Hypnotic Confidence

Jonny rubbed his eyes. They felt dry, scratchy, his eyelids heavy and aching to close. The glowing numbers beside him taunted him and let him know that he had to get himself up in ten minutes. But he hadn't slept a wink all night...

Three weeks ago Jonny experienced something he'd never felt before- depression. He was always a happy guy, the kind you could tell all your problems to and know that he would listen and sympathize, but was never weighed down with his own problems. It was a surprise to him then when one morning he looked in the mirror and was utterly disappointed with what he saw.

His beard was far too thick, his hair was beginning to thin, his eyebrows were so long. And those were just the physical aspects. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find a single thing about himself that he liked, inside or outside.

What made everything worse was that he had to go out that day. The band was working on their new album. Jonny couldn't bail, but he knew that he was going to suck and bring everyone else down.

Damn he thought this must be what Chris feels like everyday.

A thought struck the long-eyebrowed man. Chris, his best friend, could surely help out somehow. Chris was always putting himself down, there must have been some way for Chris to help Jonny.

“Fucking hell,” Chris agonized. He'd only missed one piano note, but it made a world of difference to him. He sighed and laid his head down on the keys. The room was silent as the other three men stared, watching as Chris's back rose and fell dramatically with every deep breath he took.

“All right,” Will spoke after a while. “I think we should take a break.”

Will and Guy both set off for the other room, probably going to get a bite to eat. Chris stayed exactly where he was, in the same position, and Jonny slowly walked around to his side.

Chris turned his head only a little as he felt Jonny sit down next to him.

“Jonny, don't worry about me. I'll be fine.”

“Um, OK.” Jonny paused, fidgeted. “But I wanted to ask you something.”

The awful mood Chris was in lifted instantly and he sat straight up, blue eyes piercing Jonny with concern and what even looked like excitement.

“What did you want to ask?”

“How will you be fine?” Jonny replied in an uncertain tone. “Only, I've been feeling kind of... bad. And I know you seem to be like this a lot, so... maybe you could give me some advice...”

Chris stared at Jonny pitifully, but he smiled a little. “Sure, I know just the thing.”

Chris went on to explain how every night he went to bed and listened to a specific CD. It was a hypnotic CD, meant to subconsciously boost Chris's self-esteem.

“I made it myself, so sometimes it's weird to listen to my own voice,” he said. “But I'm sure it'll work fine for you! I can bring it to you tomorrow, if you like.”

“That sounds great,” Jonny smiled. “Thanks.”

Chris beamed back at Jonny as Will and Guy reentered the room. From then to the end of the day Chris was in a much better mood, and Jonny hoped he would be feeling the same soon.

The CD was discreetly slipped into Jonny's guitar case during the next day's work. Just before they all left Chris winked at Jonny and smiled. Jonny wondered briefly what had possessed Chris to make his own self help CD, but he couldn't say he wasn't glad for it.

Fitted nicely in his blue silk pajamas, Jonny grabbed the dusty old CD player from his closet and plugged it in beside his alarm clock. He slid the disc out of its paper case and inserted it into the player, then quickly shut off his light and scampered back to bed.

Within five minutes he was asleep, the soothing tone of Chris's voice relaxing him. He didn't even know what Chris was saying, it was just nice to hear him speaking in such a soft voice.

The next morning he woke up not feeling much better than the day before. But he hadn't expected the method to work literally overnight. He knew it was going to take a while.

But here he was now, three weeks later, and he had just undone all of the progress he made.

Well, he didn't actually do it. The only thing he did was stay awake, and that was when it all went wrong. He wanted to sleep, but he had introduced into his system an amount of caffeine that it was not used to; that night he drank an entire can of Mountain Dew.

So he laid in bed, eyes wide open and pointed at the ceiling, listening to Chris telling him that he was worth something. The CD didn't work quite as well when he was actually listening to it.

“You are smart. You are a great person,” Chris's voice told him. It was mostly the same over and over. And over.

“You are kind. You are intelligent.”

Jonny sighed loudly and was about to close his eyes when suddenly-

“You love Chris. You love him.” And Jonny's eyes did the complete opposite. They went so wide that he thought for a second they might just pop out of his head.

“Whenever you see him, you smile and your heart beats a little faster. Whenever you talk to him, all you really want to do is grab him and kiss him like you've never kissed anyone before.”

It was just the caffeine, right? It was messing with Jonny's head. Plus, it had to be at least two in the morning. He had simply gone temporarily mad from the lack of sleep was all.

But he knew better, and he listened on.

“You love him. You want to hold him securely in your arms and never let go. You love Chris.”

Jonny sat straight up, confused and really, really tired. But mostly confused. He looked over to the CD player as if it would bring him any clarity, thinking that maybe Chris would continue on this spiel of his. Part of him actually wanted that.

“You are funny. You are kind.”

Jonny buried his face in his hands and collapsed backward onto his pillows. He stayed that way until the sun began to rise and peeked its rays through his curtains. The CD played another five times, and each time it came to that one part, Jonny's heart raced and he felt his cheeks get hot. For some reason it embarrassed him. Like, why would Chris say these things except that maybe Chris had feelings for him?

The last time Jonny had known about someone liking him was in the fifth grade. A girl called Andrea Winters walked up to him during recess one day and gave him a note. He threw up almost immediately after reading it.

He didn't feel nauseous this time, but he did get that same desire to hide, shrink away and disappear into thin air. Luckily he was alone, but it didn't help much. He still was rather uncomfortable.

Unless Chris was just trying to mess with him.

But then why say Chris? Why not pick Guy or Will to be the other victim of this twisted prank?

So that had to be it. Chris liked Jonny- no, he must have loved him. The way he spoke was so passionate. Jonny searched and searched, racking his brains for clues he may have missed. Clues that could have somehow suggested to him, Jonny, your best friend is in love with you.

Was that uncommon? He had often heard many fictional stories where two best friends fall in love, and all fiction must have some base in reality. His face turned redder when he caught himself thinking that- two best friends fall in love.

He didn't particularly want to fall in love with Chris. Chris was one of the greatest people Jonny had ever met, but he required enough cautiousness and attention as it was. Who knows what he would be like in a serious relationship?

The thoughts just kept running through his mind until he finally pulled himself out of bed and went to get dressed. With every second that passed he became more and more uncertain of how exactly he should react. He knew there was obviously no clear-cut way, but he found it hard to decipher his own feelings.

As he walked through the door and into the studio, he decided it was anger that he felt. It was strange being angry, though; Jonny couldn't even remember a time in his life where he had actually been angry. But he found no other emotion to better fit the strange sickness he felt.

During one of the songs, Chris briefly looked up at Jonny, who was shooting daggers at Chris from across the room. A mere second later Chris was frozen, staring, with a most apologetic look painted upon his face.

“Jonny, I'm so sorry!!” he cried, the sound of his voice and the sudden lack of piano made the other two men stop playing as well. “Please don't hate me.”

“I don't know, Chris,” Jonny said. “I mean, it's one thing to try to help me, but to control me like that...” Jonny shook his head, at a total loss for words. Standing there and looking at Chris, it was hard to believe that this man was the same one whose voice he'd heard trying to brainwash him.

“I just... I don't know why I did it.” Chris looked down at his piano. “Well, I mean, I know why I did it, but... I don't know what came over me. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway.”

“So you do...?”

“Yes,” Chris grumbled.

There was a small pause, then Guy asked, “What's going on?”

Jonny was prepared to answer, but his eyes were stuck on Chris's image, regretfully frowning at the piano. Then for some reason he felt bad, and the desire to hug Chris and tell him everything was OK overwhelmed him. And his heart beat faster, and he focused more on that frown, not for the emotion behind it but for those soft lips that formed it.

“Shit,” he said. Chris slowly looked up, sensing that something had changed. When he saw the look on Jonny's face, no longer resentful but now perhaps a little longing, he smiled.

“It worked, didn't it?” he asked.

“Is that really how you want all of this to happen?” Jonny replied, internally struggling against his feelings. “You have to brainwash me otherwise... nothing?”

“Jonny, did any of the rest of that work? You don't look like you're any more confident than you were three weeks ago.”

“What's your point?”

“My point is,” Chris said, “that maybe it wasn't brainwash, maybe it was just... bringing out what was already there.”

For the first time in well over a minute, Jonny's eyes shifted to the side and he remembered that Guy and Will were still there with them. Both men were staring at Jonny and Chris, trying to make sense of what was going on, but ultimately failing to come up with anything.

“Can we talk about this later?” Jonny asked, and Chris smiled condescendingly at him.

“No.” Chris stood up and made his way over to where Jonny stood. Without saying another word, Chris grabbed the guitar from Jonny and slipped the strap over his head. He rested the guitar against the nearby wall, then placed both hands firmly on Jonny's arms and pulled him close.

Jonny had expected more to happen, but all Chris did was just stare right into Jonny's eyes. It was almost a bit scary, and Jonny felt really exposed, but he went with it anyway. Finally Jonny grew far too impatient and decided that he would make the first move instead.

“Yeah, that's... I didn't do that,” Chris whispered giddily as they broke apart. “You've been wanting this for a long time. Longer than three weeks.”

“I guess so,” Jonny said.

“So have I.” Chris smiled brightly, and Jonny grinned back, and somewhere on the other side of the room Guy cleared his throat.

“Great, can we get back playing now?” he shouted, but Chris and Jonny ignored him.

“I really am sorry,” Chris sincerely told Jonny. “As soon as I gave you that CD I felt awful, but there was nothing I could do about it then. I just sorta hoped you wouldn't find out.”

“It's... all right, I suppose. Just don't do it again,” Jonny commanded, but he laughed a little as he said it.

“Can I do this again?” Chris leaned forward and softly kissed Jonny.

“Well, I don't mind it, but I think some other people do,” Jonny replied, nodding his head to the side, in the direction that Guy, tapping his foot impatiently and wearing the same angry look Jonny had before, was sitting.

“Come on, boys, let's get playing!” Chris exclaimed, clapped his hands together, and sat down at the piano again.

Jonny never noticed it, but his confidence immediately returned at that moment, though sometimes at night he would still listen to the CD just to hear Chris's voice.