SPLEEEEEEEEEE....N.

“Oh my God!”

The room had been silent until Chris screamed. Everyone was shocked.

Having the metaphorical spotlight placed upon his slender frame, Chris lifted his hand to his forehead and feigned distress.

“You guys... my best friends... my lover,” Chris momentarily normalized himself and winked at Jonny, “... and Phil...”

Phil narrowed his eyes. But he knew he wasn't liked. He was liked, but he wasn't well-liked.

“I... I'm dying-”

“WHAT?”

The sound of Jonny's chair falling to the ground echoed long after his outburst had faded.

“Chris,” he said, swooping over to the delusional man, “Wh... How? How am I supposed to live without you?”

“Jonny,” Chris said, taking Jonny's hands with tears in his eyes, “I'll always be with you, no matter what.”

The music swelled, Jonny and Chris slowly leaning towards each other. The pure emotional intensity of the scene impacted everyone in the room, and Guy reached behind him to find support in the table.

SCRRAATCH!

All eyes shot to Guy, who blushed and grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

He lifted his hand from the record player and the music resumed.

Seconds passed, and just before the most pivotal moment, Will said, “Wait a minute.”

Chris rolled his eyes with a sigh and asked, “What is it this time?”

“I was just going to ask you the same thing. Last week you told us you had the plague- or, you thought you had the plague.”

“I had several of the symptoms-”

“Hiccups are not a symptom of the plague, Chris!” Will told him.

Chris attempted to retort, but failing to do so he resorted to throwing a tantrum. He threw his hands up and collapsed in a pile on the floor.

“I'm dying!” he whined. “Why won't you guys believe me?”

“Because, Chris, you always overreact to everything,” Will replied.

“I do not!” Chris stood up and crossed his arms.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! Will, when I have I ever been known to overreact?”

Will turned around and picked the remote off the table. He hit one of the buttons, and some fancy-pants screen descended from the ceiling.

Suddenly an image was projected, Chris bursting into a room where Will had been quietly reading. Chris fell to his knees and waved his arms around.

“WILL, WE'RE OUT OF NAPKINS!” he cried. “AHHHHH! OUT OF NAPKINS!”

Then the scene changed to Chris banging on the door of Will's apartment.

“WILL! I accidentally removed the 'Do not remove by penalty of law' tag on my mattress! Hide me, HIDE ME!”

The last bit showed up without an image, just Chris screaming, “WILL! WILL! I'VE GONE BLIND-” A light flipped on, and Chris appeared, standing in the middle of a room, Will by the light switch. “Oh. Thanks, Will!”

The clips ceased and the screen returned to its home. Will looked at Chris with an I-told-you-so expression. Chris wasn't having any of that.

“Listen, Will,” he said in a most serious tone, “I have appendicitis. I know it. It's serious, and I won't even be able to make it to a hospital.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“It's just something a person knows, you know? I am going to die, and I've accepted that. Will, it's time you face the facts.”

Will stared blankly at Chris for a minute or so. “Chris,” he began, trying his hardest to at least sound understanding, “why is it that you feel so strongly about this? What makes you believe you're dying?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “If you must know, I have terrible stomach pains. Therefore, I have appendicitis.”

“You don't seem to be in bad shape... I mean, you're not, like, doubling over or anything,” Guy pointed out.

“Well, it's not so bad right this second,” Chris obviously said. “Plus, there was all this loud rumbling, and I thought at first it was a storm outside or something... but no, it was just my appendix bursting and flooding my system with death.”

Chris turned back to Jonny, tears splashing down his cheeks. “Jonny... my one true love, Jonny, when I die, I want you to... I want you to have my... my Barbie collection!” Chris fell into Jonny's arms and cried into his shoulder. “Jonny-Ken and everything!”

“Chris... when's the last time you ate?”

Chris pulled back and shrugged. Jonny sighed and pulled Chris into the other room to save him from embarrassment.

“Oh, Jonny, I see what you're doing. One last time on the Chrismobile before I kick the bucket, eh?”

Chris winked, or tried to wink, and Jonny just shook his head.

“I don't think you're dying-”

“No, not you, too! They've turned you against me, haven't they??? Ohhh, my poor Jonny!”

“No, it's just that... what you described sounds more like hunger pains than appendicitis.”

Chris was quiet for a few moments, then he gasped and opened his mouth about as far as it would go. He looked like some sort of weird smiley face.

“Jonny, you are right! You are so, so right!”

“Yeah... Maybe we should go get something to eat, then?”

Chris smiled and nodded.

“Although...” Jonny began, “since we are in here alone... Is that Chrismobile offer still good?”