jonny's sake.

About forty minutes later, Chris felt a gentle tap on his shoulder.

"Hey, man, wake up. We're here." Quickly remembering that he was supposed to have been asleep, he mumbled groggily for a few seconds before opening his eyes and blinking sleepily.

"Hm?"

"We're here. Come on, we'll go inside, you can go back to sleep, and I'll get the stuff out of the trunk in the morning."

"Mm-kay." Chris continued his faux sleepiness and stumbled out of the car. He began to regret it, though, when he felt Jonny's hand on his back, leading him up the stone walkway. He kept his head down and his eyes closed as the jittery feeling in his stomach intensified. Before he knew it, the stone was replaced with carpet, and the dark starry night was replaced with a 60-watt light bulb. Jonny closed the door behind them as his sister greeted them with a warm smile.

"You're here! Good. How was the trip?" she asked.

"It's only an hour-long ride, it's not like anything exciting happened. In fact, Chris slept most of the way," Jonny said, pointing to Chris. "Which reminds me, he's still kinda out of it. He's gonna be taking your room, is that all right?"

"Yeah, of course. Um," she turned to Chris, "it's right down that hall over there, the second door to the left."

"Thanks," Chris mumbled, and received a smile from Jonny's sister. He followed her directions, and within no time was walking through the door into the decent-sized room. There was a bed, a few drawers and tables, and a lamp filling the space. It looked rather cozy. He prepared himself to lay in the bed, though he knew that it wasn't worth it. From the other room, he could hear Jonny and his sister chatting, and at one point she was laughing her head off.

"OK, well, I'm gonna get going now. Thank you so much for doing this," she said.

"It's not a problem," Jonny replied.

"Thank Chris for me, too, eh? I'll see you Sunday night, then."

"Have fun."

"You, too." Then there was the sound of the door opening and closing, the engine of a car revving, and eventually silence returned. Chris figured Jonny would have stayed out in the other room and gone to sleep, but he found that wasn't the case.

"Hey, Chris?" Jonny said, standing in the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"Um..." Jonny paused for what seemed like ages. "Goodnight."

"Night, Jonny," Chris replied. He snuggled down under the covers, fluffed the pillow a bit, and stared at the wall. Jonny closed the door as he left, and Chris whispered, "I love you."

-

The next morning Jonny tiredly shuffled into the kitchen. Chris was already seated at the table, an empty, used plate in front of him.

"Morning, Jonny!" Chris beamed. "I made some... well, I was going to make you some breakfast, but I didn't know where anything was, and I can't cook, so I just ordered some pizza."

"Pizza? What time is it?"

"A little after noon," Chris replied. "I would have woken you up earlier, but you looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Oh. Well, thanks," Jonny said, absentmindedly running a hand over his bedhead. He really was grateful that Chris had let him sleep, since he'd been up half the night... but Chris didn't need to know that. He had problems of his own to deal with, and Jonny never wanted to be a burden. So, he sat down next to Chris, grabbed a slice of the delicious-smelling pizza, and filled his stomach.

"This is a nice place," Chris said. Jonny nodded and swallowed the last bit of the slice of pizza he was working on.

"Yeah, my sister's got a nice taste in houses. And have you seen the yard?" Chris shook his head. "You've got to see it. It's so... Come on!"

Jonny quickly stood up and pulled Chris to the back door. Chris smiled to himself as they stood on the porch, Jonny still grasping Chris's wrist, and looked out over the yard. It was huge, and green as far as the eye could see. Though he relished the idea of letting Jonny hold onto him forever, Chris wriggled his arm free and bolted down the stairs. He didn't stop until he reached what appeared to be the middle of the vast yard.

He paused, covering his stomach with his hand and trying to catch his breath. He wondered if Jonny had bothered to follow him, and a few moments later he felt the air move as Jonny stopped next to him.

"That was fun," Chris laughed, his wide eyes full of vitality. It amazed him how he could have so much energy without having slept very much at all for nearly a week. But he attributed his sudden surge of stamina to being around Jonny. He was like a drug, and Chris certainly liked the high he felt.

"Yeah, for you," Jonny laughed back. Chris admired the way Jonny's chest rose and fell with every breath he took, and the way he showed his teeth when he laughed.

"I'll race you back."

"What's the point? We both know you're gonna win."

"Hmm... fine," Chris said, and he collapsed in the grass. He stretched out, crossed his right leg over his left, and placed his hands behind his head. "Then we'll just stay here."

Jonny joined him, laying so close that Chris thought he was going to have a heart attack. He enjoyed every minute of it, though, and smiled up at the clouds as his heart continued to pound in his chest. Every now and then he'd glance at Jonny, who always seemed to be staring at the clouds very pensively.

"You're awfully quiet," Jonny said some time later.

"So are you," Chris replied.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's always talking." Jonny turned his head to Chris and told him, "That's you." Chris could feel Jonny's breath as he spoke, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Good point. But sometimes, things don't need to be said. It's nice to just... enjoy the silence." Chris tried to convey his every thought through his eyes, and by the look on Jonny's face he seemed to be nearly successful, until Jonny looked back up at the sky.

"Oh my God, it's a giraffe," Jonny said in pure amazement. Chris couldn't help laughing and Jonny's ridiculous statement, though he looked to see the giraffe floating along in the sky.

"Oh, I see it! And it looks like it's eating that poor turtle."

"That's not a turtle, that's a frog. And I think it looks more like they're... I don't even know."

"Clouds are funny things, aren't they?" Chris mused.

"Yeah, they are," Jonny agreed, and he moved his hands from his stomach to the ground, grazing Chris's thigh as he did so. Chris was sure that it was an accident, but he couldn't handle it either way.

"I'm tired of staring of clouds, let's go back inside," he said, jumping up and jogging back to the house before Jonny even had time to respond. He rested in the kitchen, hungrily grabbed another slice of the pizza that was laying on the table, and waited for Jonny to return. Judging by Jonny's calmness when he entered the room and the fact that Chris was able to eat the entire slice, he figured that Jonny had probably walked back.

"Chris, you're too much," he said as he sat down beside Chris. "I don't know how you do it."

"I don't know either," Chris said, completely honest. "But I'm OK with it."

"Do you know how hard it is to keep up with you sometimes?"

"Pretty hard, I guess. If it makes you happy, I won't be hyperactive for the rest of the day." Jonny chuckled and nodded. Chris smiled, and wondered to himself what would happen if he were to tell Jonny everything. Oh, and how lovely it would be for Jonny to return his feelings.

He didn't tell him, of course, because he was far too frightened. Instead, they spent the rest of the daylight hours just talking about nothing, wandering about the house, and just generally enjoying each other's company. 

Later on in the evening, Chris and Jonny were sitting in the living room, reading excerpts from various books around the room in various foreign accents. It was so entertaining that at one point they were both doubled over, laughing. After a certain amount of time, Jonny found himself needing to use the bathroom, so he excused himself and left Chris alone in the living room. Not surprisingly, Chris was not there when he came back.

"Chris? I thought you said you wouldn't be hyper for the rest of the day," Jonny said as he walked around the house. He couldn't find Chris, though, even after he'd searched nearly every room. He checked the living room once more, and caught a glimpse of something outside the window. He looked more closely to see that it was a mop of hair.

"I see you found me," Chris said as Jonny walked out onto the front porch. Chris was sitting at the edge of the stairs, knees scrunched up to his chest, staring up at the sky. Jonny sat down next to him and looked up.

"Why'd you come out here?" Jonny asked. Chris looked over at him. They were both bathed in moonlight, but Chris's interest was purely in how Jonny looked. The light hit Jonny's eyes and the green shone brightly through the dark.

"I got tired of being in there," Chris simply said.

"Well, it is pretty wonderful out here."

Chris, still mesmerized by Jonny, slowly nodded. "Yeah, it's absolutely beautiful."

-

It was two o'clock in the morning. Unsurprisingly, Chris was still awake, though he'd changed positions more than once throughout the night. Everything was quite, except for one tiny little noise. It worried Chris a bit, since the noise came out of nowhere, and he'd been on edge since Jonny told him about the robberies. And the noise sounded like footsteps.

Then suddenly a head peeked into the room. It just stayed there, staring. Chris looked over at the doorway, and the head grew a body.

"You're awake?" Jonny whispered.

"Yeah," Chris said. Jonny took a few steps into the room.

"Couldn't sleep, either?"

"No."  For the longest time, the room was filled with complete silence. If it hadn't been for the tiny bit of moonlight shining through the curtain, Chris would have wondered if Jonny was even in the room still.

"Can we talk?" Jonny finally spoke. Chris sat up and left enough room for Jonny to sit next to him.

"Yeah, come on," he said, patting the empty space. Jonny walked over and sat down.

"You didn't sleep in the car." Before Chris could say anything, Jonny continued, "I know you didn't, so you don't have to lie or anything."

"I didn't sleep, no," Chris said, plucking at the comforter.

"Is there anything you need to talk about? Anything you want to talk about? I know yesterday you said you didn't feel like talking, but... I'm just worried about you." Jonny placed his hand dangerously close to Chris's. "Because you're my best friend."

Maybe the result of his tiredness and frustration, Chris let his emotions go and burst into tears. "I can't sleep, I've tried, but my body just wont let me do it. It's been this way since last Sunday, and I've only gotten, like, three hours of sleep." He felt ridiculous sitting there and crying his eyes out, so he hid his face in his hands.

"Three hours? Chris, how are you still alive?"

"I don't know! And the worst part is, I know why I can't sleep, but I can't do anything about it."

"What's the reason?"

"I've been, like... b-bottling something up, but I can't just let it out. But I also can't sleep because of it." And just then, Jonny realized why he'd had trouble sleeping. He was hiding something, too.

"Chris..." Chris sniffed and waited for Jonny, whose head was also down, to continue. "I love you."

Chris lifted his head, but didn't say anything for a long time, mostly out of pure shock. When he finally decided that what he heard was real, he leaned forward and tried to catch Jonny's eyes. "I love you, too," he said, and Jonny looked up. There was a sort of glimmer in Chris's eyes, and Jonny thought it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He reached over and wiped the tears from Chris's cheeks, then gently kissed him.

"I'll be right back," Jonny whispered, and rushed out of the room to do God knows what. Chris sank under the covers and stared into the darkness, thinking about how lucky he was and how great things were going. But he wasn't thinking for long, and by the time Jonny returned, Chris was fast asleep.

Jonny laid beside Chris as close as he could get, until their bodies were nearly touching. Then he moved his arm and carefully placed his hand on Chris's hip. He thought about staying up all night and just absorbing the intoxicating sight of Chris, but he found himself unable to keep his eyes open. Soon enough, he let his eyelids fall and joined Chris in the deep sleep that they both so desperately needed.