CHRIS is sick of hiding his relationship with Jonny, so he breaks it off.
It's a slash fic!
---
Jonny sat on the floor of his flat, absentmindedly staring at the wall. He'd been sitting like that for three hours.
Three hours. It had already been three hours since Chris left. Jonny still couldn't comprehend what had happened. They were so happy together. He thought they were, anyway. Just a few days before Chris was telling him he loved him, and that nothing would ever change that. He was gone now.
Earlier that day, Jonny had been playing a soccer match against Will. He lost. As he walked home, he thought about calling Chris to see if he wanted to hang out that night. To his surprise (and delight), he opened his door to see that Chris was already there. He was sitting on a chair up against the wall.
"Hey-" Jonny happily began, until he noticed that Chris was crying. "What's wrong?"
"I can't do this anymore, Jonny," Chris muttered.
"Do what?"
"This. Us." Chris looked up at Jonny. His eyes were watery, and his cheeks were red from wiping the tears away. "I'm sorry, but it's just draining all my energy to have to lie and sneak around all the time."
"But we agreed. We agreed that we shouldn't tell anyone else."
"I know, and at the time it's what I wanted. Well, it's what you wanted, but I was OK with it." Chris took a deep breath and continued, "It's just too much for me to handle now. I'm sorry."
"Are you saying you want to... to end it?" Jonny asked.
"I'm sorry," Chris repeated, standing up to Jonny and placing his hand on Jonny's cheek. He stared deeply into the green eyes he loved so much. It had taken him the entire afternoon to reach the conclusion that leaving Jonny would be the best decision, but it completely tore him up to do so. "I'd kiss you goodbye if I thought it wouldn't hurt... Bye, Jonny. I'll see you in a few days."
Chris removed his hand, then sadly left. As soon as he heard the door close, Jonny sank to the floor, where he stayed for three hours. All he did was stare across the room. He didn't even cry. He couldn't even cry. There were no tears inside him, just emptiness.
He had always been afraid that something like this would happen one day, but he just figured that when it did happen they would tell everyone and the problem would be solved. Nothing was solved now. Jonny still didn't want other people to know, because he was afraid of the possibility that someone would try to take his happiness away. But it was gone anyway, and it wasn't coming back. Chris wasn't coming back.
Three hours. It had already been three hours since Chris left. Jonny still couldn't comprehend what had happened. They were so happy together. He thought they were, anyway. Just a few days before Chris was telling him he loved him, and that nothing would ever change that. He was gone now.
Earlier that day, Jonny had been playing a soccer match against Will. He lost. As he walked home, he thought about calling Chris to see if he wanted to hang out that night. To his surprise (and delight), he opened his door to see that Chris was already there. He was sitting on a chair up against the wall.
"Hey-" Jonny happily began, until he noticed that Chris was crying. "What's wrong?"
"I can't do this anymore, Jonny," Chris muttered.
"Do what?"
"This. Us." Chris looked up at Jonny. His eyes were watery, and his cheeks were red from wiping the tears away. "I'm sorry, but it's just draining all my energy to have to lie and sneak around all the time."
"But we agreed. We agreed that we shouldn't tell anyone else."
"I know, and at the time it's what I wanted. Well, it's what you wanted, but I was OK with it." Chris took a deep breath and continued, "It's just too much for me to handle now. I'm sorry."
"Are you saying you want to... to end it?" Jonny asked.
"I'm sorry," Chris repeated, standing up to Jonny and placing his hand on Jonny's cheek. He stared deeply into the green eyes he loved so much. It had taken him the entire afternoon to reach the conclusion that leaving Jonny would be the best decision, but it completely tore him up to do so. "I'd kiss you goodbye if I thought it wouldn't hurt... Bye, Jonny. I'll see you in a few days."
Chris removed his hand, then sadly left. As soon as he heard the door close, Jonny sank to the floor, where he stayed for three hours. All he did was stare across the room. He didn't even cry. He couldn't even cry. There were no tears inside him, just emptiness.
He had always been afraid that something like this would happen one day, but he just figured that when it did happen they would tell everyone and the problem would be solved. Nothing was solved now. Jonny still didn't want other people to know, because he was afraid of the possibility that someone would try to take his happiness away. But it was gone anyway, and it wasn't coming back. Chris wasn't coming back.
-
Chris, Guy, and Jonny were sitting in the Bakery, waiting for Will. Jonny was strumming a few notes on his guitar, Chris was writing in a notebook, and Guy was pestering Chris.
"What's that?" Guy asked, pointing at the paper. "Did you write anything new?"
"It's nothing," Chris replied, still scribbling away.
"Oh, come on, let me see!" Guy snatched the notebook from Chris' hands, and started flipping through the pages. After a dozen or so, he stopped and looked up at Chris tiredly. "All this says is 'You ripped my heart out' over and over... and over."
"I told you it was nothing," Chris mumbled. Guy continued to search the notebook.
"Chris, there's, like, eighty pages of this shit! Killing trees much? I thought you cared about the environment."
"I do, I've just been feeling depressed."
"Yeah, I'll say." Suddenly, there was a crash from Jonny's direction. Guy and Chris looked over at him to see that he'd dropped his guitar. "Jon, are you OK?"
"Um... yeah," Jonny replied, picking up the fallen instrument. "I guess it just slipped out of my hands."
"Isn't that what they put straps on the guitars for?"
"I suppose," Jonny sheepishly said, lowering his head in embarrassment. Guy turned back to Chris and threw the notebook at him.
"Well, anyway, depressed or not, can't you write more than just that one line?"
"I guess I could try," Chris said, opening to a blank page. "How about this? You ripped my heart out... I'm bleeding everywhere..." He paused and looked at Jonny, who had gone back to quietly strumming his guitar. "But I look at you, I can see you still care."
"I would have to say that's brilliant. You're a genius, you know that?" Guy asked, patting Chris on the back.
"No, I'm not."
"Why are you depressed?" Guy asked in a much more serious tone.
"You know me, I go through mood swings all the time," Chris half-heartedly smiled. "I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days."
He kept telling himself that. A few days, and everything would be better. The pain would go away. And he did what he had to do. It hurt to be with Jonny, too, and to have to hide it. If he didn't have to worry about that, then life would be much simpler.
Deep down, though, he knew he was just lying to himself. Every single day he would be tortured by the fact that he couldn't express his feelings for Jonny in front of other people, but at the end of the day he belonged to Jonny, and that was enough to make him forget. Without Jonny, the pain was worse, and there was nothing to make him forget.
"What's that?" Guy asked, pointing at the paper. "Did you write anything new?"
"It's nothing," Chris replied, still scribbling away.
"Oh, come on, let me see!" Guy snatched the notebook from Chris' hands, and started flipping through the pages. After a dozen or so, he stopped and looked up at Chris tiredly. "All this says is 'You ripped my heart out' over and over... and over."
"I told you it was nothing," Chris mumbled. Guy continued to search the notebook.
"Chris, there's, like, eighty pages of this shit! Killing trees much? I thought you cared about the environment."
"I do, I've just been feeling depressed."
"Yeah, I'll say." Suddenly, there was a crash from Jonny's direction. Guy and Chris looked over at him to see that he'd dropped his guitar. "Jon, are you OK?"
"Um... yeah," Jonny replied, picking up the fallen instrument. "I guess it just slipped out of my hands."
"Isn't that what they put straps on the guitars for?"
"I suppose," Jonny sheepishly said, lowering his head in embarrassment. Guy turned back to Chris and threw the notebook at him.
"Well, anyway, depressed or not, can't you write more than just that one line?"
"I guess I could try," Chris said, opening to a blank page. "How about this? You ripped my heart out... I'm bleeding everywhere..." He paused and looked at Jonny, who had gone back to quietly strumming his guitar. "But I look at you, I can see you still care."
"I would have to say that's brilliant. You're a genius, you know that?" Guy asked, patting Chris on the back.
"No, I'm not."
"Why are you depressed?" Guy asked in a much more serious tone.
"You know me, I go through mood swings all the time," Chris half-heartedly smiled. "I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days."
He kept telling himself that. A few days, and everything would be better. The pain would go away. And he did what he had to do. It hurt to be with Jonny, too, and to have to hide it. If he didn't have to worry about that, then life would be much simpler.
Deep down, though, he knew he was just lying to himself. Every single day he would be tortured by the fact that he couldn't express his feelings for Jonny in front of other people, but at the end of the day he belonged to Jonny, and that was enough to make him forget. Without Jonny, the pain was worse, and there was nothing to make him forget.
-
BEEEEEP! The sound of Jonny's alarm rang through his tiny bedroom.
Jonny abruptly slipped out of unconsciousness, and groggily opened his eyes. Four hours is not nearly enough sleep for a man with his lifestyle, but he had no choice but to rise out of bed.
It had been a week since he and Chris broke up. The last time they saw each other was that day in the Bakery, and Chris barely said two words to him. His body language spoke wonders, though. While he shied away from getting too close to Jonny, he always seemed to be facing him. It pained him greatly to see Chris in such a state. The blue eyes that were once so bright and full of life had appeared dull and sad. Even his voice had been lacking in the cheery tone it usually exerted.
As he made his way to the bathroom, Jonny spotted the chair that Chris had sat in the last time he'd been in the apartment. He missed seeing and talking to Chris everyday. They'd been best friends for years, and now it was as if they were only distant friends.
There was a tiny glimmer of hope, though. The previous day, Jonny entered his apartment to find a message on his answering machine. While it was just a message informing him of a band meeting the next day, hearing Chris' voice deliver the words lightened his heart a bit. Sure, it sounded purely professional, but Guy or Will could have easily called to tell him.
Needing to prepare himself for the day, he walked into the bathroom and immediately ran the water in the sink. He cupped his hands under the faucet and splashed his face a few times. He looked up at the mirror and noticed that he looked quite tired. He felt tired, too. He'd been up most of the night, agonizing over what would happen during the meeting. Ever since he received the call from Chris telling him about it, he kept asking himself the same question: Should he tell him how he felt? It might not even do any good, especially if he still wasn't ready to publicly display their relationship. On the other hand, if you never try, then you never know, right?
He ran a hand through his mess of hair, which he was probably going to shove under a cap later. As he did so, he continued to think things through. What would he even say? 'Oh, hey, Chris, I feel like shit right now, take me back! But you still can't be happy, because we still can't tell anyone.' That's just too selfish. Unfortunately, it was true.
Then again, he could always just suck it up and allow other people to know. It was an absolutely terrifying idea, but he thought he might be able to take that risk, just to be able to have Chris again. In fact, he'd give anything just to be able to have Chris again.
Jonny abruptly slipped out of unconsciousness, and groggily opened his eyes. Four hours is not nearly enough sleep for a man with his lifestyle, but he had no choice but to rise out of bed.
It had been a week since he and Chris broke up. The last time they saw each other was that day in the Bakery, and Chris barely said two words to him. His body language spoke wonders, though. While he shied away from getting too close to Jonny, he always seemed to be facing him. It pained him greatly to see Chris in such a state. The blue eyes that were once so bright and full of life had appeared dull and sad. Even his voice had been lacking in the cheery tone it usually exerted.
As he made his way to the bathroom, Jonny spotted the chair that Chris had sat in the last time he'd been in the apartment. He missed seeing and talking to Chris everyday. They'd been best friends for years, and now it was as if they were only distant friends.
There was a tiny glimmer of hope, though. The previous day, Jonny entered his apartment to find a message on his answering machine. While it was just a message informing him of a band meeting the next day, hearing Chris' voice deliver the words lightened his heart a bit. Sure, it sounded purely professional, but Guy or Will could have easily called to tell him.
Needing to prepare himself for the day, he walked into the bathroom and immediately ran the water in the sink. He cupped his hands under the faucet and splashed his face a few times. He looked up at the mirror and noticed that he looked quite tired. He felt tired, too. He'd been up most of the night, agonizing over what would happen during the meeting. Ever since he received the call from Chris telling him about it, he kept asking himself the same question: Should he tell him how he felt? It might not even do any good, especially if he still wasn't ready to publicly display their relationship. On the other hand, if you never try, then you never know, right?
He ran a hand through his mess of hair, which he was probably going to shove under a cap later. As he did so, he continued to think things through. What would he even say? 'Oh, hey, Chris, I feel like shit right now, take me back! But you still can't be happy, because we still can't tell anyone.' That's just too selfish. Unfortunately, it was true.
Then again, he could always just suck it up and allow other people to know. It was an absolutely terrifying idea, but he thought he might be able to take that risk, just to be able to have Chris again. In fact, he'd give anything just to be able to have Chris again.
-
"I've got to tell you something, Jonny." Guy and Jonny were patiently waiting for the other two members to arrive.
"What is it?"
"This isn't really going to be a band meeting."
"What do you mean?" Jonny asked.
"I told Chris we should all get together for a meeting, and told him to call you and I'd call Will... but I didn't call Will."
"Why not?"
"You'll see," Guy replied. At that precise moment, Chris entered the room, his eyes widened in a crazed-looking manner.
"What's wrong with you?" Guy asked.
"I haven't slept in four days."
"Are you serious?"
"I've tried, but I just can't sleep," Chris said, shaking his head. "I keep thinking about... things." Guy slammed his hand down on the table next to him, startling both Jonny and Chris.
"This has gone on long enough. Sit down. And you," Guy pointed at Jonny, "you sit down next to him."
They did as Guy said, taking a seat on the sofa that was pushed into the corner of the room. Chris sat down first, as he was originally closer to the sofa, and when Jonny sat his hand briefly brushed against Chris' leg. The innocent touch sent a burst of sorrow through Chris' heart. Guy soon followed the pair, though he remained standing, pacing the floor in front of them.
"The past week, you two have been acting... strange," he began. "Different. And not good, either. Jonny, you're dropping things left and right. Chris, you look like you've seen some old lady naked. And you're both ignoring each other. None of this is good for anyone, so please, PLEASE, talk it out." Neither Chris nor Jonny spoke, forcing Guy to once again take charge. "Now?"
"Real good it did, huh? You certainly look a thousand times better," Jonny snapped with bitter sarcasm.
"Everything's worse," Chris admitted. "I didn't know it could be worse, but it is."
"It was that bad before?"
"Have..." Chris began, then sighed deeply. "Having to hide it... makes me feel like this is something I should be ashamed of. But it's not something I should be ashamed of, right?"
"Of course not."
"Then... t-the fact that you w-want to hide it," Chris said, his voice beginning to shake, tears welling in his eyes. "It j-just seems like you actually are ashamed. I feel horrible because of that."
"I'm not, I swear. Why didn't you tell me you thought that?"
"Because it's not that easy. Everyone says I'm sensitive, but that doesn't mean I can tell anyone how I feel at any given time, you know?" Chris looked at Jonny, the tears now streaming as he added in a husky voice, "And I was afraid it was true."
Jonny grabbed Chris' hand with both of his and held it close to his chest. "No, it's not true at all. I just didn't want anyone to try to take you away from me."
"Jonny, no one could take me away from you." Jonny placed a kiss on Chris' hand, then moved his own and gently wiped away the tears that were falling down Chris' cheek.
"You guys!" Chris and Jonny looked over at Guy, who had pulled a chair up to the sofa and was covering his mouth with his hand, his eyes glassy and filled with a touched expression. "I had no idea..."
"Of course you had no idea, we were hiding it," Jonny said.
"Yeah, from your best friends! Harsh."
"Well, now you know."
"Will doesn't, though."
"Where is he, anyway?" Chris unknowingly asked.
"Oh. About that... he's not coming."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't ask him to."
"What?"
"Look, someone had to do something to get you guys talking to each other again. Balance needed to be restored to the universe!" Guy exclaimed. "And it looks like it has. You guys! I can't believe this. You're too cute!"
"You're too enthusiastic, I think."
"Oh, shut up," Guy laughed. "You didn't have to hide anything, you know. Will and I wouldn't care, silly."
"I know," Jonny said. "I'm sorry, Chris, for everything I put you through. I should have... I don't know, I should have known you'd feel that way."
"I'm sorry, too, Jonny. I don't expect you to know how I feel all the time, and I guess I should have told you earlier rather than take such... drastic measures."
"Promise we'll never let anything like this happen again?"
"Promise," Chris smiled, wrapping his arms around Jonny. "Nothing will ever come between us again."
"Aww!" Guy squeaked, practically looking like a fangirl with front row seats to a Jonny/Chris love-fest. In fact, he looked so ridiculous that the only thing any of them could do was laugh.
"What is it?"
"This isn't really going to be a band meeting."
"What do you mean?" Jonny asked.
"I told Chris we should all get together for a meeting, and told him to call you and I'd call Will... but I didn't call Will."
"Why not?"
"You'll see," Guy replied. At that precise moment, Chris entered the room, his eyes widened in a crazed-looking manner.
"What's wrong with you?" Guy asked.
"I haven't slept in four days."
"Are you serious?"
"I've tried, but I just can't sleep," Chris said, shaking his head. "I keep thinking about... things." Guy slammed his hand down on the table next to him, startling both Jonny and Chris.
"This has gone on long enough. Sit down. And you," Guy pointed at Jonny, "you sit down next to him."
They did as Guy said, taking a seat on the sofa that was pushed into the corner of the room. Chris sat down first, as he was originally closer to the sofa, and when Jonny sat his hand briefly brushed against Chris' leg. The innocent touch sent a burst of sorrow through Chris' heart. Guy soon followed the pair, though he remained standing, pacing the floor in front of them.
"The past week, you two have been acting... strange," he began. "Different. And not good, either. Jonny, you're dropping things left and right. Chris, you look like you've seen some old lady naked. And you're both ignoring each other. None of this is good for anyone, so please, PLEASE, talk it out." Neither Chris nor Jonny spoke, forcing Guy to once again take charge. "Now?"
"Real good it did, huh? You certainly look a thousand times better," Jonny snapped with bitter sarcasm.
"Everything's worse," Chris admitted. "I didn't know it could be worse, but it is."
"It was that bad before?"
"Have..." Chris began, then sighed deeply. "Having to hide it... makes me feel like this is something I should be ashamed of. But it's not something I should be ashamed of, right?"
"Of course not."
"Then... t-the fact that you w-want to hide it," Chris said, his voice beginning to shake, tears welling in his eyes. "It j-just seems like you actually are ashamed. I feel horrible because of that."
"I'm not, I swear. Why didn't you tell me you thought that?"
"Because it's not that easy. Everyone says I'm sensitive, but that doesn't mean I can tell anyone how I feel at any given time, you know?" Chris looked at Jonny, the tears now streaming as he added in a husky voice, "And I was afraid it was true."
Jonny grabbed Chris' hand with both of his and held it close to his chest. "No, it's not true at all. I just didn't want anyone to try to take you away from me."
"Jonny, no one could take me away from you." Jonny placed a kiss on Chris' hand, then moved his own and gently wiped away the tears that were falling down Chris' cheek.
"You guys!" Chris and Jonny looked over at Guy, who had pulled a chair up to the sofa and was covering his mouth with his hand, his eyes glassy and filled with a touched expression. "I had no idea..."
"Of course you had no idea, we were hiding it," Jonny said.
"Yeah, from your best friends! Harsh."
"Well, now you know."
"Will doesn't, though."
"Where is he, anyway?" Chris unknowingly asked.
"Oh. About that... he's not coming."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't ask him to."
"What?"
"Look, someone had to do something to get you guys talking to each other again. Balance needed to be restored to the universe!" Guy exclaimed. "And it looks like it has. You guys! I can't believe this. You're too cute!"
"You're too enthusiastic, I think."
"Oh, shut up," Guy laughed. "You didn't have to hide anything, you know. Will and I wouldn't care, silly."
"I know," Jonny said. "I'm sorry, Chris, for everything I put you through. I should have... I don't know, I should have known you'd feel that way."
"I'm sorry, too, Jonny. I don't expect you to know how I feel all the time, and I guess I should have told you earlier rather than take such... drastic measures."
"Promise we'll never let anything like this happen again?"
"Promise," Chris smiled, wrapping his arms around Jonny. "Nothing will ever come between us again."
"Aww!" Guy squeaked, practically looking like a fangirl with front row seats to a Jonny/Chris love-fest. In fact, he looked so ridiculous that the only thing any of them could do was laugh.
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