The Waterfall in the Sky

The air was cool, the mist spraying him as it ricocheted off the nearby rocks. The sound of rushing water filled his ears. His favorite sound in the world, in his favorite place to be.

The waterfall was so brilliant, especially in the light of the rising sun. It was transparent until it met the stream below, where it all meshed into a rich blue that sucked in its color from the sky. When the sun was at the right angle its rays gave the water an orange tint. It was absolutely beautiful.

His legs swung over the rough surface of the rock he was sitting on, his feet just skimming the top of the water. It was pretty warm considering the morning had just barely begun. Careful not to bump into anything, he stretched and laid back on the rock, staring up at the few clouds scattered in the otherwise bright blue sky.

He'd been there for years now, all by himself. He survived off the land, which was not a hard thing to do. It seemed that whatever he had need for appeared without question, and there were no real signs of life apart from himself. A part of him hated that.

The silence and serenity was wonderful. Everyday he could be alone with his thoughts, and that was actually how he lived. But sometimes his thoughts reminded him of how lonely he was. He would close his eyes and see that image, the one single image from his past that he missed. The rest he had left behind and he didn't care about that, but this one thing, this one person had meant everything to him, and he wanted that back.

He told himself it wouldn't be much longer now. One day they would meet up again, and he could finally be completely happy. And it must be coming up soon, because his dreams about it had been more frequent as of late...

Before long his eyes closed, and he drifted off into a mid-morning nap. His greatest fantasy played in his mind once more, the missing half of his soul laying beside him in a patch of grass not far from where he actually lay, the cool breeze gliding past them. They held hands for a while, then stared at each other for a while, then went swimming in the beautiful stream for a while.

It was at the perfect temperature. The water was not so deep that their feet wouldn't touch the bottom, and so they were standing with their arms wrapped around each other, their unclad bodies pressed together...

And just like that he was awake again, but the feeling in his gut gave him the impression that his waiting was done. Before the sun went down that day, they would be reunited.

He climbed off the rock with a smile on his face. The happiness had already set in, and if he was still living the life he had lived before he would have been apprehensive about being so hopeful, but he knew that here there could be no disappointments. Here, things only happened for a reason.

Here, he would meet up with Chris again.

He walked around for a long time, zigzagging through the trees that surrounded the area. He tried to take in the awe-inspiring beauty of it all as quickly as he could, because he knew that once Chris came to him he would never find any of this as amazing as he did now.

When the sun was directly above him, he stood by the water's edge. He rather fancied some fish for lunch, so he was on the lookout for movement in the water. He thought he saw something flash by, and he went to move, but he soon realized that what he had seen was not anything in the water.

“JONNY!”

He recognized the voice instantly, and the feeling of Chris's arms wrapped around him was exactly how he had remembered. He tried to breathe, reached his arm up and grabbed one of Chris's hands. They stood like that for what seemed like ages, but it didn't matter; time didn't really exist in this place.

Then Chris finally removed his arms and Jonny turned around.

“Wow,” Chris breathed, lifting his hand and brushing it against Jonny's cheek, “Jonny, you look so young.”

“So do you,” Jonny replied. Chris looked down at his own hands, his eyebrows drawn together.

“I haven't seen myself yet.” Jonny placed his hand on Chris's back and brought him closer to the water so he could see his reflection. Chris knelt down and leaned over the stream, and what he saw shocked him.

His face was smooth, wrinkle and blemish free, and the bags under his eyes had disappeared completely. His eyes had even regained the color they lost when Jonny left. After a while he grew tired of seeing himself, and so he stood and turned back to Jonny.

“It's like when we first met, huh?” he asked, and Jonny nodded.

“I think so, yeah.” Chris smiled and stepped forward, draping his arms around Jonny's shoulders. He looked around for a little bit, just as astonished by the natural beauty as Jonny had first been.

“This place is so beautiful,” Chris said in awe.

“No, it's not.” Chris looked to Jonny in confusion, though he was still smiling a little. “You're beautiful.”

Chris blushed and his smile grew wider. “You're beautiful, too. Jonny, I've missed you so much.”

“We won't have to miss each other anymore,” Jonny said, and he rested his forehead against Chris's. He brushed his fingers through Chris's hair, tucking back some of his curls behind his ear. “It's just you and me now. Forever.”

Chris leaned into Jonny and placed a soft kiss on his lips. They both felt the overwhelming sense of joy rush over them as their souls finally became whole, one entity that reigned over them both.

The sun began to set as they laid in the patch of grass Jonny had dreamed about. Jonny laid his head on Chris's chest, his hand on Chris's stomach. Chris had his one arm wrapped around Jonny, his other arm at his side and holding Jonny's hand in his own.

“Jonny, did it hurt when you left?” Chris suddenly asked. “Physically, I mean.”

“A little,” Jonny answered. “But I knew it was going to be worth it in the end, so it didn't bother me much.” Jonny tried his best to look up at Chris, his green eyes bright even in the diminishing light. “What about you?”

“No,” Chris said, shaking his head. “I think I was asleep.”

“Good. You don't deserve to be in pain.”

“Neither do you.” Jonny repositioned his head again and looked up to the sky. Chris ran his hand over Jonny's hair and smoothed it down. “I kept that picture of you, you know. Everyday I looked at it. And everyday I cried. I didn't want to be there, but I knew that people needed me to be there, so I stayed for as long as I could for them. Because I also knew that we would never be separated again once I left, and so a few more years with them seemed like nothing.”

“Chris, you are the most wonderful person I have ever met, and probably the sweetest person to ever have existed,” Jonny told him. “It was so lonely here without you, but I'm actually really glad that you stayed behind for those people. It only reinforces what I always thought of you.”

“Which is?”

“That you're much more selfless than everyone thinks you are. Of course, that's not much good anymore, is it, seeing as no one else is around?” Jonny said with a small laugh.

“Remember how you always said that I spent too much time trying to take care of you?” Chris asked, and Jonny could tell from his tone that he was smiling. “Well, now it's going to be worse since I don't have anyone else to steal my time away. From now on everything I do will be solely for you.”

“Fine,” Jonny said, “but everything I do will only be for you. So we're even.”

Jonny felt Chris lean his cheek into the top of his head, and he heard Chris sigh complacently. “I think I'm gonna like this place.”

Love Unknown

It was dark. It was cold. The night felt like any other spring one should. The days warmed the earth with the light of the sun, but by the time the moon shone in the black sky, the heat was gone. Except in that tiny little clubhouse.

The clubhouse had not been used in years. They had grown too old, matured too greatly for that. What was once a refuge for their boyhood dreams and shenanigans was now just a useless pile of wood somewhere in the trees of that large estate the Martins owned. Except for tonight.

Tonight it was being occupied by the boys, now seventeen years of age, as they prepared themselves. There was a lot less room than either had remembered, but they were still able to fit inside with a relatively large amount of space left empty.

Chris sat in the far right corner. His one knee was brought up to his chest, his arms reaching around the leg to grab a hold of his shoelaces. Unlike most other days, Chris was not sporting his dirty trainers, but instead he wore sophisticated black dress shoes. When the laces were tied, he sprung up and walked to the middle of the space.

“All right, Jonny,” he said, rubbing his hands together nervously. “Teach me how to dance.”

“What is it exactly that you want to learn?” Jonny asked, stepping forward as well and scratching the back of his neck with uncertainty. Chris had called on him for help, but he was not much more schooled in the area than Chris was.

“Any dance, please,” Chris begged, his big, blue eyes wide and hopeless. In all the years that Jonny had known Chris, the color and passion in Chris's eyes had never been so intense as they were at that particular moment. Jonny nodded calmly.

“I could teach you to... slow dance.” Jonny shrugged, feeling less worthy of the task placed upon him than he had before. “That's about all I know.”

“That's good enough.” Chris held his arms out as if to tell Jonny to just do what he had to. Jonny hesitated, then took yet another step forward, and another, until the tips of their shoes touched. He reached out his hands, and placed one on either of Chris's hips.

“Right, so...” Jonny fumbled in his search for words; his confidence was almost entirely diminished. It was not that he did not want to look like an idiot in front of Chris, rather he did not want to teach Chris to look like an idiot and then be responsible for any and all possible repercussions.

“Wait,” Chris interrupted, pulling his arms back a little, “aren't you being the girl? Shouldn't I have my hands on your waist?”

Jonny wanted to smack himself in the forehead right about them. How could he be so senseless? “Oh, yeah. I forgot,” he said, trying not to let on that he just wanted to go home.

“Whatever, it doesn't matter,” Chris quickly said. He thrust his arms forward again, this time resting them on Jonny's shoulders. “Is this right?”

“Yeah, it's fine,” Jonny told him. At least he was teaching Chris what might have been the simplest dance of all. But Jonny still did not think himself apt to tutor Chris. “OK, so then we just start...”

Chris moved his feet a little in a clumsy, haphazard way. But at least he was moving. Jonny shifted, too, and soon it seemed like they were rocking to some sort of rhythm. Then Chris took a step and made the space between himself and Jonny impossibly smaller.

One of his feet was to the left of Jonny's right foot, and the other was in between both of Jonny's feet. Chris repositioned his arms so they encircled Jonny's neck, and soon their chests were pressed together.

And then something happened that had never happened before to either of them. There was some sort of spark, a jolt, and they both felt it. The electricity coursed through Chris's veins and into Jonny's; they both breathed shakily into each other's ears.

“Jonny, do you feel that?” Chris asked.

Jonny bit his lip and mumbled, “Mm-hmm.”

“What do you think it means?” Jonny made another noise to indicate that he did not know. Chris closed his eyes and brushed his cheek against Jonny's. “Whatever it is, I don't think I want it to stop.”

“Me neither,” Jonny whispered. His fingers curled tightly around Chris's waist. Chris breathed deeply, and, pressing his lips together, he lightly kissed the edge of Jonny's ear.

They were not moving anymore; both boys stood perfectly still, only allowing their chests to rise and fall as the heavy oxygen flowed through their systems.

“This is much better than dancing,” Chris muttered, finally allowing the tiniest bit of motion as he gently smoothed down the hair laying against the back of Jonny's neck. Jonny moved his hands, too, so that they were on Chris's back. He even pulled Chris closer, trying to eliminate fully the space between their bodies.

“Chris, I think...” Jonny did not finish his sentence, but he did not have to. Chris pulled back enough to pierce through Jonny with his intensely blue eyes, and to find the passion in Jonny's green ones as well. It was there, plain for him to see, and he said the rest of Jonny's words by locking their lips together.

It was a thousand times what they already felt. Chris was surprised at how easily it all came to him, from letting his fingers brush through Jonny's hair to slipping his tongue into Jonny's mouth. He had barely ever done any of this stuff with girls, but his inexperience did not seem to matter and his instinct just kicked in. Jonny met him with an equal force, an equal intuition, and for several minutes they just stood there, kissing, until there was a knock somewhere in the distant background.

“Chris!” a woman's voice called. “Mum says you've got to come in now, it's awfully late!”

Chris rested his forehead against Jonny's. With his thumb he traced Jonny's bottom lip, trying to catch his breath but finding it incredibly difficult to do so in the presence of the boy he had only known prior as his best friend, but who would now and forever mean so much more to him.

um...

a poem... with a title...




You've got my heart in your hands,
and my soul's there as well,
any day without you is a day spent in hell.
Some days you look angry,
like the world's done you wrong,
and those are the days for you I write a song
with lyrics that are awful
but they come from my heart,
and it's not exactly a confession, but at least it's a start.
Some days I feel sad,
when I miss you and your charms,
and all I really want is to just hold you in my arms.
It seems we're rather miserable,
when we could be in total bliss,
so, please, I'm asking you, think about this:
Cynical expression rhymes with clinical depression,
do you think that's a sign?
Are we then meant to be?
Let's run out to the ocean or hold hands in the sea,
and why not?
We're already on the beach,
on all the beaches of the world,
and I think it's our chance to let our love go unfurled.
This is our paradise, Jonny,
our opportunity to shine,
so look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you'll be mine;
I'm already yours.

SPLEEEEEEEEEE....N.

“Oh my God!”

The room had been silent until Chris screamed. Everyone was shocked.

Having the metaphorical spotlight placed upon his slender frame, Chris lifted his hand to his forehead and feigned distress.

“You guys... my best friends... my lover,” Chris momentarily normalized himself and winked at Jonny, “... and Phil...”

Phil narrowed his eyes. But he knew he wasn't liked. He was liked, but he wasn't well-liked.

“I... I'm dying-”

“WHAT?”

The sound of Jonny's chair falling to the ground echoed long after his outburst had faded.

“Chris,” he said, swooping over to the delusional man, “Wh... How? How am I supposed to live without you?”

“Jonny,” Chris said, taking Jonny's hands with tears in his eyes, “I'll always be with you, no matter what.”

The music swelled, Jonny and Chris slowly leaning towards each other. The pure emotional intensity of the scene impacted everyone in the room, and Guy reached behind him to find support in the table.

SCRRAATCH!

All eyes shot to Guy, who blushed and grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

He lifted his hand from the record player and the music resumed.

Seconds passed, and just before the most pivotal moment, Will said, “Wait a minute.”

Chris rolled his eyes with a sigh and asked, “What is it this time?”

“I was just going to ask you the same thing. Last week you told us you had the plague- or, you thought you had the plague.”

“I had several of the symptoms-”

“Hiccups are not a symptom of the plague, Chris!” Will told him.

Chris attempted to retort, but failing to do so he resorted to throwing a tantrum. He threw his hands up and collapsed in a pile on the floor.

“I'm dying!” he whined. “Why won't you guys believe me?”

“Because, Chris, you always overreact to everything,” Will replied.

“I do not!” Chris stood up and crossed his arms.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! Will, when I have I ever been known to overreact?”

Will turned around and picked the remote off the table. He hit one of the buttons, and some fancy-pants screen descended from the ceiling.

Suddenly an image was projected, Chris bursting into a room where Will had been quietly reading. Chris fell to his knees and waved his arms around.

“WILL, WE'RE OUT OF NAPKINS!” he cried. “AHHHHH! OUT OF NAPKINS!”

Then the scene changed to Chris banging on the door of Will's apartment.

“WILL! I accidentally removed the 'Do not remove by penalty of law' tag on my mattress! Hide me, HIDE ME!”

The last bit showed up without an image, just Chris screaming, “WILL! WILL! I'VE GONE BLIND-” A light flipped on, and Chris appeared, standing in the middle of a room, Will by the light switch. “Oh. Thanks, Will!”

The clips ceased and the screen returned to its home. Will looked at Chris with an I-told-you-so expression. Chris wasn't having any of that.

“Listen, Will,” he said in a most serious tone, “I have appendicitis. I know it. It's serious, and I won't even be able to make it to a hospital.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“It's just something a person knows, you know? I am going to die, and I've accepted that. Will, it's time you face the facts.”

Will stared blankly at Chris for a minute or so. “Chris,” he began, trying his hardest to at least sound understanding, “why is it that you feel so strongly about this? What makes you believe you're dying?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “If you must know, I have terrible stomach pains. Therefore, I have appendicitis.”

“You don't seem to be in bad shape... I mean, you're not, like, doubling over or anything,” Guy pointed out.

“Well, it's not so bad right this second,” Chris obviously said. “Plus, there was all this loud rumbling, and I thought at first it was a storm outside or something... but no, it was just my appendix bursting and flooding my system with death.”

Chris turned back to Jonny, tears splashing down his cheeks. “Jonny... my one true love, Jonny, when I die, I want you to... I want you to have my... my Barbie collection!” Chris fell into Jonny's arms and cried into his shoulder. “Jonny-Ken and everything!”

“Chris... when's the last time you ate?”

Chris pulled back and shrugged. Jonny sighed and pulled Chris into the other room to save him from embarrassment.

“Oh, Jonny, I see what you're doing. One last time on the Chrismobile before I kick the bucket, eh?”

Chris winked, or tried to wink, and Jonny just shook his head.

“I don't think you're dying-”

“No, not you, too! They've turned you against me, haven't they??? Ohhh, my poor Jonny!”

“No, it's just that... what you described sounds more like hunger pains than appendicitis.”

Chris was quiet for a few moments, then he gasped and opened his mouth about as far as it would go. He looked like some sort of weird smiley face.

“Jonny, you are right! You are so, so right!”

“Yeah... Maybe we should go get something to eat, then?”

Chris smiled and nodded.

“Although...” Jonny began, “since we are in here alone... Is that Chrismobile offer still good?”

Don't Go Breaking My Heart

Depression consumes him
like thick fog in the night;
his lips turn down, somberly,
but his eyes still shine bright.
That's how I see it, anyway,
when he looks up and tries
to smile at me, but I can
see past all his facial lies.

Except those ocular pieces,
they're so stunningly blue
that I just seem to freeze
and there's nothing I can do
but stare, and that makes
me feel like a creep.
But at least I'm not
watching him in his sleep.

Though I have thought about it,
and that makes me feel worse.
It's just that his stares
hit me like a curse
and leave my knees shaking,
my heart pounding fretfully,
so all I can do is sigh
and smile back regretfully.

If I had the courage,
if I wasn't so damn shy,
I would look right at him
and tell him exactly why
it seems like I'm "always around
to help lift [his] crazy moods,"
that it's because I hate it
when he sits and broods.

It almost takes away his beauty,
that angelic beauty he owns,
when fatigue settles beneath his eyes
and loneliness in his bones.
He confides in me that what's
bothering him is the lack
of anyone around who understands
him and can give his love back.

Is he crazy? Is he blind?
Can he not see
that the person he's asking for,
that person is me?
I would gladly give up
everything that I possess
if he could just realize,
if he could get rid of that distress.

Maybe then he would know,
maybe then he could smile,
and say that it was me
who made his day worthwhile.
At least, this was all what I thought
until that one fateful day;
I asked him what was wrong,
and he started to say,

"Oh, Jon, it's the same old thing
as it always has been-"
then he stopped, and
soon he started to grin.
I thought it was odd,
thought of asking, "What, Chris?"
but when I opened my mouth
he halted my question with a kiss.

It startled me at first,
which made him break away,
but I grabbed his arm
and told him, "No, stay."
And I kissed him again,
never wanting to part,
but he pulled back again and whispered,
"Don't go breaking my heart."

I laughed, which made him look
at me strangely and tilt his head,
so I just told him, "I won't break it,
Chris, I'd rather be dead
than hurt you." And he
seemed to be pleased.
"You know, Jon, you can
hurt me a little," he winked as he teased.

And thus was the beginning of
something that should have started long ago,
because now he's never sad, his eyes
and, well, his entire face only ever glow.
Oh, and I'm happy, too,
though that's secondary to me.
I'm good as long as he is,
and he is, I think he'd agree.

Smile

Today is the day. The day. The most important day of my life.

It's our first gig, our first real gig. The one to say We made it. We finally made it.

After all those years, all that hard work, it's finally paid off. And people are going to recognize us, man! They'll see us, and they'll say, "Wow, these guys, they really know what they're doing. They're great-"

Ah, who am I kidding?
We're shit.

This gig is for a crowd of maybe 50 people, if we're lucky. It'll probably only be five. And they'll probably leave before the first song has even started. I would. We're shit.

So I don't really see a point in trying very hard, but as we're sitting backstage Jonny walks up to me and frowns. I hate when he does that.

"Chris, cheer up, man," he says, and I almost snap at him until I remember that I can never snap at Jonny.

"They're going to hate us, man, I know it."

"So what? If they do, then... at least we still have each other. Uh- the four of us have each other."

"I guess."

Jonny sighs and stalks off, knowing that he can't help me. It tears me up to think that he can't, though, because I know it hurts him when he has to walk away like that. So the next time he looks at me I try to smile, just to see if he'll smile back. He does, and it's-

Well, here's the thing. I never really intended on joining a band. To be honest I could barely play much more than "When the Saints Go Marching In" on the keyboard when I started college. Well, I could play some guitar, too. And that's how it all began.

One day I was walking through the halls, and there was Jonny, playing. Normally I wouldn't have cared, except that I noticed he was drop dead gorgeous. Seriously, this man had the most stunning green eyes ever, and as I watched him play (I'm not creepy, I promise) I saw him smile, and that just did it.

I ran to my room and grabbed my guitar, then ran back down the hallway and just happened to stumble upon him again, and in my total surprise, I came up with the brilliant idea of us playing together. He smiled at me and agreed, and I had to rush over and sit down next to him before my knees gave out.

I was fine with spending my afternoons just playing with Jonny, but he suggested that we find some others and start a band. I couldn't say no, so a few weeks later we formed a group with Guy and Will. Then everything took off from there.

Anyway, I guess that smile saves me, because only a few minutes afterward we're heading onstage, and I feel like I'm going to throw up. But I don't feel like running away screaming anymore, which is good.

It seems like all I do is blink and we're already halfway through the setlist. Maybe that's because we're only playing about six songs. I look over to Jonny and he smiles at me again, and I can hardly control myself. When the song ends I skip over to him and kiss him on the cheek. He thinks it's all for show.

Everyone thinks it's all for show. One day they'll realize it's not.

I just hope that that day doesn't come too late.

The Turtle

One day I was walking on the beach. It was so lovely; the sand was warm and so was the air, but not too warm. The breeze from the ocean kept the temperature at a cool level.

As my hands and feet glided over the sand I craned my neck a bit to see my surroundings. Being the nice summer day it was, there were plenty of people at the beach. But I kept an eye out for a special pair.

See, it was a few years ago that I stumbled upon these creatures, at a time that was very odd to be stumbling upon... well, anything, really. It was springtime, but very early on, and it was certainly not a time to visit the beach.

But there they were, two tall young men, one running feet ahead of the other, both laughing. I could tell from that very moment that there was something special about them. And not just because they seemed to have no care for what the weather was like.

When the lankier one stopped running and turned around to wait for the other one, there was a tiny flash in his eyes of something like I'd never seen before. It was some sort of light, some sort of brilliance inside him that ached to break free of its human prison. Whoever this man was, he was going to go far, that was for sure.

The next week they showed up again, acting like they had before. If I could have, I would have asked why they came at such an odd time of the year. Alas, it was impossible, so I just watched them again to amuse myself.

Rain fell down on the sandy grounds for the following weeks, and it was safe to assume that they would not appear for a while. I was only half right; one day the lanky one came and sat down very close to where I was. I think he saw me, and stared for a little bit, but then he looked back out to the ocean. He seemed sad.

Summer arrived then, and I saw more of the two men, though oftentimes they were accompanied by a young lady as well. The lanky man ran around, as it seemed to be quite a characteristic of his, while the other man stayed behind with the lady. He and she always seemed to walk very close, heads together, always talking about something.

During fall and winter I was gone, and so I do not know if they ever came in those seasons. Once spring returned, so did the men. The lady was no longer around, and the lanky man looked as though he had even more energy than before. I think once he attempted to do a cartwheel even, though if I recall correctly he did not succeed.

Then another lady was with them, but only once, and she looked very similar to the lanky man. She might have been a sister.

Fall and winter arrived and left, and the very first day I revisited the beach I was blessed with their company. Right then it felt almost as though I was watching them grow a little, and I wondered if they knew that I was there the whole time, watching them, sensing the truth they were both hiding.

It was a cloudy day. Not storm clouds, though, just beautiful puffs of white dashing across the deep blue sky. I loved days like this, and there was something in the air that made it even better. There was just this sense that something was going to happen.

The lanky man may have felt it, too. While he and the other man were sitting near to where I rested, he turned and smiled, the same passion I had first seen in him longing once more to be set free.

He leaned over and whispered something in the other man's ear, then the other man looked at him. Slowly the two leaned towards each other and the moment came that everyone had been waiting for. Well, the three of us had been waiting for it, certainly. I don't know that anyone else would have been interested.

In my many years of watching over a beach where people loved to make out, I'd never seen such a sweet couple as those two. Even when they were not together, they were, in a very strange, very spiritual way.

I did not see them all on this nice summer day, cooled by the ocean breeze. It made me worry a little.

But then the day began to fade as the sun began to set, and somewhere among the pink and orange streaks I caught a glimpse of two men walking together. Their hands were intertwined, their souls finally connected, and as they walked and passed by, they stopped.

"Hey, Jonny, look at this cute little guy," the lanky man said.

The man called Jonny stared down at me and smiled. "Aww."

I tried to interact with them, but I'm not sure it worked so well. It was strange; I felt as though I was one of their close friends, yet that was clearly far from reality. They had never known me before in their lives.

"That's so weird, the way he's moving his mouth looks like he's trying to talk to us or something."

I was trying to talk to them, and this is what I had said: I am so glad I have met you two, for I feel as much a part of you as you yourselves. You may not know it, but I have watched as you have progressed through your relationship, and I can tell that there are only good things left to come in the future for you both.

"Yeah, it kinda does," Jonny agreed, and the two men left again.

Ah, but they were so happy, and that's all that mattered.

I Don't Mean That

Chris looked up, his head still resting on Jonny's chest. “Jonny, what's wrong?”

Jonny's eyes met Chris's and he ran his hand over Chris's shoulder blades. “Nothing's wrong,” he quietly replied. “I'm just tired of waiting for tomorrow to come.”

“Oh...” Chris turned away, then moved to the other side of the bed and faced the wall. “Well, goodnight.”

Jonny sat up and leaned on his elbow. “Wait, Chris, what are you doing?”

“Going to sleep,” Chris bitterly replied.

“Why are you upset?”

“I'm not upset, I just didn't realize that it was so awful to be with me.”

“What?”

Chris rolled his eyes and turned over. Jonny could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes. “It's OK, I understand that I'm not the most exciting person in the world. Really, it's not a surprise that you want to leave me.”

“I don't want to leave you-”

“Really? Because you made it sound like you don't want to be here right now.”

“Where are you getting that from?” Jonny asked, raising his voice a little.

Chris put on a fake voice to imitate Jonny, saying, “'I'm just tired of waiting for tomorrow to come.' Because obviously you're not happy enough being with me.”

“That's not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

Jonny sighed. “I'm excited to go to America. This is something that I've wanted to do my entire life. But that doesn't mean that I don't hate leaving you behind.” He looked into Chris's eyes for a while, but had to turn away as he softly said, “And I was gonna ask you to come with me...”

“You were?” Chris's voice cracked a bit and his anger seemed to wash away relatively quickly. “Jonny, I'm glad that you're excited about it. I love seeing you get excited about things. It's just that when you leave I'll be stuck here with all these people who annoy me, but I won't have you to come home to and... I'm gonna miss you so much.”

Jonny reached his hand out and brushed his fingers through some of Chris's hair. “I'm gonna miss you, too. And that offer still stands, you know.”

“You still want me to come with you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jonny said.

Chris smiled enthusiastically. “We'll go to America together.”

“Yeah, and while we're there, we may as well...” Jonny slipped his hand under his pillow, pulling out a black box. It was obvious already what it was, but Jonny opened it anyway and showed off the silver ring inside.

“Jonny!” Chris gasped, and the tears that had disappeared before returned once more. “Oh, I'm so sorry that I acted like a tosser before.”

“You didn't. I shouldn't have said what I did so... insensitively.” Jonny wiped away a few of the tears that spilled down Chris's cheek, and Chris snuggled up against him and rested his head on Jonny's chest again.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

Hypnotic Confidence

Jonny rubbed his eyes. They felt dry, scratchy, his eyelids heavy and aching to close. The glowing numbers beside him taunted him and let him know that he had to get himself up in ten minutes. But he hadn't slept a wink all night...

Three weeks ago Jonny experienced something he'd never felt before- depression. He was always a happy guy, the kind you could tell all your problems to and know that he would listen and sympathize, but was never weighed down with his own problems. It was a surprise to him then when one morning he looked in the mirror and was utterly disappointed with what he saw.

His beard was far too thick, his hair was beginning to thin, his eyebrows were so long. And those were just the physical aspects. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find a single thing about himself that he liked, inside or outside.

What made everything worse was that he had to go out that day. The band was working on their new album. Jonny couldn't bail, but he knew that he was going to suck and bring everyone else down.

Damn he thought this must be what Chris feels like everyday.

A thought struck the long-eyebrowed man. Chris, his best friend, could surely help out somehow. Chris was always putting himself down, there must have been some way for Chris to help Jonny.

“Fucking hell,” Chris agonized. He'd only missed one piano note, but it made a world of difference to him. He sighed and laid his head down on the keys. The room was silent as the other three men stared, watching as Chris's back rose and fell dramatically with every deep breath he took.

“All right,” Will spoke after a while. “I think we should take a break.”

Will and Guy both set off for the other room, probably going to get a bite to eat. Chris stayed exactly where he was, in the same position, and Jonny slowly walked around to his side.

Chris turned his head only a little as he felt Jonny sit down next to him.

“Jonny, don't worry about me. I'll be fine.”

“Um, OK.” Jonny paused, fidgeted. “But I wanted to ask you something.”

The awful mood Chris was in lifted instantly and he sat straight up, blue eyes piercing Jonny with concern and what even looked like excitement.

“What did you want to ask?”

“How will you be fine?” Jonny replied in an uncertain tone. “Only, I've been feeling kind of... bad. And I know you seem to be like this a lot, so... maybe you could give me some advice...”

Chris stared at Jonny pitifully, but he smiled a little. “Sure, I know just the thing.”

Chris went on to explain how every night he went to bed and listened to a specific CD. It was a hypnotic CD, meant to subconsciously boost Chris's self-esteem.

“I made it myself, so sometimes it's weird to listen to my own voice,” he said. “But I'm sure it'll work fine for you! I can bring it to you tomorrow, if you like.”

“That sounds great,” Jonny smiled. “Thanks.”

Chris beamed back at Jonny as Will and Guy reentered the room. From then to the end of the day Chris was in a much better mood, and Jonny hoped he would be feeling the same soon.

The CD was discreetly slipped into Jonny's guitar case during the next day's work. Just before they all left Chris winked at Jonny and smiled. Jonny wondered briefly what had possessed Chris to make his own self help CD, but he couldn't say he wasn't glad for it.

Fitted nicely in his blue silk pajamas, Jonny grabbed the dusty old CD player from his closet and plugged it in beside his alarm clock. He slid the disc out of its paper case and inserted it into the player, then quickly shut off his light and scampered back to bed.

Within five minutes he was asleep, the soothing tone of Chris's voice relaxing him. He didn't even know what Chris was saying, it was just nice to hear him speaking in such a soft voice.

The next morning he woke up not feeling much better than the day before. But he hadn't expected the method to work literally overnight. He knew it was going to take a while.

But here he was now, three weeks later, and he had just undone all of the progress he made.

Well, he didn't actually do it. The only thing he did was stay awake, and that was when it all went wrong. He wanted to sleep, but he had introduced into his system an amount of caffeine that it was not used to; that night he drank an entire can of Mountain Dew.

So he laid in bed, eyes wide open and pointed at the ceiling, listening to Chris telling him that he was worth something. The CD didn't work quite as well when he was actually listening to it.

“You are smart. You are a great person,” Chris's voice told him. It was mostly the same over and over. And over.

“You are kind. You are intelligent.”

Jonny sighed loudly and was about to close his eyes when suddenly-

“You love Chris. You love him.” And Jonny's eyes did the complete opposite. They went so wide that he thought for a second they might just pop out of his head.

“Whenever you see him, you smile and your heart beats a little faster. Whenever you talk to him, all you really want to do is grab him and kiss him like you've never kissed anyone before.”

It was just the caffeine, right? It was messing with Jonny's head. Plus, it had to be at least two in the morning. He had simply gone temporarily mad from the lack of sleep was all.

But he knew better, and he listened on.

“You love him. You want to hold him securely in your arms and never let go. You love Chris.”

Jonny sat straight up, confused and really, really tired. But mostly confused. He looked over to the CD player as if it would bring him any clarity, thinking that maybe Chris would continue on this spiel of his. Part of him actually wanted that.

“You are funny. You are kind.”

Jonny buried his face in his hands and collapsed backward onto his pillows. He stayed that way until the sun began to rise and peeked its rays through his curtains. The CD played another five times, and each time it came to that one part, Jonny's heart raced and he felt his cheeks get hot. For some reason it embarrassed him. Like, why would Chris say these things except that maybe Chris had feelings for him?

The last time Jonny had known about someone liking him was in the fifth grade. A girl called Andrea Winters walked up to him during recess one day and gave him a note. He threw up almost immediately after reading it.

He didn't feel nauseous this time, but he did get that same desire to hide, shrink away and disappear into thin air. Luckily he was alone, but it didn't help much. He still was rather uncomfortable.

Unless Chris was just trying to mess with him.

But then why say Chris? Why not pick Guy or Will to be the other victim of this twisted prank?

So that had to be it. Chris liked Jonny- no, he must have loved him. The way he spoke was so passionate. Jonny searched and searched, racking his brains for clues he may have missed. Clues that could have somehow suggested to him, Jonny, your best friend is in love with you.

Was that uncommon? He had often heard many fictional stories where two best friends fall in love, and all fiction must have some base in reality. His face turned redder when he caught himself thinking that- two best friends fall in love.

He didn't particularly want to fall in love with Chris. Chris was one of the greatest people Jonny had ever met, but he required enough cautiousness and attention as it was. Who knows what he would be like in a serious relationship?

The thoughts just kept running through his mind until he finally pulled himself out of bed and went to get dressed. With every second that passed he became more and more uncertain of how exactly he should react. He knew there was obviously no clear-cut way, but he found it hard to decipher his own feelings.

As he walked through the door and into the studio, he decided it was anger that he felt. It was strange being angry, though; Jonny couldn't even remember a time in his life where he had actually been angry. But he found no other emotion to better fit the strange sickness he felt.

During one of the songs, Chris briefly looked up at Jonny, who was shooting daggers at Chris from across the room. A mere second later Chris was frozen, staring, with a most apologetic look painted upon his face.

“Jonny, I'm so sorry!!” he cried, the sound of his voice and the sudden lack of piano made the other two men stop playing as well. “Please don't hate me.”

“I don't know, Chris,” Jonny said. “I mean, it's one thing to try to help me, but to control me like that...” Jonny shook his head, at a total loss for words. Standing there and looking at Chris, it was hard to believe that this man was the same one whose voice he'd heard trying to brainwash him.

“I just... I don't know why I did it.” Chris looked down at his piano. “Well, I mean, I know why I did it, but... I don't know what came over me. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway.”

“So you do...?”

“Yes,” Chris grumbled.

There was a small pause, then Guy asked, “What's going on?”

Jonny was prepared to answer, but his eyes were stuck on Chris's image, regretfully frowning at the piano. Then for some reason he felt bad, and the desire to hug Chris and tell him everything was OK overwhelmed him. And his heart beat faster, and he focused more on that frown, not for the emotion behind it but for those soft lips that formed it.

“Shit,” he said. Chris slowly looked up, sensing that something had changed. When he saw the look on Jonny's face, no longer resentful but now perhaps a little longing, he smiled.

“It worked, didn't it?” he asked.

“Is that really how you want all of this to happen?” Jonny replied, internally struggling against his feelings. “You have to brainwash me otherwise... nothing?”

“Jonny, did any of the rest of that work? You don't look like you're any more confident than you were three weeks ago.”

“What's your point?”

“My point is,” Chris said, “that maybe it wasn't brainwash, maybe it was just... bringing out what was already there.”

For the first time in well over a minute, Jonny's eyes shifted to the side and he remembered that Guy and Will were still there with them. Both men were staring at Jonny and Chris, trying to make sense of what was going on, but ultimately failing to come up with anything.

“Can we talk about this later?” Jonny asked, and Chris smiled condescendingly at him.

“No.” Chris stood up and made his way over to where Jonny stood. Without saying another word, Chris grabbed the guitar from Jonny and slipped the strap over his head. He rested the guitar against the nearby wall, then placed both hands firmly on Jonny's arms and pulled him close.

Jonny had expected more to happen, but all Chris did was just stare right into Jonny's eyes. It was almost a bit scary, and Jonny felt really exposed, but he went with it anyway. Finally Jonny grew far too impatient and decided that he would make the first move instead.

“Yeah, that's... I didn't do that,” Chris whispered giddily as they broke apart. “You've been wanting this for a long time. Longer than three weeks.”

“I guess so,” Jonny said.

“So have I.” Chris smiled brightly, and Jonny grinned back, and somewhere on the other side of the room Guy cleared his throat.

“Great, can we get back playing now?” he shouted, but Chris and Jonny ignored him.

“I really am sorry,” Chris sincerely told Jonny. “As soon as I gave you that CD I felt awful, but there was nothing I could do about it then. I just sorta hoped you wouldn't find out.”

“It's... all right, I suppose. Just don't do it again,” Jonny commanded, but he laughed a little as he said it.

“Can I do this again?” Chris leaned forward and softly kissed Jonny.

“Well, I don't mind it, but I think some other people do,” Jonny replied, nodding his head to the side, in the direction that Guy, tapping his foot impatiently and wearing the same angry look Jonny had before, was sitting.

“Come on, boys, let's get playing!” Chris exclaimed, clapped his hands together, and sat down at the piano again.

Jonny never noticed it, but his confidence immediately returned at that moment, though sometimes at night he would still listen to the CD just to hear Chris's voice.

A Stupid Thing to Do

A simple look at those two will tell you all you need to know. Even when they're merely existing in the same room together, not actually interacting, it is so easy to decipher every little move they make. Jonny will be sitting on one side of the room, reading a magazine of some sort, and he'll cross his leg. Next thing you know, there's Chris on the other side of the room, strumming out some new melody on his guitar, and suddenly he decides it would somehow work out better if his legs were crossed.

Or Chris will be staring out the window, bored, tapping his foot mindlessly against the floor. Then a minute later it's joined by the sound of Jonny's feet lightly hitting the carpeted surface. It's enough to drive you mad, especially if you're trying to take a nap.

That's what happened to Guy one day. His eyes were closed, but he was still awake for the most part. He didn't want to be; the night before he'd been out drinking, and he wasn't exactly as young as he used to be.

Needless to say, he never got any sleep, and for the rest of the day he went on yapping about it. Everyone, even the security crew at the venue, was tired of hearing him complain.

“You could have said something,” Jonny told him, “and I would have stopped.”

It was really obvious that Guy was itching to fight, but he couldn't. No one could ever fight with Jonny, because he was too kind. So instead he took up the issue with Chris.

It's almost impossible to confirm the details, but their fight- which happened backstage after that night's gig- was bad enough from Chris's point of view to force him to lock himself in the bathroom. Maybe it was just that after the gig, Chris's spirits had been soaring, and so when Guy took him down, he really took him down. Chris had been shot multiple times and was now laying helplessly on the ground, a bloody mess sprawled out on jagged rocks.

But the paramedics had already gone home, or, at least, back to his hotel room. There seemed to be a very little chance of being able to drag Jonny back to the venue to sort this mess out, but everyone tried regardless. Otherwise, Chris might have just stayed in that bathroom until he starved to death.

Guy, of course, took none of the blame, merely letting everyone know that he wasn't as nasty as Chris made him out to be, just that Chris was too overly emotional and sensitive and that was why he was in the bathroom. Of course, no one pointed it out, but if Guy knew that Chris was that way then maybe he shouldn't have picked the fight in the first place.

Two hours later, Chris finally agreed to come out, having been coaxed by an extremely tired-looking Jonny. The red in his eyes and the strange dryness of his cheeks told that he'd been crying, and had tried to remove signs of it before he walked back out into public.

Neither Guy or Chris would say what words had been exchanged between the two that night that struck Chris so hard. Chris wouldn't even tell Jonny, which was utterly surprising. Chris told Jonny everything- everything. Even things Jonny would never have wanted to hear, though Chris didn't know that. They were both too blind.

So, for the next few days Jonny went around sulking a bit because he thought that maybe his best friend was drifting apart from him. Then what was he going to do? He didn't want another best friend, that was for sure; no one could ever replace Chris. Jonny searched for ways to reconnect and strengthen their friendship.

One night there was a carnival in town, and everyone was there. Everyone who had even the tiniest thing to do with the band went, including immediate family members and distant cousins and all sorts of crazy things like that.

It was no surprise that Chris and Jonny ran off together to play games and go on the rides. It was no surprise that they did it all blindly.

People even tell them how they both feel! Years ago they started doing that, because years ago it was obvious. Do they not believe the other people? Are they highly skeptical of what the others say, afraid that it all really is just a joke?

It's not a joke. It's not even remotely funny. It's more frustrating than anything else, most likely far more frustrating for either of them than for the rest of the world. So why do they feel the need to pretend none of it's real?

It's so real that it's almost a solid thing, something someone could physically touch. That night everyone watched as the two men came bustling down the boardwalk, arms linked- no doubt Chris's doing. They were both beaming. It was too good to be true; so good, in fact, that it wasn't true.

No one could say they were shocked, that they hadn't expected for them to go through their entire lives as “just friends” when they could be so much more. When they should be so much more.

Guy apparently felt very adamant about the situation. When Chris and Jonny were walking, he stormed up to them and forced them to stop.

“What the hell are you doing??” he nearly screamed.

“Um... walking?” Chris hopelessly replied.

Guy blinked incredulously at Chris, then shot his head in Jonny's direction. He was silent for a moment, then sneered and said, “And I thought at least you were intelligent.”

Then Guy walked away, leaving both of them bewildered and at a total loss for words, struggling to understand what had just happened. Jonny just shrugged, and Chris shook his head.

They weren't idiots for falling in love with each other. But the stupidest thing either of them did was keep it quiet.

In the Middle of Summer

-Prologue-

Jonny looked over the faces of the people sitting before him. There had to be at least a hundred people, all there to witness this great day. The happiest day of his life.

He was nervous, definitely; it was already a really hot day, and on top of that he was wearing a full tuxedo and his palms refused to be dry, regardless of how often he wiped them on his pants.

The girls across from him were standing patiently, the flowers they held not withstanding the heat much better than Jonny was. They were both engaged in conversation, quietly whispering to each other about God knows what.

Jonny scanned the crowd again. He wasn't looking for anyone- everyone he wanted to be there was there, he knew- he was just looking for something to do. Time was going by so slowly.

After he was done staring, he turned to the man beside him. He gave Jonny a reassuring smile and pat on the back. It didn't help Jonny's nerves at all.

Then the music began to play.

-Chapter One-

“Excuse me... Jonny, right?”

Jonny turned around to see the man with the curly cinnamon-brown hair who had been sitting in the first pew on the left side. The man's eyes were extraordinarily blue, but the first thing Jonny noticed was that he had an abnormally large nose.

“Yeah,” Jonny answered, unenthusiastically.

“I'm Chris.” The man held out his hand, which Jonny tentatively shook. He really just wanted to go home. That's what everyone else was doing; all around people were standing from their seats and leaving through the one exit way, all thoroughly disappointed.

As they both took their hands back, a woman passed in between them. She glared nastily at Chris as she walked by, and he merely looked back as though he couldn't understand why she seemed to hate him. Jonny thought nothing of it.

“So, you're one of her family, then?”

“I'm her brother,” Chris said. Another man walking by sneered at him. “And I honestly can't say I'm surprised, but... I'm sorry.”

“Did you know she wouldn't show up?” Jonny narrowed his eyes at Chris. He felt like being angry at someone, and Chris seemed to present himself to be such a person. A lot of the others leaving from around them thought so, too.

“No, I thought she'd actually changed.” Chris looked to the floor and smiled with a bit of sarcasm. “I guess that's like people thought I would change, too.”

“What do you mean?”

Chris raised his eyes to Jonny. He waited a few moments, then let out a heavy sigh. “You know I wasn't actually invited? But I came anyway, hoping that she'd appreciate my presence. It was supposed to be a big day, as I'm sure you know.”

Jonny didn't know what the hell Chris was talking about, and he was beginning to see why these people didn't like him. Of course, he was mistaken.

“Yeah, I do know,” Jonny bitterly replied, biting his tongue to refrain from further retorts.

“Sorry.”

As the last few people shot their looks of hatred at Chris, Jonny's feelings did an odd one-eighty and he suddenly felt sympathetic. He shouldn't be angry at Chris, for none of this was his fault. He was just a harmless being that Jonny wanted so badly to take his frustration out on.

Naturally, the only thing to do was ask Chris if he wanted to get a drink.

“Well, I think you could use a drink more than I could,” he said. “But I'll go with you. I'll be your designated driver, how about that?”

That sounded wonderful to Jonny, so the two men left along with everyone else. Having been brought to the church by a limousine that was still waiting outside, Jonny decided it would be appropriate for the two to drive around in it.

“See,” Jonny said as they slid into the back of the limo, “now you can have a drink with me.”

“I'm fine, thanks. I'm actually not that big on alcohol.” Jonny scoffed, and Chris laughed incredulously. “What? I'm not!”

“Everyone's big on alcohol. Or maybe you're just too big on it, is that what?” Jonny grabbed the bottle of wine that was resting beside him. He didn't want to say it and risk coming off too rash and abrasive, but he thought that perhaps this was the lack of change that Chris had been referring to before. He could have been a recovering alcoholic, and a failed one at that, though if he was adamantly refusing a drink then perhaps he was doing rather well with it.

“I'm not too big on it,” Chris replied, a bit of his laughter still lingering around. “If it'll make you feel better, I'll have one glass. One glass, that's it.”

“That's what I'm talking about,” Jonny cheerfully hooted, quickly pouring Chris a glass of the red liquid. Chris chuckled at Jonny's enthusiasm. When they'd both had their glasses filled, Jonny proposed a toast to the awfulness of women, and Chris clinked his glass against Jonny's with more conviction than Jonny realized.

“I'd hate to trash talk your sister, but-” Jonny tipsily began.

“No, no, by all means, go ahead,” Chris said with clarity. He knew how to hold his liquor. He also knew how not to drink it. “It's not like she's ever done much for me, anyway. Honestly, I think she's a bitch.”

“She is a bitch,” Jonny agreed in a strangely calm voice. He tilted his head, trying to look at Chris from a different angle both literally and metaphorically. “Why did you come to the wedding, then, if you hate her?”

“Well, I don't want to hate her. She's my sister. I was hoping we could get past whatever stupid shit is holding us back.” Chris swirled the wine around in his glass. “But anyway, trash talk her.”

“Oh.” Jonny looked down at his own glass and frowned. “I think 'bitch' pretty much covers it.”

Chris stared at Jonny admiringly and smiled a little. “You really are something else, aren't you?” Jonny's eyes, unfocused, met Chris's, and his head lolled around a little. “I can see why she'd want to marry you. But I can't see why she'd leave you.”

“Maybe I'm a bitch, too,” Jonny suggested. “Or.. a... I don't know. Something else like that.”

“You seem like a very nice man,” Chris told him. “A little drunk,” he added with a laugh, “but nice.”

Jonny hiccuped and tried to focus. He observed Chris, letting his eyes roll over Chris's many interesting facial features. “You have a really big nose.”

Jonny was under the impression that his last statement was merely a thought; he didn't realize that he'd actually vocalized it until Chris reacted. Thankfully, Chris took his ascertainment rather well, merely grinning even wider.

“Thanks,” he facetiously replied. “You know, Jonny, I think we could be great friends.”

-Chapter Two-

Chris checked his phone for the third time in five minutes. It was working perfectly fine, and he knew it was, but he still kept looking at it to make sure he hadn't missed the call.

It had been three days since the wedding, three days since he'd climbed out of the back of the limousine and handed Jonny a slip of paper with his number. Jonny was supposed to call him and together they'd arrange a time to hang out. But he hadn't heard from Jonny at all.

There were several reasons Chris could think of for this: Jonny forgot about calling, maybe because he was drunk when Chris bid him farewell and suggested they meet up again; Jonny lost the number, which seemed plausible at least; or Jonny just didn't want to see him. But the last one seemed ridiculous, because Chris was under the impression that they both had a good time chatting in the back of the limo.

He checked his phone a fourth time, lying to himself by claiming that it was only to look at the time. It was three o'clock. Chris recognized how pathetic he was.

As soon as he closed his phone, though, it rang. Not bothering to look at the number, he quickly answered it and chirped, “Hello!” into the speaker.

“Hi, uh, it's Jonny. Sorry I didn't call you earlier. I've been a bit...distracted.”

“It's OK!” Chris replied, beaming. For the next few minutes they talked about how their lives had played out over the previous days, then Jonny proposed they meet up in the center of town.

“There's that Italian place at the corner of Main and Park. I can make it there in about fifteen minutes,” Jonny said.

“All right, I'll see you then.” Chris threw his phone onto his bed, nearly forgetting to end the call, and immediately ran to his closet. He pulled the door back and shoved all of the hanging shirts to the left side. One by one he went through the shirts, and one by one he deemed them unworthy.

With only three shirts left to leaf through, Chris glanced behind him and peered at the clock by his bedside. It had been five minutes since Jonny called. Time was wasting away.

Chris finally decided upon the penultimate shirt, a royal purple v-neck that fit snugly, but was not too tight. Chris smoothed down the wrinkles in the fabric around his chest as stared into his full body mirror. His jeans were a bit tattered and old, but he actually thought they looked a bit stylish, so he kept them on. He only owned one pair of shoes, so that didn't matter, but with only five minutes left he frantically tried to fix his hair. The curls were growing a little too long, but fortunately that meant he was able to tuck them behind his ears, which he'd once been told looked cute.

He ran out the door and down the stairs onto the street. The restaurant Jonny had mentioned was right across the street from Chris's apartment, and the road was clear of nearly all cars. Chris kept on running across the pavement, stopping once he reached the other side. It was another three minutes before he could see Jonny making his way down the sidewalk in the distance.

“Are you hungry? I'm not really hungry,” Jonny said after they greeted each other, his eyes shot sideways at the building next to them. “I guess I haven't eaten much the past few days.”

“I'm fine. I ate a few hours ago.”

“It was just the first place I thought of to meet,” Jonny explained, gesturing to the restaurant, and Chris nodded his head in understanding.

“We can go somewhere else,” Chris replied.

Jonny stared at the ground, thinking; there wasn't much around to do in this town, really, apart from walking. Jonny didn't really feel like just walking.

“Maybe we could see a movie or something,” Jonny suggested. “Is there anything funny playing? I could use a good laugh.”

“Well, I guess we'll find out.” Chris smiled and together they headed in the direction of a nearby theater. It just so happened that there was a 3:30 show of some comedy that had been released only a week before, and Chris happily offered to buy Jonny's ticket as well as his own.

“If you really feel that bad, you can pay me back later. But don't worry about it now,” Chris told him, Jonny's hand frozen around the wallet in his pocket.

“Fine,” he sighed. The guilty look on his face faded, though the feeling was still there inside him. He followed Chris into the viewing room, holding the door open behind him for the other people walking in.

“Where should we sit?” Chris asked. He figured it would be best to let Jonny decide, because it didn't matter much to him.

“Here's fine,” Jonny said, pointing behind Chris. Chris spun around and saw with great surprise that Jonny was pointing to the last row in the theater. Begrudgingly, Chris took a seat in the middle of the row, his mind blanking a little as he came in contact with the rough fabric of the chair.

Jonny sat beside him, as was expected. The previews wouldn't be on for another five minutes or so, and thus there was plenty of time left for Jonny to start talking to Chris about how much he hated waiting for movies to start.

“I don't see why they can't play this shit in the lobby and just keep the place quiet until the movie comes on,” Jonny complained. “I don't really care what actor had to learn German for his role in a World War II movie.”

“It does get annoying after a while,” Chris said. Luckily for them, it was only a few seconds later that the lights dimmed and the previews began.

Chris heard Jonny mutter, “Finally,” under his breath, then Jonny leaned over a little and set his arm down on the armrest between his and Chris's seats. Chris stole a glance and swallowed with a bit of difficulty.

Chris kept his hands clasped in his lap. Years of experience had taught him not to count his cards; Jonny had been, after all, set to marry his sister. Chris looked forward and watched as some title appeared on the large screen, a man's voice booming throughout the room.

-Chapter Three-

Everyday for the next week Chris and Jonny spent time together. They would go out to eat, or walk around town, and slowly their friendship grew stronger. Of course, there was still a lot they didn't know about each other.

The fork was angled more toward the spoon than the knife. Chris moved it so it was parallel to both. At least there was one thing he could control.

Chris had become very enamored of Jonny, but he tried his best to hide it. It wasn't that difficult a task, though, as Jonny seemed rather oblivious in that area.

Chris stared at the ketchup bottle, the salt and pepper shakers, the tiny sugar packets. He impatiently tapped his foot on the floor.

Against his better judgment, Chris had invited Jonny to dinner with the intention of letting him know how he felt. But he figured everyone's only given one shot to live, so why not at least try? Maybe because he was trying for the man who nearly married his sister.

He arrived long before Jonny did, though purposely. He needed as much time to prepare as he could get. Hoping that Jonny would show up soon, because he was starting to drive himself crazy, Chris went over the speech he'd practiced one last time.

His hand shook and he took a deep breath.

“So... I have something to tell you,” he quietly said to the imaginary Jonny in front of him. “And maybe I should have told you before. It's just... Well, see, the reason why my sister and I- well, all of my family, really, the reason why they all hate me is...”

Chris looked down at his hands. He tried to remember the exact words he had come up with before, but they seemed to slip past him. He took another deep breath, looked up at the empty space across the table, and started over.

“Jonny, I should have told you this before, but... the reason I wasn't invited to the wedding, and why my family hates me, as I'm sure you noticed, and actually, the reason why I asked you here tonight is because,” he quickly took in as much air as possible, “I'm gay. And, well, I like you. I'm sure you don't like me, though, but that's OK. I mean, it would be nice if you did, but I'm not expecting you to. I just thought I'd let you know...”

Chris let his voice trail off before he dropped his head into his hands and groaned in frustration. If he couldn't even get it right when he was talking to himself, how was he going to come across as anything other than a complete idiot while talking to Jonny?

“Chris?”

His head shot up at the familiarity of the voice, his pulse racing and his stomach churning. Sure enough, Jonny stood before him, tall and smiling, and Chris stood up to greet him.

“Hey, man,” Chris said. He and Jonny shared a brief hug, during which time Chris noticed the presence of a third person.

“Uh, I hope you don't mind, but I brought someone with me, someone I'd like for you to meet,” Jonny said. He reached his arm back and pulled close a petite woman, brown-haired and wide-eyed. Even Chris thought she looked pretty. “This is Carla, my new girlfriend.”

Chris locked up; his brain felt like it was going to explode, his heart like it was being stabbed over and over again.

“It's nice to meet you,” he absentmindedly replied, then quickly sit down for fear that his legs would no longer support him.

Jonny, only marginally noticing that something was wrong, said to Carla, “Carla, this is Chris,” and then the two sat down in the opposite side of the booth.

“Jonny's told me a bit about you,” Carla said. Although she had a nice face, her voice, which Chris felt was a little whiny, a little high-pitched, was not so nice. “I'm guessing he hasn't said anything about me before, though?”

“No, he hasn't,” Chris replied, his mind still struggling to focus. If he had been paying attention, he would have seen Carla's mouth twitch with disappointment.

Carla gave Chris a brief run-through of her life, none of which he heard. He tried to inconspicuously stare at Jonny for as long as he could. He had expected Jonny to reject him, but he would never have guessed that anything like this would happen. Maybe one day it would have, but now it just seemed like the worst timing ever.

The timing seemed to be a concern to Jonny as well, because when Carla excused herself under the pretense of needing to use the ladies' room, he leaned forward and quietly spoke to Chris, “I know it seems quick, only a week and a half after the wedding. It's a rebound, I know. We probably won't be together for more than a month.” Chris tried not to cringe as he thought of just how long that month would be. “But... you know, I need to get over this. I need to get over Jen.”

“I'm sure it's not easy,” Chris feebly replied.

“I think she understands, too,” Jonny added, staring in the direction of the restrooms, as if Carla's knowledge of the situation absolved him of any personal responsibility. “I mean, I've known her for a while. She knew about the wedding...”

Chris repressed the surge of sadness that threatened to consume him. He tried not to think of how handsome Jonny looked at the moment, and how Jonny probably dolled himself up just for Carla, even though he needn't have done so. Jonny looked back at Chris.

“She was there for me. She is there for me. That's what I need,” Jonny said, and he gave a small shrug as if to say that's that. But Chris was more intuitive than Jonny gave him credit for, and he realized that if Jonny had actually believed everything he was saying, there would be no need for him to say it, no need to explain his new relationship to Chris.

-Chapter Four-

“I never knew Jen had a brother.” Chris kept his eyes down most of the time to avoid seeing Jonny's arm wrapped around Carla's shoulder. For this particular response it seemed to add to the drama.

“As far as she's concerned, she doesn't,” he told Carla.

“Why is that?” Jonny sincerely asked, and Chris accidentally looked up. He played it cool, though; he sighed and went back to staring at the table.

“I'd rather not get into right now.” It worked, and Chris was relieved. He wouldn't have minded saying if the circumstances had been different.

Carla turned her head so that her mouth was mere inches from Jonny's neck, softly saying, “Jonny, I think I'm getting a bit tired.”

Chris scoffed to himself; it was only eight o'clock, eight-thirty at the latest. But he couldn't say that he wouldn't be glad to go home and sulk on his own. Maybe he would curl up on his couch and have a Spongebob marathon that stretched into the wee morning hours. He would never admit it to anyone, but whenever he was feeling down he would turn to Spongebob, and that would generally do the trick.

“Right. Why don't you go wait in the car and I'll be out in a few minutes,” Jonny said. He haphazardly kissed her cheek, and she slid out of the seat and began to walk away. Chris felt it finally safe to look up for an extended period of time.

“I'm glad you're happy,” he said. Jonny looked bewildered for some reason, like it was completely out of character for Chris to say such a thing. He shook his head and smiled at Chris.

“Thanks, man.” Jonny picked up the check, stared at it for a while, then went for his wallet. He refused to let Chris pay for his half, claiming that this would be how Jonny would repay him for the movie. Chris had nearly forgotten about that, and it really wouldn't have mattered to him if Jonny had ever paid him back. But Jonny was being very stubborn about this, so Chris agreed to let him pay for the meal.

“I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?” Jonny said as they parted ways, Jonny to head for his car and Chris to walk off alone into the cool summer night. Chris smiled at him, hands in his pockets and heart in pieces, and he nodded in agreement. Then he watched as Jonny walked away, and continued to watch until the man's figure disappeared into the darkness.

It seemed that Spongebob helped him forget his pain for a little while, but it ultimately didn't help; by the time the sun rose the next morning he had remembered, and the sadness rushed over him as though he had just met Carla seconds before.

He didn't know why he was having such a hard time dealing with it. It wasn't even the first time he'd been in this sort of situation. With the other cases he'd managed to get over it relatively quickly, sometimes even within a few minutes. But maybe he never liked someone as much as he liked Jonny.

The thought scared Chris a little. Jonny was definitely a great man, definitely someone Chris really wanted in his life, but there was such a small chance of them ending up together. As he lie on the sofa in his living room he closed his eyes, sighing and hoping that he wasn't just maybe falling for Jonny.

He decided to leave the apartment and go for a walk even before Jonny called him. He brought his cell with him just in case, though. As he made his way down Main Street, nearing the halfway mark (a rather old and beaten looking streetlight), his phone vibrated.

I see you. the text message read. It creeped him out just a little, even after he saw that it was from Jonny. He sighed as he shoved his phone back into his pocket, and he went to turn around, but was stopped by the sudden presence of hands on his shoulders.

“Did I scare you?” Jonny said in a low voice, directing his words right into Chris's ear. Chris held his breath for a minute until his sudden nausea passed.

“No,” he plainly said, and two seconds later Jonny had let go of him and was laughing rather jollily. Chris weakly joined in, and Jonny noticed that his heart wasn't in it.

“Why so down today, Mister Christopher?” Jonny asked, the concern in his tone and invention of a new nickname threatening to suffocate Chris.

“Well, Jonny,” Chris began, pointlessly fixing the collar of his shirt, “I would guess that maybe it's just one of those days. You know?”

“Ah, yeah, I hate that.” Jonny nodded shortly, smirked a little, then gently tapped Chris's arm. “Hey, why don't we go do something, then, to cheer you up?”

Chris's first thought was to respond with, “Yeah, I know just what we could do,” but luckily his second thought of Don't be an idiot came quickly enough to save him from himself.

“What do you have in mind?” He figured giving Jonny the option of what to do was much better than racking his brain for an activity that wouldn't lose him his new friendship with Jonny.

Jonny looked up to the sky, and Chris took in the way the light hit Jonny's beautifully green eyes and made them shine. A moment later he looked back at Chris and beamed. “You know that hardware store that shut down a few months ago?”

“Uh.. yeah.”

“Well,” Jonny's smile grew impossibly larger, “some bloke came along and renovated it. Now it's an arcade.” Jonny tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. Chris involuntarily grinned.

“I'm not-”

“You're not big on arcades?” Jonny interrupted with the same skepticism he'd had in the limousine. “Well, I'm not big on people who are... sad. So, you're just gonna have to deal with it.”

Before Chris could protest again, he was being dragged down the street, his arm tightly gripped by Jonny's hand. Half of him wanted to pull away and tell Jonny to just leave him along, but luckily he didn't listen to that half; instead, he just went along with it, laughing and letting himself feel maybe a little too comfortable.

-Chapter Five-

Jonny looked at Chris. Chris didn't notice, his eyes stuck on the screen in front of them. The light danced across his face, reflected in his tired eyes.

“Jonny, you're dying,” he solemnly said.

“Chris, you're depressing,” Jonny replied without skipping a beat. “Listen, I'm the one who's supposed to be upset. And-”

“That pink ghost's gonna get you-”

“-even if I'm maybe not so upset, I still don't want you to be unhappy.” Jonny frowned at Chris. Chris lifted his sad eyes to Jonny.

“Now you're dead.”

Jonny sighed and looked around the room. Chris stared at him, trying to figure out why he felt this way. He actually really did like arcades, and since Jonny had brought him there he had begun to feel better. But somehow that had changed.

“Dance with me,” Jonny abruptly said, and Chris blinked at him a few times in utter confusion. Jonny, seeing this, pointed past Chris's head and repeated his command.

Chris turned; behind him a few feet away was a DDR machine. He wanted to say no, but the energetic five-year-old inside of him couldn't resist. To not seem too enthused, though, he calmly walked over to the machine.

“Come on, Buckland,” he said, stepping onto the hard mat, “you're going down.”

Jonny laughed, inserted two coins into the proper slot, and joined Chris on the opposite mat. “I do believe that's you, Mister Christopher.”

Again with the nickname. Chris felt a rush of something swoop over him, but he had a feeling it would only do him harm in the long run. Still, he stupidly allowed himself to forget and just live in the present moment.

Five minutes later Chris had been proven wrong; Jonny was much better at the game than he'd expected. He's managed to score an entire thousand points higher than Chris. He started to do a victory dance, until he realized that maybe bragging like that wouldn't help Chris feel better.

“Sorry, I guess that's not helping,” he quickly said and stopped dancing. But Chris was laughing harder than he had been all day.

“No,” Chris said, “don't be sorry, I thoroughly enjoy seeing you make a fool of yourself.”

Jonny narrowed his eyes, then laughed along, the sound of his deep voice and the image of his bright smile invading Chris's soul without remorse. The sound of footsteps approaching was muffled by their laughter.

“I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you,” a manly voice said. “I've been watching, and you're nothin' compared to me.”

Jonny and Chris simultaneously looked back to find a short man behind them. The way he dressed made him seem as though he put on a tough facade in order to counteract his height. For a minute or so Jonny was even under the impression that he was being insulted by some teenage punk.

“Really,” Jonny disinterestedly replied. “Is that so?”

The short man took a large step forward, trying to appear intimidating by leaning very close to Jonny. “Yeah, that is so.” Chris couldn't help momentarily feeling a little jealous. “I'll bet I can kick your ass all around this dance mat.”

Jonny looked into the man's eyes, rather intrigued. “All right, you've got yourself a deal.”

Chris backed off his own mat and cautiously walked over to Jonny's side. The short man was soon joined by a group of his own friends, three other men who basically looked the same as he did, more or less.

“Oh, look, Matt's got himself into another dance-off,” one of them said.

Another replied, “Again? What a dork.”

“Shut up, guys!!” Matt snapped, and the three men laughed at him. Matt popped the collar of his shirt to rebuild his rough appearance, though it really didn't do anything but make him look increasingly phony. “Are you ready to do this or what?” he asked Jonny.

“Yeah, I'm ready whenever you are,” Jonny said.

Chris put his hand on Jonny's back and assured him he'd do well, though he quickly removed it and regretted the action just a little. It seemed like he was having a harder time now hiding his emotions than he had before, which was strange to him.

The music started and Jonny and Matt prepared themselves, Matt hopping up and down in place a few times and Jonny making sure his stance was all right. The arrows floated up the screen and both men hit them perfectly, until forty seconds in when Jonny missed one, bringing forth an eruption of “ohhhh!”s from his opponent.

“It's OK, Jonny, keep going. You're doing great!” Chris told him.

In truth, Chris would not have noticed Jonny's mistake had it not been for the outburst from the other side; Chris's eyes weren't on the screen, too busy darting back and forth between Jonny and the floor in shame.

The difficulty of the track escalated exponentially in the last thirty seconds, and the last ten forced the men to let their feet stay on the mats for no longer than a miniscule fraction of a second. Matt somehow fumbled and ended up being a little off, so he nearly missed the very last few arrows.

The men stopped, panting, and waited for their ultimate scores. Much to Matt and his friends' dismay, the totals appeared in Jonny's favor.

“OH!” Jonny shouted, as Matt thought of a way to redeem himself. “Oh!”

Jonny spun around and jumped off the mat, landing next to Chris and practically tackling Chris into a triumphant hug. Chris was smiling at Jonny's success, but the smile soon faded as he realized Jonny's sweaty body pressed against his was not a good idea.

And it may have only been Chris's fretfulness that made it seem so, but Jonny didn't appear to break the embrace for a very long time. Every tiny moment that went by was like blissful agony for Chris, and he tried, but failed, to distract himself by watching the losers sneer at them.

Then Jonny decided the situation also called for a double-handed high-five, because he and Chris had clearly not touched each other enough already.

-Chapter Six-

Since it was usually Jonny who called first each day, and the sun had nearly set entirely without Chris receiving so much as a text, he was a little worried.

“Jonny, I'm just calling to check up on you because I haven't heard from you yet today,” Chris said. The fact that he had to leave a voicemail didn't assuage his worry at all. “And, you know, I just want to make sure you're OK-”

Suddenly there was a click, and Jonny's voice came through dull and monotonous, “Hey, Chris. Sorry... I haven't called all day. I kinda... forgot.”

Chris felt a stab of sorrow in his chest, due not to the idea of Jonny forgetting him, but the obvious distress Jonny was in. “What's wrong?” Chris pressed his shoulder against his ear to keep it in place as he put on a light jacket. Then he grabbed his keys.

“Oh, you know... I got dumped. Nothing... important.” Jonny sighed and the air crackled through Chris's speaker.

“Shit, man,” Chris sympathetically replied, turning the key in his door and making sure the lock clicked properly. Despite his desire over the last three weeks or so to hear Jonny say that he no longer had a girlfriend, Chris seemed to focus more on Jonny's well-being than his own personal feelings. “You want some company?”

“You don't have to. I'm... fine on my own.”

“Well, you don't sound fine. And actually, I'm coming over whether or not you like it.” Chris pushed open the door and entered the outside world. The sky was almost completely black, a few stars peeking out here and there.

“Thanks,” Jonny replied, and even through the phone Chris could tell he was smiling a bit. At least, he thought it sounded in Jonny's voice like he was smiling.

Chris was at Jonny's door in about five minutes, and as he waited for Jonny to answer he unconsciously tucked his curls behind his ears and even dusted his jacket off a bit. Jonny looked awful, his mouth turned down in a frown that made his cheeks look sunken and his eyes baggy.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Chris asked him almost immediately. “It's a beautiful night, and it looks like you could do with some fresh air.”

Jonny stared at Chris for a while, and just when Chris began to feel uncomfortable he said, “All right.”

Jonny shut the door behind him and began to walk ahead of Chris. Chris caught up to him when they were out on the barely lit sidewalk, and to entertain himself he did a weird trick with his feet so that they were walking in step.

“Chris, you don't have a girlfriend, do you?” Jonny asked, rather randomly, and Chris was a little afraid of where this conversation would end up. But he kept his confidence regardless.

“No,” he answered. “And I never have.”

Jonny did a double-take, though that was in no way enough to convince him that he had heard correctly. “Wait, seriously, you've never had a girlfriend?”

Chris shrugged and looked off into the dark distance. “It's not something I'm interested in.” Jonny was silent for a while, thinking.

“Oh, so you've had boyfriends then?” he asked. Chris was a little surprised by not only Jonny's quickness to understand, but his seeming indifference to the subject.

“Yes,” Chris replied honestly. “I have been with other people before, just not girls.”

“How come you never said anything before?”

Chris thought briefly about telling Jonny the truth, but he decided against it. Maybe there would be a time for that in the future, but for now he just wanted to enjoy his time with Jonny. “I guess I just didn't think it was relevant.”

The men walked for tens of minutes without even realizing that much time had passed. As they strolled through the streets, Jonny further interrogated Chris. He mostly asked questions pertaining to Chris's sexuality and past relationships, but he wasn't judgmental; his questions seemed to suggest that he simply wanted to know more about Chris.

“Did you ever go to, like, a gay bar or something?” Jonny asked.

“Ah, no. I don't believe in going to bars to pick people up. I mean, you're probably just gonna end up meeting an alcoholic.”

Chris laughed a little, but Jonny kept a straight face. “So, you just go to weddings instead and hope the bride doesn't show?”

“What?” Chris asked not incredulously, but stunned. They both stopped walking, and Jonny stared at the ground, his eyes bulging and wondering what the hell had made him say that. Then Chris hesitantly stepped a little closer to Jonny. “I do like you.”

Jonny looked up, the confusion in his face washing away and revealing a new, unidentifiable emotion. “I want to like you,” he said in a low voice.

“You want to like me?”

“Yes. You're really nice and funny- you're a great guy.” Jonny smiled, but his mouth twitched after a few seconds and the grin was bittersweet. “But you're a guy.”

“Oh, well, that's, uh...” Chris flustered; he could feel his cheeks burning hot. “That's really...”

“There were actually a few times over the past couple of weeks when I wished Carla could be you. She... I don't know, I guess I thought she was a different person. She's not awful, mind, just not what I expected, I guess.”

Silence fell, and the two men were lost in their thoughts, the town around them beginning to sleep. Chris stared absentmindedly at a street sign nearby, and Jonny was watching a car that sat parked on the side of the road, but he quickly moved his eyes to something else. Chris felt odd for a second, and he realized why once he looked over and saw Jonny staring intently at him.

Then the next thing he knew their lips were locked together and sparks were shooting from everywhere in his body into the air. When it was over he hardly believed it was real, until he opened his eyes and saw that Jonny was still only about an inch away from him.

“Nothing?” Chris expectantly asked, patiently awaiting his disappointment.

“Um... more than you would think, actually.” The words hit Chris like some blunt force and made him lightheaded, though he really had trouble keeping his consciousness when Jonny's hands slid in the space between Chris's jacket and t-shirt. If Chris had fallen forward, Jonny would have been sure to catch him with his lips, which was basically what happened anyway.

As his tongue met Jonny's, Chris laid his hand on the side of Jonny's face, letting it rest near his ear and his fingertips brushed against Jonny's hair. His other hand rested on Jonny's hip, and if he had been aware of anything other than the kiss he would have thought how strange it was for him to finally be doing this.

-Chapter Seven-

“I can't believe you slept out here.” Chris looked up and blinked away his sleepiness. He smiled at the sight of Jonny leaning over the couch and staring at him.

“Me neither.” He sat up and brought his knees to his chest, though he still took up half the sofa. Jonny walked around and sat down on the now-empty portion.

“I mean, I would have gladly let you take my bed, and I'd have slept on this awful sofa,” Jonny said. Chris wrapped his arms around his legs.

“Water under the bridge now, isn't it? I didn't mind.” Chris leaned a bit and rested his chin on his knees. He watched Jonny, who was staring down at his feet and stretching his toes. “Good morning, by the way.”

Jonny slowly looked up and smiled kindly. “Good morning.”

“Did you even get any sleep?” Chris sweetly asked, though he was certain he knew the answer.

Jonny shook his head a little. “Nope,” he answered. “But... because I couldn't stop thinking about Jen. God, you look so much like her.”

“Well, we are twins,” Chris quietly said, and Jonny's eyes widened in response.

“What?” he nearly shrieked in his deep voice. “How is it that you've managed to hide all of this information from me until just now?”

“I don't know,” Chris said with a laugh. Then he dropped his legs down to the floor and scooted over next to Jonny. Their hands nearly touched. Chris just stared as Jonny kept his head down.

“Chris... I'm not sure that we should... I mean, it's not that I regret kissing you, I... I don't know if this...” Jonny taped his thumb against the upholstery of the sofa, searching for the right words. He sighed when he couldn't think of anything after a while.

“I understand,” Chris genuinely replied. “Like you said last night, I'm a guy. I get it.”

“You're not mad at me?”

“Of course not. Listen, I actually don't mind only being friends with you, especially since I know that you would like me... and, if I'm perfectly honest, it's a hell of a lot easier to accept us only being friends when you're single.” Jonny laughed and brought his green eyes in line with Chris's blue ones.

“All right,” he said. “But I do have to admit something. Usually when I'm unsure of whether or not I want to be in a relationship, it ends up being one of the more serious ones I've had. Like with your sister...”

Chris smiled at him and tried not to get his hopes up regardless of what he had just heard. “What do you want to do today, Jonny?”

“Nothing, really,” Jonny replied. “It's raining anyway, isn't it?”

Chris raised an eyebrow and looked up at the ceiling, as if that would help him clarify. He did indeed begin to hear the light patter of rain, though it was probably the rain hitting the window that he heard.

“So it is... Could we just hang out here, then?” Chris asked.

“Sure.” Jonny sat even further back than he was before, almost trying to sink into the sofa. He laced his fingers together and placed them on his abdomen, and Chris sadly moved his own hand from where it had been. “Here's an idea, why don't you tell me more about yourself? Because I get the feeling there's a lot I don't know.”

“Fair enough. Where should I start?”

For what seemed like hours, Chris went on and on about his childhood. He told Jonny about his elementary school experiences being teased by the bigger kids in his class for being as scrawny as he was, about his junior high school experiences being teased by the jocks in his class for being in the mixed choir, about his high school experiences being alienated from his family after coming out, and about his adult experiences learning that his family had excluded him from almost everything.

“I only heard about Jen's wedding- Jen's and yours- because I had to make the horrible trip to my parents' house to pick something up from my mum,” Chris explained. “I found the invitation posted on the fridge. So I wrote down the information and stuff when she wasn't looking and stuffed the paper into my pocket. Then I crashed the wedding, and no one seemed too happy about that.”

“I'm happy you did,” Jonny said, and Chris smiled a little.

“Right, the people on your side didn't care that I was there. But everyone else, I think, was trying to pretend I wasn't.” Chris stared at the wall across the room, and as he talked he didn't notice that Jonny was slowly sliding down in his seat. “I also discovered when I went to see my mum that my dad had died, and apparently I was not important enough to be informed. Or asked to attend the funeral.”

Jonny let his head fall to the side, and it stopped moving once it hit Chris's shoulder. Chris looked down at him and couldn't help grinning. He decided then to be silent until Jonny spoke, because he didn't want to ruin what was such a nice moment for him.

“I... I'm still not entirely sure...”

“It's OK, remember? I understand,” Chris said, though he felt as though there was nothing for him to understand. Things seemed to be going his way now.

“Yeah, but you saying that just makes me want you more.” Jonny shifted a little so that he was able to wrap both arms around Chris's stomach. Chris intended to move his arm and let his hand rest on Jonny's lower back, but he was stopped by the fit of giggles that burst from inside of him.

“I'm sorry,” he said through laughter when Jonny looked up at him with concern, “but that tickles.”

“It does, does it?” Jonny asked, sitting up, and Chris bit his lip and nodded. “Well, then, I wonder what it would be like if I do this-”

Jonny proceeded to actually tickle Chris, and Chris screeched howls of laughter into the air as he uncontrollably twitched and realized that at this point his life was wonderful.

-Chapter Eight-

“Chris,” Jonny slowly began, “I think you're my best friend.”

Chris set down the glass of water he was holding and said nothing, just blinking at Jonny contemplatively.

“Did you know I think you look very nice tonight, Jonny,” Chris mentioned.

“Yes, you told me that earlier.” Jonny shifted his eyes about the table for a while. His heart was starting to pound in his chest. “Did you hear-”

“Yes,” Chris replied with a smile, “and you're treating it like it's a love confession. I like it.”

Jonny flustered a little, spots of red bleeding through his cheeks; he hadn't meant for it to sound that way, but he knew that Chris was right. And Jonny sort of liked it, too.

Chris leaned across the table, laying one his hands over his chest. “You're my best friend, too,” he whispered very secretively. Then he laughed, sat back, and drank some more water. “Of course, it's not like I really have other friends.”

“Neither do I. I thought I did, but it seems that maybe they were all just Jen's friends.”

“That very same thing happened to me,” Chris said with a blank expression. “When I was a teenager, of course. I guess that's not so surprising, though, considering we're twins. But they were all her friends first, kinda like...”

Chris's voice faded into the air and he stared into the empty space before him. Jonny waited for a bit, then bent forward and said, “Kinda like...”

Chris looked at Jonny and shook his head a little. “Kinda like how you were her boyfriend first,” he finished.

“Oh, right.” Jonny lowered his eyes, staring at the table and actually looking ashamed.

“I don't mind,” Chris clarified, “I just thought it was... interesting.”

Jonny opened his mouth the speak, but he was cut off by the entrance of their waitress, there to take their orders. Chris rattled off a bunch of the fancy French food names- it was a French restaurant, after all- and suddenly Jonny became very intimidated. He had never even said so much as “bonjour” in his entire life, and the prospect of having to order something basically in French scared him greatly. For a split second he wondered what possessed him to pick this restaurant to dine in; it wasn't like he had ever thought to go there before with anyone else he had dated.

The waitress turned to Jonny, and he tried to use the same skill Chris had, but he fell short of his own expectations. Chris smiled kindly at the waitress as she turned to leave, and when he went to grab another drink he noticed Jonny had started fidgeting.

“Jonny, what's up?” he asked. Jonny looked up at Chris and blushed.

“I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.”

“What, you've never been on a date before?” Chris looked at Jonny disbelievingly and mockingly laughed a bit. Jonny stared back at him, unamused, and tilted his head to the side.

“Not with a guy,” Jonny said. He quickly brought his hand to his neck and began to scratch fervently.

“It's hardly different than with a girl,” Chris replied, absentmindedly running his finger around the rim of his glass. Jonny stopped the scratching and snorted.

“Like you would know?” Chris raised his eyes and smiled.

“Good point.”

“Anyway, I... I just want to impress you,” Jonny quietly added. Chris reached his arm across the table and laid his hand on Jonny's forearm.

“Jonny, I think I need to impress you far more than you need to impress me.” Jonny kept his eyes down, but he moved his other arm so that he could grab Chris's hand. “I mean, all you really need to do to impress me is sit there and breathe.”

Jonny wasn't entirely convinced, but he decided to at least try to believe Chris's words. He was still really anxious, and probably over-thought everything he was going to say much more than necessary. Chris intuitively picked up on this, but he thought Jonny's behavior was endearing.

The food was not as delicious as it sounded, though it didn't actually sound that great to begin with. But neither Jonny or Chris minded, because they were too busy focusing on each other to pay much attention to the quality of the food.

Once the dinner had been paid for, the two men stepped outside of the restaurant, and Jonny began to head in the direction of his car.

“Wait,” Chris said, gently grabbing Jonny's arm. Jonny cautiously turned around and looked at Chris expectantly. “We should walk around for a bit.”

“Well... OK.” Chris released his hold on the arm which Jonny then lifted and placed around Chris's shoulder. They began to stroll down the sidewalk, Chris with his hands in his pockets as he stared at Jonny and Jonny with his head down, watching the pavement move beneath them.

The sun was setting, its orange glow spreading and covering the earth like a blanket. Suddenly, halfway down the road, Chris began to talk, and kept going on and on until they had circled the entire block once. Jonny never once lifted his head, but he was always smiling at the sound of Chris's voice.

“You're still nervous, aren't you?” Chris asked Jonny as they stopped along the side of Jonny's car. Jonny looked up at him, stared for a few seconds, then shrugged.

“I can't help it.” Trying desperately not to move in any way, Jonny forced himself to make eye contact with Chris for an extended length of time. No longer was Chris's nose of any importance to him; now it was only those bright blue eyes, the same ones that shook him and made him feel safe all at once, that caught his attention.

Without breaking the stare, Chris glided closer to Jonny, took his hand, and the next thing Jonny knew Chris's lips were upon his and everything was all right.

“We can leave now, yeah?” Chris whispered, still less than an inch away from Jonny's face, and Jonny nodded.

He held the door open for Chris, then walked around to the driver side and sat himself in the car. The sound of Chris's buckle clicking into place was the only thing to be heard until the engine roared to life. Then Jonny put on his own seat belt and started to back the car up.

“You know,” Chris said as Jonny pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road, “if we were the ones getting married, I wouldn't leave you.”

Jonny allowed himself to glimpse briefly at the other man, and he smiled brightly. “Well, that's always good to know.”

And they drove off into the summer night.