100 Words

Every morning, when the sun was still gone and his parents were still asleep, Chris sat down at his desk and wrote. He wrote letters, each only a page long. A new day, a new letter to write.

Some of the letters were happy. Some of the letters were sad. Some were love letters, though Chris never felt sincere writing those ones.

Chris wrote to himself, he wrote to his parents, he wrote to his brothers and sisters, and he wrote to his friends. He wrote to people he had yet to meet, and to people who he could never meet. He wrote to the living and he wrote to the deceased.

He hadn't honestly expected to make it past a month. Thirty letters alone seemed like a lot, and Chris never had the best skills for keeping a schedule. But something changed for him with this task he pressed upon himself. There seemed to be some reason that he always remembered to write.

Through the course of time, he realized that he was writing to find out why he wrote. His letters, while never intended to receive any responses, became filled with all sorts of rhetorical questions.

To his parents he asked if they felt their lives had been intended for them. To his brothers and sisters he asked if they knew what it was like to not know. To his friends he asked why they had been brought together as they were. To his grandparents he asked if they had any regrets. To the living he asked why they lived, and to the deceased he asked if it had all been worth it.

His determination was so strong that before he knew it, not one month had passed, but three. And then another week passed.

Chris numbered every one of the letters. He was actually frightened when he saw the number 100 at the top of the page. His fear may have stemmed from the feeling that this was it. This was the letter that he needed to write, because it would give him an answer. One final answer.

The usual quiet that filled the house as he wrote was now eerie and bone-chilling. Chris shivered and his hands trembled. He thought he might not even be able to write this letter, because he was shaking so hard. But as the pen touched the paper, the lines of ink came out as steady as ever.

This day he wrote to someone he didn't know, a boy called Jonny. It felt as if some sort of otherworldly presence was trying to speak through Chris, because he had never met this boy, but he knew everything about him. He could feel the pain this boy had been through, all the suffering he had experienced and the tears he had cried. Chris's heart went out to this boy.

He told Jonny that everything was going to be OK. That no matter what awful tragedies he had endured, there would always be someone there to help him get by. Chris wrote that he would be there for this boy, and as he wrote he seemed to have forgotten that they didn't even know each other. But Jonny was as real to him as anything else in his life.

Chris wrote that Jonny could always trust in him, and he would always be a shoulder to cry on, if Jonny ever needed it. Then it was no longer Jonny's pain that he felt, but his own pain. He quickly reread what he had written, surprised to find that unlike the other letters, this one lacked any questions. Maybe it wasn't so surprising after all, but he realized that it did need a question, the one question that was burning in Chris's heart.

Some of the blue lines on the page ran down as a few tears splashed onto the paper, and Chris penned the last line of the letter: But, Jonny... why don't you love me?

Chris threw his pen across the room and buried his head in his hands. He wasn't very happy at all with his discoveries, though even from the beginning he was skeptical of the idea that he would be pleased with his answer. After a few minutes he looked back at the paper, snatched it from the desk and crumpled it with a fiery anger coursing through his veins.

Then Chris opened the drawer of his desk and took out every single one of the other ninety-nine letters. He left his room exactly as it was as he walked out into the living room and headed straight for the fireplace.

Once he had the fire going strong enough, Chris began to throw the papers in one by one, classified by who he had written them to. He threw his parents' letters in and knew what life was intended for him. He threw his brothers' and sisters' letters in and knew that he would never fully know. He threw his friends' letters in and knew that he and Jonny would meet so that he could save Jonny. He threw in his grandparents' letters and knew that he would always have regrets.

He knew he would live for Jonny, but as he burned the rest of the letters his feelings changed, and he suddenly knew that it would all be worth it.

When he reached the letter marked 100, he stopped. He had burned the rest in anger, because he didn't want this to be his future, a dreary and loveless existence that he would live in vain. He put the fire out and carried the letter to Jonny with him as he returned to his room.

His last question was mistakenly asked.

He folded the paper and kept it in his shirt pocket for the rest of the day. Then the next day he took it out and put it in the new shirt he wore. For three years he did this, and every day the paper rested against his heart.

At the age of nineteen, Chris was entering his second year of college. He was not late for his first class, but by the time he walked into the room, almost all of the seats had been taken. He quickly rushed to the first seat he could find, and as he turned to his right he saw that he was sitting next to an unusually depressed-looking boy. And something clicked.

"Excuse me," he said to the boy, as he reached for his pocket. He unfolded the paper before he handed it over. "I think this is for you."

The boy, rather startled, took the paper and began to read it. It was obvious that he had not read much of it before he set it down and reached for something in his backpack. Chris sat by patiently, waiting for whatever this boy was about to do.

Without a word, Chris was handed another paper by the boy. The first thing he noticed was that at the top of the page had been written the number 100. He didn't even need to read the letter to know what it said, and he looked up and smiled at the boy, who grinned right back.

Then Chris looked down at the bottom of the letter, just because, and he read the very last line: You probably think I don't love you, but I'm just too afraid to show it.

And Chris was very pleased with his answer.

A Message

A song was missing, we felt it so.
The record was unbalanced, something needed to go
in there to fix it, but we weren't quite sure what.
It seemed we were stuck in quite a rut.
One night Chris went home, as he usually would,
and the next morning he came back with something spectacularly good.
"Fellows, gather round," he said to us all,
"I'll play you this song if you come out of the hall."
So we three filled the room along with dear Chris,
and he played us the song that was magical bliss.
"My word, Chris, you've done it!" enthusiastically said by Will,
and we all took turns to awe at Chris's skill.
We asked him to humor us, to hear our plead
and tell us how it came about; reluctantly, he agreed.
"I'll tell you the truth, but I hope you can take it
For you see, my friends, I wrote this song naked."
And not one of us could believe the words that he spoke
Will was left with wide eyes, Guy looked like he'd had a stroke.
But I was calm, for I had actually be lying ere.
It was no surprise, because when Chris wrote it, I was there.
It was a good story to tell the fans, made the girls go crazy
and swoon and nearly faint, acting quite hazy.
Imagine what would have happened had they known I was there as well-
it's possible our lives could have become total hell.
The information, if leaked, would cause an absolute fuss,
and so for that reason we'll keep it just between us.

To Dare

Jonny stood at his locker, staring blankly into its interior. It was far too early in the morning to think. And it was far too early in the morning to pay attention to anything that Chris was saying to him, all hyper and bubbly like always, but that didn't stop Chris from chatting on and on. Of course, Chris did realize that his talking was pointless, and so he never mentioned anything of importance.

But this particular morning, Chris had a very serious subject which he wished to speak to Jonny about. It did make him rather nervous, though, so for a few minutes he actually said nothing. Jonny hardly noticed, lost in his own dream world.

Something brought Jonny back to the moment, and he figured that it was probably the eerie silence surrounding him. He slowly turned his head to make sure that Chris was still standing there, and he was, very pale and wide-eyed. He just blinked at Jonny a few times.

“Chris, are you feeling all right?” he asked, probably the first thing he had said since he had said goodbye to his mother as he left the house for school. “You look kinda...”

Jonny let his sentence trail off, and Chris cautiously nodded. He tried to muster as much courage as possible before answering with any actual words. He took a deep breath, though it didn't feel like much air had been taken in.

“I was just... wondering,” Chris began, his voice as shaky as his unstable legs at the moment. His fingers fiddled with the buttons on his jacket. “Well, are you doing anything Friday night?”

“No,” Jonny slowly and skeptically replied. “Why?”

“Um, you know- well, no, I guess you don't know, but I...” Chris tried to pull himself together, forced himself to make eye contact with Jonny even though it frightened him greatly to do so. “I was wondering if maybe you would want to, perhaps, say... um... go... on a date with me?”

Before the words even escaped his lips Chris could feel his cheeks heating up, burning bright red. He was even more afraid now of what he would see in Jonny's eyes, so he broke his gaze and stared down at his trembling hands. He had done it, it was over. He told himself that it shouldn't matter what the answer was. He could live with being rejected, after all-

“Sure,” Jonny quietly answered.

Chris was completely taken aback. His head shot up and his jaw dropped, and somewhere in the distance behind Jonny came a loud shout, “Oh my God!!”

Jonny spun around; not far from where he and Chris were standing was Guy, Will beside him, snickering. Guy stared at him with as much shock as Chris, maybe even a tad more.

“What's going on?” Jonny worriedly asked. He was starting to think that there was way more going on than he was aware of.

“You said yes! You actually said yes!!” Guy exclaimed, his eyes only increasing in size. “I didn't think you'd say yes...”

Will cut his laughter out long enough to at least moderately explain to Jonny. “We dared him to do it,” he said. “We dared him to ask you out.”

“I didn't think you'd say yes,” Guy defensively repeated.

Then suddenly Jonny felt like a complete idiot, and all he wanted to do was go hide somewhere and potentially stay there for the rest of his life. He couldn't even stand the thought of facing Chris again. The presence of Chris's hand on his shoulder did nothing to help. Jonny involuntarily turned, instantly regretting it, but it was too late to turn back.

“You would really go out with me?” Chris asked, his voice low in hope that Guy and Will would not hear.

Jonny shrugged a little. “Yeah.”

Chris smiled, pulling back his hand from Jonny's shoulder. “So, Friday's good for you?”

Jonny shook his head a bit to make sure that he wasn't simply imagining things. When he was convinced that all was real, he smiled back. “Friday's great.”

Chris had intended to reply, but he found himself to be entirely speechless. So for the next few moments, he and Jonny simply grinned at each other. In the background, Will scoffed.

“You know, I had a bad feeling that something like this was gonna end up happening,” he said. “Now they're gonna start dating and we'll constantly have to hear about it.”

“I think it's kinda cute,” Guy told Will. “I mean, look at them.” Will did as Guy suggested, and it seemed that Chris and Jonny had gone back to their usual positions, Jonny staring into his locker while Chris rambled in his ear. “They've been best friends for a lot longer than we've even known them. I think we may have actually helped them out.”

“Best friends doesn't mean shit,” Will retorted. “You and I've been best friends for as long as they have and we don't...”

Will's words became lost somewhere in the air, the awkward silence that consumed them hanging over the two boys like an extraordinarily heavy weight. Guy kept his focus on Chris and Jonny as a distraction, and Will just looked over to the wall that happened to be nowhere near Guy.

“I think I should be off to class now,” Guy said. He cleared his throat, scratched the back of his neck, and finally tore his eyes away from his other friends. “See you later.”

“Right,” Will lamely replied, and the two walked off in totally opposite directions despite their next classes being right beside each other.

“It was, like, the craziest thing I had ever heard- and, Jonny?” Jonny looked up and into Chris's big, blue eyes. “I'm really excited for Friday. I mean, it's only been a few minutes and I already can't stop thinking about it. Is it Friday yet?”

Jonny had to think for a moment. “Two days,” he said. He closed his locker and took a step closer to Chris. “It will come soon enough, don't worry.”

“I suppose. But in the meantime-” Chris leaned forward and quickly pecked Jonny on the cheek. “I'll walk you to your next class,” he brightly offered.

“All right,” Jonny replied. The two began to walk down the hallway, taking their time even though the bell was to ring in a very short amount of time. Neither of them had to speak, as it was plenty just to be near the other. And as they walked a little further, Jonny accidentally brushed his arm against Chris's, and somehow that action caused their hands to slide into each other's, and their fingers to lace.

In the Woods

It was dark, pitch black, but as it was nighttime, that was to be expected. I couldn't sleep, and even though his eyes were closed, I know he couldn't either.

“Jonny,” I whispered to him. I heard a faint rustling as Jonny turned over in his sleeping bag. Through the dark I could just barely make out the outline of his face, and the whites of his eyes were like a dull grey as he blinked several times in quick succession.

“What is it, Chris?” he asked, clearly tired, his speech slurred from fatigue. His one hand was laying under his head, cradling his cheek, and for a moment I forgot what I was going to say. All I could think about was how I'd like that to be my hand instead.

In the background somewhere crickets chirped and owls hooted, and I finally pulled myself together to ask, “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“A bit,” he said. He propped himself up on his elbow and stretched a little, his other hand pushing against his back. It almost hurt to watch him, but I did it anyway because I couldn't bring myself to look away. “It's not as comfortable sleeping on the ground as I'd have thought,” he added with a hint of sarcasm.

“I just can't stop thinking,” I replied, leaving out the about you part, because Jonny wouldn't have wanted to hear that. “I guess that's always my problem, huh?”

I laughed a little, and Jonny laid back down. He was still on his side, facing me, and for a while I just listened to him breathe until he said, “Is there anything you want to, like, I don't know, talk about or something?”

I would have told him that there were a thousand other things I'd like to do with him apart from talking, but again, it wasn't something he would have wanted to hear. I couldn't jeopardize our friendship just because I'd had a stupid crush on him since we were twelve. After all, there were only a few more months left before Jonny went off to university and I went off to... wherever. Then maybe we'd never see each other again, and none of my feelings would matter anyway.

“No,” I sighed, as I had done a million times before. It was obvious that I was lying, obvious that Jonny knew I was lying, but he never pestered me further about it.

The wind blew across some of the tree branches above, and for a minute or so a beam of moonlight fell upon us. Jonny's eyes sparkled magnificently, and it was a good thing I was laying down because I could feel my knees going weak. How was it possible that even after all of these years, all Jonny had to do was live- breathe every now and then, involuntarily pump blood through his veins- and it completely took my breath away.

I was certain that those sparkling eyes of his could see my face now, too, and so I tried to hide any expression as best as I could. Jonny didn't try to hide at all, though, and his eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at me, his eyelids closing just a little.

His lips parted and he took in some air like he was going to say something, but no words came out in the moments after. Then the strange tingling sensation I had gotten so used to burned through my body, and maybe if I had been able to take in enough oxygen to even stir, I would have made a move.

It was quiet for a long time, not including the sounds of nature around us, and I realized about five minutes later that somehow Jonny and I were closer than we had been. It wasn't just me, though, because he seemed to have also moved. Could it have been that we were both just slowly leaning towards each other without even realizing it? Did Jonny realize it? Maybe he had done it on purpose...

It seemed as though as soon as I noticed this, we were inching closer and closer much more quickly, and I found my breathing extremely labored as it occurred to me that Jonny was mere centimeters away from me, his nose almost brushing against mine, his lips not far behind.

Then, without saying anything, Jonny took his hand and cupped my jaw, brought our lips together. It was a quick kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless, and my heart was frantically beating in my chest, trying to bust out of its cage. Knowing that Jonny didn't seem to mind anymore, I couldn't control myself, and I grabbed his waist and kissed him for real, open mouth and everything. Our bodies pressed together, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, too.

“I think we've needed to do that for a long time,” Jonny quietly said a few minutes later. I kissed his shoulder and rested my head on his chest as he laid on his back, and we were both still trying to catch our breath. I closed my eyes for a bit, but almost immediately I felt Jonny hand shaking my arm a bit. “Chris... Chris...”

Then suddenly everything was bright, and Jonny's heartbreaking green eyes were leaning over me with a great deal of concern. “Are you OK?” he asked, and I had to take quite some time to think about it, considering that I had no idea what was going on.

“I...um...”

“You were sleeping,” he explained, sitting back to give me some space, though I would have loved it if he had stayed right where he was. “And you were breathing really heavy, and I just wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong.” He voice quivered and he sounded almost frightened. I sat up and ran a hand through my tangled hair.

“No, I'm fine. I just had a... really... weird dream.” Jonny's eyes scanned over my body like he didn't believe me, and it felt a little invasive and at the same time exhilarating, but maybe that was because I imagined his hands and not his eyes. Then I felt really angry with myself for thinking that.

You just can't think those sort of things about Jonny. He's such a kind and gentle and innocent soul, and I would never want to ruin that with my warped fantasies. Part of me thinks that I should tell him how I feel, just because he deserves to know, but the other part of me thinks it wouldn't be fair. Besides, there's no way that he feels the same, so would there even be a point in telling him?

And of course, this would be the spot where Jonny decides to change everything.

“Chris...” he tentatively began, curling up and biting his lip adorably. “There's something that I've been thinking about for the past few days. I've been thinking about it a lot, actually. Remember how I was telling you about that girl I want to ask to prom?”

I bit back my disgust at remembering the girl, the pretty girl with the pretty black hair and the pretty brown eyes and that pretty smile. I nodded and told him that yes, I do remember her. Then he shifted so he was sitting cross-legged and leaning forwards.

“Well... would you go with me instead?” He looked at me expectantly, but I couldn't answer; I couldn't do anything but stare blankly and dumbly, my eyes wide and my jaw dropped. Jonny noticed that I was acting very strange, but he must not have thought that it was anywhere near a good reaction, so he decided to explain. “It's just that a lot of people make prom out to be a huge deal, right? And you're my best friend, and I figured that if it is the most important night of my teenage life, then I'd much rather spend it with my best friend than with some girl I barely know and may never even interact with again. You know?”

I wanted to answer, I really did, but I still couldn't do anything. I think something in my brain must have burst when he first asked, because I felt totally dead right then. I could see in Jonny's eyes that he was growing impatient and very anxious, and I really wanted to be able to say something.

“Like, we'll go as friends, you know, I mean... it's not gonna be weird or anything. I was just thinking that it would make a lot more sense...” Jonny sighed, turned his regretful eyes away, and at that moment something clicked for me, and I grabbed his arm. He looked back at me quickly, unsure of whether to be happy or scared, or both. I surprised myself by shaking my head.

“I can't go with you as just your friend,” I said, and now it was Jonny's turn to be shocked. For a few seconds he was dazed, but he shook himself back to the moment and cleared his throat.

“Well... OK. We could be each other's date, then... Like, real date. That's what you mean, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, breathily because I couldn't find the strength to use my full voice, and my hand slid down his arm to find his hand. His fingers clasped around mine and he let out a laugh, one of those giggly laughs that he was known for and that always made me smile.

“I should have asked you a long time ago, I'm sorry,” he sincerely said, the corners of his mouth still turned up impossibly far. I shook my head and moved so that I was sitting on his left.

“It's fine, but...” I told myself then not to do it, not to say what I was thinking, but did I listen? Of course not. Here we were, just Jonny and myself, sitting all alone in the middle of the woods and holding hands. There may never have been another perfect moment such as this. “You know, maybe we should...”

And that was when my vocal chords decided to stop working at the request of my brain, and I was stuck halfway through my proposal looking like a nervous, bumbling idiot. Jonny helped me out, taking his free hand and placing on the empty space of ground on my other side, and he leaned over so close that I could already start to hear his heartbeat.

I had to remember then that this was real, and not like the dream I'd just had at all. No, this was going to be a million times better. Every fiber of my being raged and urged me to just get it over with already, but I wasn't having any of that. I was going to move as slowly as possible and enjoy every single second, because- again- this was the perfect moment.

And that moment, the one I had been waiting for- no, longing for for five long years was nothing short of spectacular. Jonny's lips were even softer than I'd imagined them to be and really, there was no other way to describe any of it other than perfect. Just perfect.

Maybe I needed to find a thesaurus, but that definitely wasn't going to happen right then in the middle of nowhere. Instead, I stumbled upon the fabric of Jonny's shirt bunched around his torso as I let go of his hand and pulled him even closer until there was literally no space between our bodies. Anywhere.

I could hear Jonny moan against my lips as I laid back and brought him with me, the clothing between us creating far too much friction and making everything so hot. I slid my hands under his shirt, my fingers gliding across the smooth skin stretched over his ribcage. Before long I felt a pair of hands grabbing at the hem of my own shirt, but they didn't stay there, and only seconds later my jeans were no longer buttoned. I should have been feeling really self-conscious at that moment, but I wasn't. I felt totally comfortable.

Jonny broke away momentarily and paused, waiting to see that I was all right with him continuing. All I had to do to assure him was just look straight into his eyes, and he leaned back down. His hands went back to work, and a very short time later I was stripped down to just my boxers. I did start to feel a tad embarrassed at that time, but then I knew that now it was my turn, and so I undressed Jonny as he had done to me, except somehow even quicker. Or maybe it only seemed quicker to me.

And there we were, laying together on a tattered sleeping bag with nothing but two thin pieces of cloth separating us. His hand was on my waist, my hand on his cheek, and I could hear nothing but the sound of our breathing. It was kinda cool, because we were breathing in sync, and maybe our hearts beat together as well.

Despite how heated things had become, we didn't go any farther than that. It seemed like things just completely slowed down then, and we realized that there was still plenty of time left in the world. It was nice, though, because there was still no space between our bodies, but there was also no pressure to move the right way or say the right things. We were just there, together, and the rest of the world didn't exist.

And to think I'd only dreamed of kissing him.

Boston

At four years old, he was already the most impressive kid on the block. Not only did he have a Spiderman bicycle, he was riding with two wheels. All the other kids only dreamed of taking off their training wheels, but Jonny was the only one who had done so successfully.

No one dared to talk to him. He liked it that way. They were all just so awed by him and even a little intimidated, though there was no reason to be. He was the friendliest kid in the world. But he didn't mind not having friends.

He rode his bicycle around in circles on the long road. His helmet, knee and elbow pads matched his bike, all sporting the red and blue superhero. Whenever he decided that the helmet strap was starting to get itchy against his chin, Jonny would stop riding and go back inside.

At five years old, he learned to swim. The other kids envied him more. Some started interacting with him. But they would simply invite him to pool parties so they could watch him swim. To them, he was like some sort of god.

He lost his first tooth when he was six. In lunch, kids would coerce him into showing them how he could stick a straw in the gap and drink his milk through it. They were all thoroughly impressed, no matter how many times they watched him do it. In fact, it seemed to become even more astonishing with each time.

He stopped doing impressive things once he was thirteen. But by then he'd built up such a reputation that the kids in his class started rumors about his latest debacles. At fourteen he was no longer a virgin, and whoever that lucky girl was was so going to die. Like, seriously, what a lucky whore she was. At fifteen he was scoring drugs from the top dealers in the area. Not even the typical druggies could get stuff like he could.

The rumors settled when he was sixteen, but that was only because he had actually done something. Not only did he have his license, he had his own motorcycle.

One day Chris and Guy were standing outside of the school, waiting for the bell to ring. An engine revved nearby, and they both looked up to see Jonny skidding to a halt in his parking space.

“Damn, I wish I could do that,” Guy said. He scratched his neck absentmindedly. “And that's a hell of a bike...Chris?”

Guy looked over at Chris. Chris, who had not been listening to a word Guy was saying, but was staring at Jonny with his head tilted and a tiny smile on his face, replied, “Hm?”

“Oh my God, you totally like that kid!!” Guy's outburst broke Chris's concentration, and he snapped his head in Guy's direction.

“What? No I don't!” Chris laughed as if the idea was preposterous, but in reality Guy had hit the nail on the head.

He didn't even really know this boy, but something about him was just utterly captivating. And if he even so much as glanced in Chris's general direction, Chris would blush and his heart would race.

Right then Chris thought his fantasies were finally coming true; Jonny was walking up to the school, but it seemed that he was headed for right where Chris and Guy were standing. Chris tried to hide his excitement at the thought of Jonny coming over and talking to him.

Luckily he didn't have to worry for much longer, because Jonny was indeed walking towards them. And then he continued walking as he passed them by, not even slowing down. Chris sighed, but he knew his day would come eventually.

In the meantime, Chris stuck to daydreaming in his classes, doodling little hearts with J's in them all over his homework and notes. Of course, then he realized that anyone- especially Guy- would be able to see them and find out about his crush, so he colored in the hearts to hide it.

Then a week later Chris and Guy were walking home, and they were about halfway between Chris's house and the school. Suddenly, someone pulled up along the side of the road on a motorcycle. Chris knew immediately who it was, and he decided that this was his chance and he was not going to let it slip by.

Guy was in the middle of telling Chris about the date he'd been on the night before, but as soon as Jonny came into the scene Chris stopped caring. One second Chris was listening, Guy looked down at the sidewalk, then the next thing he knew Chris was running off into the road.

“Chris, what are you doing?” he shouted, but there was no response.

Chris stood next to the motorcycle, waiting for Jonny to see him. Jonny removed his helmet, turned, and noticed Chris. Then he just stared with his amazingly green eyes.

“Hi,” Chris began, “I'm Chris.” He thought about holding out his hand for Jonny to shake, but then realized that if Jonny did touch his hand he would probably burst into an abundance of pieces.

“I'm Jonny,” Jonny replied, and he nearly killed Chris with his voice. That soft, beautiful voice that was basically like a million fluffy clouds in sonic form. Chris smiled at him.

“Chris, man, come on!” Guy called from somewhere in the background. Chris quickly looked back at him, then at Jonny again.

“I'll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Jonny said, unsure of how else to respond. Chris smiled again, then left, returning to Guy with a grin that stretched across his entire face.

“Ugh, dude, you're so gay,” Guy told him.

“I'm not gay,” Chris said defensively, smirking, “I just think he's... interesting.”

“You're gay for him,” Guy corrected himself. Chris opened his mouth to argue, but the words wouldn't leave his mouth and he ended up sighing.

“You're right,” he quietly replied. Then Chris looked back over his shoulder and hopelessly watched as Jonny walked into his house.

-

It was with a great deal of caution that Jonny opened the door; he hadn't been expecting anyone. He never expected anyone.

The boy he'd met earlier with the big, blue eyes and the curly brownish hair was standing before him, beaming. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Um, I talked to you before...” He waved his hand backwards, gesturing to the general area that contained Jonny's motorcycle.

“Yeah,” Jonny nodded, “I remember. Chris.”

“Oh, sorry.” Chris bowed his head, trying to hide his red cheeks. “Well, my friend- Guy- and I are planning on going to the mall in, like, half an hour. I was wondering if you'd want to come with us?”

Jonny almost shook his head just to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating or anything. Here was this kid, who he'd only met maybe an hour before, if that, and now he was being invited places? It almost felt like it should be some sort of dream.

But Jonny agreed, because he liked the idea of having friends. He was fine without them, but he could probably use the experience.

Chris called Guy as he and Jonny were standing on the curb by Jonny's house, and he told Guy to have his mother pick them up there.

“Why?” Guy inquired in a most whiny tone.

“Because I invited him. Just pick us up, OK??” Chris shut his phone off, then turned to Jonny, who was watching him with a skeptical look. Chris sighed, thinking that maybe Jonny was already regretting tagging along. “I'm sorry. I guess Guy's just not big on expanding our group. Of two people. But he can deal with it.”

Jonny laughed a little, and Chris smiled back at him. “Thanks,” Jonny said.

A few minutes went by without either of them saying another word, but Chris eventually grew tired of the silence. “So, tell me, Jonny... how long have you had your bike?”

Jonny nearly frowned, but replied, “I've had it for five or six months.”

“Oh, I just wanted to know more about you,” Chris said, apologetically, as he noticed that Jonny didn't seem to like his question. “We don't have to talk about your bike, we can talk about something else. What do you... like?”

Chris could have smacked himself for saying that, but he didn't. Jonny was about to answer when a car pulled up and Guy shouted out the window at them.

“Get in, tossers!”

“Guy!” his mother yelled at him.

“What?” he yelled back. Chris rolled his eyes at Jonny and opened the back door of the car. Jonny went to walk around the car, but he quickly realized by Chris's stance that Chris was holding the door for him.

He smiled and burned Chris's retinas with the brightness, and may have melted Chris's insides as well. Moments later Chris entered the car through the other door and then they were off, headed for the mall.

It seemed like all Chris did was blink and it was already the next day, but he was glad for that. He actually enjoyed going to school, if not only because it was where he could see Jonny. And now that he and Jonny were somewhat friends, well, school had amplified its coolness by about a billion times.

There were a lot of people in the room. But it was a cafeteria, so that wasn't really surprising. Chris would have scanned the crowd for that familiar, handsome face, if he hadn't already known exactly where Jonny was sitting.

Guy tailed behind him, rolling his eyes but not bothering to sit anywhere except with Chris. Jonny didn't look up once, not even after Chris and Guy sat down beside him. He kept his head down, staring at his food. He might not have even noticed they were there.

“Hi, Jonny!” Chris chirped. Jonny lifted his head, the surprise clearly showing on his face.

“Um... hi.” His eyes darted between Chris and Guy, and it seemed like he wanted to say more but couldn't, or he just didn't know what to say.

“You don't mind me sitting here, do you?” Chris asked him. Jonny shook his head. “Good. So, um, how are you?”

Jonny shrugged. “'M all right.” The silence that followed was painfully awkward for Jonny- he was never really good with social situations- but Chris just used the time to stare.

“I'm going up to get food now,” Chris announced, his eyes still stuck on Jonny. “Do you want to come with me?”

“Yeah, I'm starved,” Guy loudly said.

“Sure,” Jonny answered. Chris, smiling as he moved, stood up along with Jonny and they both began to walk to where the lunch lines were. Guy, as he had stated, was very hungry, but he stayed behind for several reasons: he thought there should be at least one person at the table watching their stuff and making sure no one stole any of their chairs; the girl he went on a date with two nights previous was sitting at the next table, though she seemed to be ignoring him; and he didn't really want to be around Chris and Jonny for much longer than he had to, especially now that Chris was being so flirty.

“Can I ask you something?” Chris said to Jonny as they stopped at the back of a rather long line of people.

“Isn't that all you've done since you started talking to me?” Jonny replied, not necessarily bitterly, but certainly with a great deal of sarcasm.

“Good point,” Chris laughed. “I suppose I won't bother you with any more questions, then.”

“No, go ahead. I don't mind.”

“All right. Well, I was just wondering-” Chris cut himself off, as he could feel his cheeks slowly burning. He looked away from Jonny, hoping that maybe not seeing him while he asked the question would make him feel less embarrassed. “Have you ever had a girlfriend before?”

“No,” Jonny quietly replied. Chris looked back at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

“Neither have I. Guy says I should try it some time,” he brightly added, then shook his head. “I don't think anyone would actually be interested in me.”

“I feel the same way... a-about myself,” Jonny said. For some reason, Jonny's words gave Chris some sort of inexplicable hope, like if Jonny felt that way, but it was clearly not true, then maybe it would be the same for Chris.

-

As the year passed, Chris found out more and more about Jonny, though it was hard to know much about the elusive boy. He was always very quiet, even when he was having a one-on-one conversation with someone. Most of the time he'd just nod or laugh.

Soon they were hanging out almost everyday, and spending far more time together than Chris and Guy were. But now Guy had found a new girl to chase after, one who didn't ignore him all the time, and so he was more preoccupied with her anyway.

The winter months forced them indoors, confined to the small perimeters of drywall and fiberboard. On the thick carpet that covered Jonny's living room floor, he and Chris sat, staring mindlessly into space.

“It was nice of your mum to make those,” Chris said, pointing to a now-empty tray, but one that had been recently filled with a mountain of chocolate chip cookies.

“She knows you like them,” Jonny softly replied. “Or, I told her you like them and that she should make them for you.”

“Aw, how nice of you!” Chris smiled, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. He stared at Jonny for as long as he felt he could without being caught.

How was it possible for there to exist a person such as Jonny, a boy so sweet, so entrancing, that Chris actually forgot at times about girls? They once meant something to him, but now Jonny was all that mattered.

Jonny started fidgeting a little, his mouth twisting, then suddenly he turned to Chris and Chris's heard started pounding in his chest. For a second he thought the look in Jonny's eyes was one of suspicion, and that he would soon ask what the hell Chris was doing staring at him like that, but luckily that wasn't the case.

“Are you bored?” Jonny asked, and Chris realized it was concern that he saw, but his heart didn't do much slowing down.

“No,” Chris immediately and simply said, “of course not.”

“Well, I was just thinking there's more to do in my room.” Jonny shrugged, and Chris wasn't sure if he was suggesting something more than what he said. But he told himself not to expect anything either way, not necessarily so he wouldn't embarrass himself- though that was rather important- but mostly so that he couldn't be let down.

“Oh, sure.” The answer to Jonny's technically unasked question seemed to please him; he smiled at Chris and stood up, then began to bring him down a hallway which Chris supposed led to Jonny's bedroom.

It was smaller but a bit warmer than the living room had been. Jonny sat down on the edge of his bed, but Chris took a few minutes to stand and look around. Every wall was almost entirely covered in posters, magazine clippings, and drawings. Chris recognized some of the subjects, but not others.

“Who's that?” he asked of a picture taped to the wall featuring a gray-haired Australian man.

Jonny only had to quickly glance up at the poster to identify it. “Uh, that's Baz Luhrmann. He's a filmmaker,” Jonny explained. “I think he's really... cool.”

“Filmmaker,” Chris quietly repeated. “Is he, like, a director?”

“He has directed before.”

“Like what?” Chris finally took the liberty to sit down with Jonny, observing him with wide, questioning eyes. As weird as it might have sounded, he felt like this conversation was actually going somewhere.

Jonny paused for a moment, thinking, then began to list a few. “Moulin Rouge, Romeo + Juliet... he's working on a version of The Great Gatsby.”

Chris twisted his mouth in a quirky sort of frown, and said, “I never read that book.”

“I have. It was all right. But Baz Luhrmann's an awesome director, I think the movie will be great.” Jonny looked up at Chris, and Chris smiled because he could see in Jonny's eyes a light, an excitement that he'd never seen there before.

Chris figured that he would be lost if they kept to the same subject, but he loved seeing Jonny so passionate. He asked, “And who are all those other people? You know, on your walls.”

Jonny took a deep breath, then walked over to the wall across the room and began to name the men and women. Chris stood behind him and watched over his shoulder. He listened intently even though he knew nothing about what Jonny was saying, because he liked the sound of Jonny's voice. A few of the names he actually recognized, and soon he noticed a pattern.

“They're all film people, aren't they?” Chris asked when Jonny had taken a pause. Jonny nodded. “that's pretty cool.”

“I want to be a filmmaker,” Jonny mentioned nonchalantly. Chris observed Jonny, nothing that his tone had changed back, lackluster and detached.

“You don't like people asking questions about you, do you? Or talking to about you... why is that?”

“I'm not as interesting as people think I am,” Jonny replied. “A lot of what they say is just made up.”

“Like what?” Chris inquired as kindly as possible.

“The drugs,” Jonny said. “I have no idea where that came from. And the... sleeping with a bunch of girls...”

“I figured,” Chris said with a small laugh. “But you are an interesting person.”

“I highly doubt that.” Jonny seemed to have grown tired of showing off his walls, and he sat down on his bed again.

“Well,” Chris began, walking over to Jonny, “I think you have to be interesting if you're going to be a filmmaker. You don't want to bore people with your movies.” Chris tilted his head to the side. “Have you made movies before?”

“Yeah.” Jonny stared at his hands, twiddling his thumbs.

“Can I see them?” Chris sat down beside Jonny, hoping that Jonny would open up to him at least a little more. Jonny looked at Chris with a sort of fear in his eyes, like he was afraid of being judged, and Chris smiled at him to tell him he had nothing to worry about.

Without saying anything, Jonny walked across the room and came back carrying a sleek black laptop. A few minutes later, after the computer had booted up, he clicked a bunch of buttons and a video popped up.

To get a better view, Chris leaned in closer to Jonny. His arm brushed up against Jonny's, his nose tickled by the scent that Jonny produced. But he kept his focus on the video, because as nice as it was to stare endlessly, he much preferred actually talking with Jonny, and certainly he wouldn't mind giving Jonny an infinite amount of compliments. That boy needed to recognize just how awesome he was.

-

By the time summer came, Chris had decided that he was in love with Jonny. And why shouldn't he be? Jonny was the sweetest, kindest, funniest person Chris knew. He and Guy had been best friends since they were two, but he would have traded all that for one day with Jonny.

Besides, he and Guy weren't speaking much anymore. It seemed that though their friendship had lasted for well over fifteen years, it couldn't exactly weather their sudden explorations in the field of romance. Guy had grown tired of hearing Chris swoon over Jonny, seeing Jonny's total obliviousness- though Guy was willing to admit that maybe he noticed it more simply because he knew about it- and he still had a girlfriend of his own he needed to pay attention to.

Soon it was no longer the three of them sitting at one table in lunch, it was just Jonny and Chris. Chris didn't mind so much, and truthfully neither did Jonny. He didn't mind Guy, but to Jonny it was the less, the better. But he did like having Chris around.

Chris was like the only person Jonny felt he could talk to and not have to be constantly worried about what Chris thought of him. For some reason he was rather confident that Chris would be friends with him no matter what. Perhaps it was because Chris was the only person who could really say they knew Jonny, or perhaps it was because of something a little deeper.

School let out on the fifteenth of June. To celebrate, Chris ran to the park by the school, dragging Jonny along with him, though Jonny was certainly more than willing to go. They sat on the swings- Chris's idea- and Jonny let his feet drag across the sand underneath while Chris was busy propelling himself high into the air.

“Come on, Jonny, live a little!” Chris exclaimed. As he swung forward and down, he made sure to tap Jonny's arm before he went back in the air. Jonny looked up at him, but did not move otherwise.

“Hmm... I'm good,” he said in his usual drone, returning his gaze to his feet. Chris laughed at him, his nose crinkling as it seemed to have started doing since he had decided he was in love. Any time he laughed, any time he smiled, at Jonny, his nose would crinkle. It was more subconscious than anything else, but it was guaranteed to happen.

Chris stopped swinging after a while, bored, and he hopped up from the seat, expecting Jonny to follow him. He walked until his feet came in contact with the merry-go-round, then he turned around to see if his assumption had been correct. Sure enough, there was Jonny, though he was slowly making his way over.

“Please don't push this thing too fast,” Jonny requested. “I'm not fond of vomiting.”

“Nor am I, dear Jonny, nor am I.” Chris turned again, slipping under then over the bars to reach the middle, where he sat on the flat surface on top of the center pole. Jonny stood near the edge, watching Chris.

Chris stared back, smiling, and began to kick his legs pointlessly. Jonny was not smiling; his eyes were narrowed, and it seemed as though he was suspicious.

“You're not gonna make me push it, are you?” he asked, dreading the answer just a bit.

Chris shook his head fervently and merely replied, “No.” After a few moments of silence, Jonny sighed and crawled under the bar as Chris had done, but with much less vigor.

“I have to tell you something,” Jonny mumbled. Chris's eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened a little.

“Tell me.”

Jonny lifted his brilliantly green eyes to meet Chris's, then waited a few seconds. “I'm going away this summer.”

Chris's hope had been easily destroyed, and he tried not to frown. “How long?”

“A month. Next month... I'm going to Boston, because there's this college out there that I want to visit, and there are some program things going on, so I'm gonna stay and I'll be gone for a month.” Jonny, who had been speaking extraordinarily fast compared to his usual pace, stopped and waited for Chris to respond. He was waiting for a while.

“Oh.” Chris looked down at his feet, thinking, then jumped off the seat and stood very close to Jonny. “Cool. I hope you have fun.”

For another minute both boys stood still, staring directly at one another and not doing much aside from breathing. Then suddenly the merry-go-round was moving, and fast. Jonny was lunged forward, and he nearly hit Chris.

“Sorry,” he quickly said, and Chris told him it was all right, though he thought he might have just had a heart attack. They looked around and found Guy running away in the background.

“Gaaayyyy!” he shouted at them, but it wasn't entirely coherent. Chris understood what he was saying, and he felt his cheeks start to flush.

“What did he say?” Jonny asked.

Chris waved his hand carelessly and said, “Oh, who even knows? That Guy is a loon.” Jonny seemed satisfied with the reply, so Chris sighed with relief and nervously looked around. “Uh... I think I'm gonna go home now.”

“All right,” Jonny said in what seemed like a calm voice, but Chris detected a hint of disappointment. And there was no way he could let Jonny be disappointed.

“Wanna come with me?” Chris offered, and Jonny smiled kindly at him.

“Sure.”

Chris had planned on returning home and moping in his room, but as he and Jonny began to walk he realized that this was a good thing and that he should be spending as much time with Jonny as possible before he left for a month. An entire month. Chris wanted to stop breathing every time he thought about it.

When they passed Jonny's house, Jonny suddenly stopped. Chris stood beside him, waiting to find out what was going on.

“Wait here.” As if Chris needed to be told to wait for Jonny.

Minutes later Jonny returned carrying what appeared to be two motorcycle helmets. He handed one to Chris, then started walking towards his bike. Chris put on the helmet and followed Jonny without really thinking; by the time he realized he would have to hold on to Jonny and froze completely, he was already sitting on the back of the bike, and seeing that Chris wasn't going to do it himself, Jonny grabbed Chris's arms and put them around his stomach.

-

Chris's POV

On the back of Jonny's motorcycle, I was, like, freaking. I know it wasn't just the heat and the fact that it was summer that was making me sweat. That didn't explain my racing heart. It felt like a thousand drummers were pounding against my chest as fast as they could.

And it was a little scary. I'd never been on a motorcycle before. Those things go very fast at times, and I'm sure it wouldn't be so hard to take a turn wrong and just fly off onto the pavement. So I held onto Jonny even tighter, and that made it worse. But it was so nice.

It only took a few minutes to reach my house, but as we were coming up on it, Jonny looked back- which frightened me half to death, but that's another story- and yelled something which I couldn't hear. So I asked him to repeat what he said.

“WOULD YOU MIND IF WE KEPT GOING?” he shouted a second time. “OR DO YOU WANT TO STOP?”

“We can keep going!” I screamed back without even thinking of what I was saying. I thought I saw a smile on Jonny's face as he turned to the road again, and my anxiety dissipated for the moment. Until, of course, the bike lurched a bit and then suddenly we were going so much faster down the road.

I heard Jonny laugh as I shrieked a bit and squeezed him. I was afraid I'd break his ribs or something, though of course that was a ridiculous fear. But, really, I was glad to be spending the extra time that close to him.

Several times the thought danced across my mind that I was, basically, holding Jonny. Sure, I was holding onto him, but it's close enough. I had the strong urge to rest my head against his back or shoulder, but I resisted. The feel of his flesh and muscles- and t-shirt, if you want to get technical- under my own was exhilarating enough. More so, I daresay, than just being on that motorcycle.

Guy would have mocked me if he was there. I can't help the way I feel.

Speaking of Guy, we went past his house at one point and I think I might have seen him. Maybe he saw me, too. He was probably laughing as we went by.

Since we were riding so fast, time seemed to fly by extraordinarily quick. There I was, having a million panic attacks while holding onto Jonny, and then the next thing I knew the bike was stopped and we were outside of my house. The air had stopped moving so much around me, but it didn't really register until Jonny's voice suddenly filled my ears.

“Chris,” he said, pressingly, and I assumed that he had been trying to get my attention for a bit. I was too busy staring bug-eyed at the ground to notice, though.

“Huh?- Oh.” I shook my head and slowly, sadly, removed my arms. “Sorry, I guess I spaced out.”

I hopped off the bike and waited for Jonny to join me on the sidewalk. He was smiling, which made me happy and paranoid at the same time. Why was he smiling? Was he smiling because of me? If so- and believe me, it seemed very plausible- was it good or bad? If it was bad, then I probably could have cried right then and there. But he did look so pretty smiling.

“Wipe that smirk off, Buckland,” I told him, trying to not sound too flirtatious or anything. I think I did pretty well with that.

“It's not a smirk,” he said, “it's a grin. There's a difference, Martin.”

Oh, he thought he was being so clever. What a lovely wiseass.

“Then wipe that grin off.” And to retort, he just grinned wider. I suppose reverse psychology is not so bad. I sighed, obviously fake, and said, “Fine. What do you want to do?”

“What?”

“What do you want to do?” I repeated. “I mean, you're my guest now, so you get to pick.”

Jonny did a one-shouldered shrug, which was adorable. “I don't know. Whatever.”

It was a bad idea to say that. But I merely spun around and traveled through the fence into my backyard. As I laid down in the middle on a lavish patch of grass, I heard Jonny's footsteps and the closing of the gate. A few moments later there was a shoe directly blocking my field of view.

“Oh, whoops, my bad,” Jonny said in his strange affected tone. Then he removed his foot and gazed down at me. “I didn't break your nose or anything, did I?”

“I don't know, it feels kinda... off.”

“Hmm, then maybe you should get it looked at.” Jonny squatted down, then leaned over until he was only a few inches from my face. His eyes roamed my face for a bit, and I tried to give my best blank expression. Then he sat back, and I started to breath again.

“Looks fine to me,” he said, and he laid down beside me.

We stared at the sky for a while. Sometimes I pointed out fancy-looking clouds, and sometimes Jonny would acknowledge it and say that they were cool. Then other times we were quiet, but it was still nice. Laying in the grass is always peaceful to me.

You know that feeling? The one that burns your insides and leaves you feeling like you're made of a billion sharp needles. It's almost agony, but you like it.

I looked over at Jonny. The fire in his eyes was lighting them with wonder. Maybe he was thinking about how big the world is, and how small we are compared to everything else, how insignificant every tiny particle in our bodies seems when compared to the larger picture.

I was thinking of how much I love him.

-

Jonny was very unaware of it, but Chris had made his own calendar counting down the days until Jonny left. Each night he would cross another box off, and each night he would sigh and wish that he could be adding boxes rather than taking them away. Then he hid the calendar in his dresser where he thought no one would find it.

Whenever he saw Jonny, he made a conscious decision to make the most of their time together. Chris wanted to have a million great memories to hold onto in the next lonely weeks. At moments where neither of them were speaking, he would just sit and memorize every inch of Jonny's face, every hint of Jonny's scent. When Jonny spoke to him he listened and absorbed as much as possible. That voice was like a chorus of angels.

Then, before either of them knew it, the end of the month came and it was time for Jonny to leave. The night before he was set to fly out to Boston, he and Chris laid in the grass in Chris's backyard, staring into the darkening sky in silence.

“There are a lot of stars out tonight,” Jonny said. He clasped his hands, resting them on his stomach. “Looks pretty.”

“Stars are nice,” Chris mumbled. He turned his head to look at Jonny; in the quickly fading light Jonny seemed to glow divinely. The green in his eyes was bright and the orange sunlight made the tips of his hair look golden. Chris felt even worse than he had the rest of the night.

He tried to push out all thoughts reminding him that Jonny would soon be gone, but they overwhelmed him. He wanted to cling to Jonny and either make him stay or sneak onto the airplane with him. It didn't matter that Jonny would come back. To Chris, a month was like an eternity.

“What time do you have to be home?” Chris asked.

“Soon,” Jonny replied. “I have to get to bed early, my plane leaves at, like, three in the morning.”

Chris looked back to the sky, the sounds of nature around them resuming and filling their quietness. He could hear Jonny breathing beside him, too, and even that sounded magnificent. Though they weren't touching, Chris was very aware of the presence of Jonny's hand so close to his. It was purely harmless, but he couldn't help thinking that he would like for it to be more.

For every second of the next ten minutes that passed, Chris hoped that time would slow down or stop completely, but it seemed to actually speed up. He blinked, and suddenly they were on the sidewalk in front of Chris's house.

The moon was out, shining its luminescence down on them both. Jonny thought Chris looked a little pale, but then again Chris was always rather pasty. Surely the brightness of the moonlight wouldn't make him look any tanner.

“See you in a month, I guess,” Jonny quietly said. Chris nodded solemnly and Jonny slowly turned, beginning to walk towards his motorcycle.

But a hand on his shoulder stopped him as Chris yelled, “Jonny, wait!” Jonny spun around and Chris retracted his hand. For a few seconds they stared at each other, wordlessly, then Chris took a step forward.

His hands cupped Jonny's jaw as he kissed the other boy as passionately as he could. Jonny responded much more positively than Chris expected, sliding his hands to Chris's sides and pulling him closer.

Then Chris was back where he stood before, the darkness hiding the frown caused by the torment of his fantasies. He could no longer handle staring into Jonny's eyes, so he stared at the ground.

“Have a good trip,” he mumbled. Despite his previous desires, he now just wanted Jonny to leave and get the month over with. But Jonny had a slightly different plan.

He stood, trying to catch Chris's eyes. He even leaned forward a little, but nothing seemed to work. When he realized his failure, he said with a bit of a sigh, “I'm gonna miss you, Chris.” Chris finally looked up, his vision beginning to blur.

“I'm gonna miss you, too.” Jonny looked at him sadly for one moment, then the next his arms were around Chris, his chin on Chris's shoulder. Chris hugged him back, tentatively at first, but then he realized he should try to hold on for as long as he could.

A minute later the sound of sniffling was by Jonny's ear. Jonny raised his eyebrows, both helpless and confused.

“Are- are you crying?” Jonny awkwardly asked, unconsciously tightening his arms. Chris didn't answer right away, because he wasn't entirely sure if he should tell the truth. Jonny would probably know either way; it's not like he could really hide.

“Maybe,” he mumbled in reply as a few of his tears splashed onto Jonny's t-shirt.

“Why?”

The concern in Jonny's voice stabbed at Chris's heart and left a rather deep puncture. Chris pulled back and tried to dry his eyes on his sleeve. “I don't know,” he lied, hiccuping a little. He folded his arms across his chest- perhaps to cover his new wound- and stared off into space. “Just... go home now. Get some rest.”

Jonny looked a little skeptical, but he let his worried expression fade as he said, “Don't cry while I'm gone. I want to see every tear you shed.” Chris, though he kept his lips pressed together, smiled, and Jonny grinned back at him. “Bye.”

“Bye...” Chris let his arms fall to his side as he watched Jonny sit on the motorcycle and strap on his helmet. Then suddenly his mind seemed to pick up some sort of hidden context, a tone that he hadn't noticed before when Jonny had been actually speaking. And Chris momentarily felt like he had all the hope in the world, until he looked up. Then he saw Jonny driving away down the road and it was far too late.

-

“Are you stupid??” Guy screamed. Chris, who had just gotten through informing Guy of what he had missed in Chris's life over the previous months, stared at him in disbelief.

“Excuse me?” Guy leaned over the table that sat in between them, and he waited a few moments.

“I said, are you stupid?” Guy repeated, slower and louder for Chris to better understand. Chris didn't change his expression at all.

“Why am I stupid?” he asked. Guy rolled his eyes at Chris, then sat back in his seat. He pompously folded his arms and sighed.

“You've been friends with that kid for how long? And you still haven't told him you like him.” Guy shook his head as he finished his sentence. Chris held out his hands as if to ask Guy what he was supposed to do. He didn't say anything, and so Guy took the liberty to continue. “Well, why haven't you told him?”

Chris looked at Guy like he had six heads. He may as well have. “Guy, I can't just tell him-”

“Why not?” Guy asked, raising his voice a little, but not in anger, just to get his point across.

“Because, Guy,” Chris began, his voice growing softer and his eyes growing larger, “what if he hates me?”

“He does not and will not hate you. Have you seen the way he looks at you?” Guy leaned forward a little, pointing his finger into his chest as he said, “Hell, I don't even spend that much time around you two and I've seen the way he looks at you.”

Chris looked uncertain of what to think. On the one hand he wanted to- and almost actually did- believe what Guy was saying, but on the other hand he didn't want to get his hopes up only to be disappointed later.

“Are you... saying that he likes me?”

“At the very least,” Guy replied. “So, you should tell him. Or, hey, I'll do it for you if you're really that scared.”

Chris stared down at the table, tracing with his eyes the strange pattern it displayed. “Jonny doesn't even come back for another two days.”

Guy watched Chris for a while, then finally said, “Then you've got two days to prepare.”

For the rest of the time Chris spent with Guy, all he could think about was what would happen if he did follow Guy's commands, if he did tell Jonny, and what sort of consequences he would have to face as a result. Every second of every day he imagined what it would be like to have Jonny love him back, but he was intent on persuading himself that it would never be true. If he didn't get his hopes up, then he could never be disappointed. He could never be hurt.

He didn't realize he was already hurting by not telling Jonny.

That night Chris received quite the surprise when his mother handed him the phone, only to find that it was Jonny's mother calling him. She asked if, since he and Jonny were such great friends, he would like to accompany her to the airport the day after the next to pick Jonny up. Chris grinned, but realizing that it wasn't a sufficient answer when speaking on the phone, he vocalized his agreement as well.

The car ride to the airport was quiet, the air filled with a sort of awkward silence. The radio was on, but just barely, and the only station that would come in clear was a boring talk radio station.

Unbeknownst to Chris, Jonny's mother had a slight ulterior motive to inviting Chris along. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, then casually said, “So, Chris... do you plan on telling Jonny how you feel about him?”

Chris, completely taken aback, widened his eyes in near horror and looked over at her. “What? You... you know?”

“Everyone knows,” she bluntly replied. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Well, I-I mean, I thought about it,” Chris stammered. “Do you think I should?”

“Yes,” she said, “you should always tell the person you care about how much they mean to you. And make sure they know before it's too late.”

Chris slowly turned his gaze back to the road in front of them, torn between his options of telling Jonny or continuing to hide.

“I like him a lot...” he said. Jonny's mother nodded. “I've never felt this way about anyone else... I... I love him.”

It was strange for him to hear his own voice say the words, even though he had felt that way for a while, but it also seemed totally natural.

“I believe you,” Jonny's mother said. “And I think you should know my son feels the same.”

“He does? Did he tell you?” Chris was still apprehensive, but he spoke more quickly now and his tone was eager.

“No, Jonny would never tell anything like that to anyone.” She momentarily glanced at Chris, and with a wink said, “A mother just knows.”

Chris sank back in his seat a little. For the remaining duration of the trip he kept quiet, staring out the window in deep contemplation. It sounded simple: Tell Jonny he loves him, and go from there. It didn't seem so simple when he actually thought of how he would tell him. Should he just directly blurt it out, should he hint at it, or maybe he should break the news with something like a kiss? Any way he looked at it, the pain he would feel if rejected was totally unbearable.

His fantasies brought him to the middle of the terminal, standing around restlessly as he watched a crowd of people shuffle towards him. Except he really was in the terminal, and the people really were leaving the gate. Jonny's mother was standing a few feet behind him.

Chris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Soon the moment would be upon him, the moment he had decided would be best to tell Jonny. He went over in his head one final time the speech he was to give, carefully memorizing every single word and all of the emphases.

He opened his eyes and again breathed deeply. He thought it was a good idea to make sure that oxygen was still being brought into his system.

Then he saw Jonny walk through the door, and his mind blanked, his legs shaking violently.

-

Jonny looked around for a bit, and as soon as he saw Chris- the same moment that Chris started waving frantically to him- his face lit up and he speed walked over to Chris. He didn't even notice that his mother was there until he was almost right in front of Chris.

“Hey,” Jonny breathlessly said in excitement as he stopped. Chris stared at him; Jonny looked even more beautiful now than he could ever remember, and it was for this reason that he found himself speechless and merely threw his arms around Jonny.

For a while it seemed almost too good to be real, then Chris remembered what he was going to do. His enthusiasm waned a little as he pulled away from Jonny's hold.

Chris held his breath for a few moments, thinking back to when his mind was organized and he had anticipated this moment. But his memory failed him, and he decided to just do whatever he thought of first. And just like ripping off a bandage-

“Jonny, I love you,” he quickly said. There were a few seconds that passed, but they seemed like hours. Chris was worried that by the time Jonny responded with anything other than a blank expression, they would both be old men and possibly even on the brink of death. But luckily Jonny answered before that happened.

Jonny slowly held up one hand. “Say that again?” Chris felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he rolled his eyes around, too embarrassed to meet Jonny's eyes again.

“I don't think I can...” He lifted his hand and scratched at the back of his neck. Jonny looked up at his mother quickly, discomfort painted across his face.

“I love you, too,” he reluctantly mumbled into Chris's ear, trying to be as quiet as possible so his mother would not overhear. He wasn't successful, but she looked at the terminal around them obliviously to make him think he was.

Chris felt a pain in his chest, but it was a good pain; it was the sort of pain associated with extreme happiness, if there ever was a kind. Instead of his heart breaking he felt it burst in his chest, and the grin spread wide across his face like some sort of infection. He couldn't say anything, his voice lost somewhere in his vast happiness, so he just kept smiling and grabbed Jonny's hand.

“I'd kiss you if my mum wasn't here,” Jonny quietly said.

“It's OK,” Chris replied, beaming. “There'll be plenty of time for that later. How was your trip?”

“It was great...” Jonny shrugged a shoulder, “It doesn't compare to this, but it was great.”

“Do you have all your stuff?” Jonny's mother asked, reminding the boys of her presence.

“Uh, yeah.” Jonny repositioned the bag slung over his one shoulder, and he looked around him briefly for the suitcase he had let go of when Chris hugged him. It was standing to his left, and he went to grab the handle, but Chris picked it up for him. They stood still for a moment, Jonny staring at Chris and Chris smiling at Jonny, then Jonny's mother cleared her throat and they were brought back.

“Come on then,” she said, nodded her head, and walked towards the exit. Chris and Jonny walked behind her, keeping a bit of a distance.

The car was relatively close, and once the three reached it Jonny took his suitcase back from Chris to put it in the trunk. Chris sat in the back of the car, expecting Jonny to sit shotgun, but as he brought the seat belt strap around to buckle it he realized that Jonny was sitting next to him. He said nothing, but smiled and clicked the buckle, then readjusted the strap so that it laid comfortable against his chest. He watched as Jonny did the same, then when Jonny let his hand fall to his side Chris reached over and grabbed it, lacing their fingers together with relative ease. It was almost as if their hands had just been waiting for this moment.

“Mrs. Buckland?” Chris called just before Jonny's mother started the car.

“Yes, Chris?” she replied, checking the rear-view mirror. Chris quickly glanced down at his and Jonny's intertwined fingers, then he looked back up at the driver's seat.

“Thank you.” In the mirror's reflection he saw the corners of her mouth twitch upward, and she then proceeded to start the car.

The trip home seemed to take much less time than the trip to the airport, much to Chris's dismay. Before long the car was stopped outside of his house, and he was a bit sad as he realized that he would have to say goodbye, at least for now. Even though Jonny's mother was still right there, Chris leaned across the back seat to kiss Jonny before he left. It was only a quick peck on the cheek, because he knew that Jonny would be embarrassed, but even that was enough to turn Jonny's face bright red.

“See you later,” Chris sweetly said to him, then he exited the car and made his way up to his front porch. He turned around and watched as the car pulled away, then he decided that it was such a beautiful day and he was just going to stay outside. He sat down on the top step and gazed into the empty road. With nothing better to do, his thoughts began to wander.

He imagined the sound of a motorcycle drawing near, and though he was almost certain he was just hallucinating, his heart still beat faster. He pictured Jonny's bright green eyes staring at him with immense intensity and a small shiver ran down his spine. Then it dawned on him, and he finally realized that he had told Jonny he loved him. He had thought about doing it for so long that he couldn't believe it had all actually happened.

Chris was even more surprised to look up and find that he hadn't been imagining the sound of the motorcycle; Jonny was standing only a few feet away from him now, smiling and carrying his helmet in his arm.

-

For quite a while Chris and Jonny stayed inside Chris's house, sitting in the kitchen and speaking very quietly amongst themselves. Jonny was busy telling Chris all about his trip, Chris listening intently. Then eventually the conversation switched focus to their new relationship, and in the solitude of the kitchen the boys formulated a plan.

“Are you sure you're OK with this?” Chris asked in a hushed tone. He and Jonny were huddled together just outside of the living room, where Chris's parents were currently located. Jonny waited a few seconds before answering, but he soon began to nod.

“Yeah,” he said. Chris turned away from him so they were both facing the doorway to the living room. Jonny briefly reached out and reassuringly squeezed Chris's hand, but he let go before they walked into the room.

Chris stopped right in the middle of the room, Jonny right beside him, and to get his parents' attention he cleared his throat.

“Yes, sweetie?” Chris's mother asked as she looked up at the two boys. Chris stared into her eyes, telling himself not to be worried. Don't panic.

“I, um, have an announcement to make,” Chris said. She clasped her hands in her lap and waited expectantly, and Chris's father turned to them as well, though he didn't look as interested.

“Go on,” she said.

“Right. So, we all know and love Jonny, right?” Chris began, motioning to the boy beside him in case his parents were confused. Then he wrung his hands and tried to build his confidence. “Jonny's my boyfriend.”

His parents stared at him blankly; his father's jaw had even dropped.

“He... He's what?” his mother finally spoke. She shook her head and tried to look calm. Chris realized that their reaction to the news was not going to be as joyous as he had hoped, and so he looked down at his feet, frowning. Jonny watched Chris, feeling quite helpless, and he decided to step in.

“I love Chris,” he said, his voice strong until he remembered where he was and what he was doing. Chris looked up at him, surprised at first, but then he smiled. Jonny struggled to further his speech, though it was already clear he had failed. “And, uh... we're together...”

“Exactly,” Chris continued for Jonny. “He's my boyfriend and I love him.” Chris held out his hand, and there was one tiny moment where for some reason he was afraid that Jonny wouldn't act, but in a second Jonny grabbed his hand and Chris shakily sighed with relief. Then he looked back to his parents.

“OK,” his father said with disinterest, and both he and Chris's mother returned to what they had been doing before.

“Seriously?!” Chris shouted. He wasn't disappointed by their reaction, only angry that he'd been so afraid for nothing.

His father glanced up at him. “Well, I did always wonder about you, Chris.”

“Dad! It's... It's not like I'm gay,” Chris replied, but the nervous laughter and eyes darting around the room gave him away.

His father shot him a look that only a parent could give. “Oh, please, Chris. Explain the giant Les Misérables poster hanging up in your room.”

Chris gaped defensively, but after a while he gave up and narrowed his eyes at his father. “Fine,” he grumbled. He turned to Jonny and suggested that they go outside (“It's such a lovely day, dear Jonny, let us bask in all it's dazzling glory!” “Yeah... he's straight all right.” “Dad!!!”), and Jonny agreed.

“Hey,” Jonny said as they stepped onto the sidewalk, “at least they're fine with it. So we don't have to worry.”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “Oh, maybe we should go tell Guy. Last week he was pressuring me to confess to you, so I'm sure he'd love to know and rub it in my face like, 'I told you so!'” Chris sighed and shook his head as if to say that Guy was crazy, but he was Chris's oldest friend, what was Chris to do?

“Do you really have a Les Misérables poster in your room?” Jonny asked, almost out of nowhere. Chris looked at him and narrowed his eyes seductively.

“You wanna see it?” he slyly replied with a wink.

Jonny smiled, but he said, “I don't think your parents would like that now that they know about us.”

“They're not always home, though,” Chris retorted. “There are some things they go out to do. Like work.”

“Where does Guy live?” Jonny wasn't trying to be subtle- it was very obvious that he had grown uncomfortable with the direction of their conversation- so it was no surprise that Chris found his motive to be obvious. But Chris merely shook his head and laughed a little at Jonny.

“Jonny, Jonny, Jonny,” he said, “always changing the subject. Guy lives in this direction.” Chris lifted his right arm and flung it out, careful not to hit Jonny as he did so. “Shall we?” He held out his other arm for Jonny to link with his, which was precisely what Jonny did, laughing at Chris's bright manner.

In a matter of minutes they were at Guy's door, and Chris thought about kissing Jonny as soon as the door opened and delivering the news that way, but then he realized that Guy might not be the one answering the door. He was, though.

“Oh, look, it's you two,” he droned. “What do you want?”

Then Chris rethought his idea and he tapped Jonny on the shoulder. When Jonny looked over at him, he made his move, and by the time Chris pulled away Jonny's cheeks were bright red. From the doorway came some smug laughter, but neither of them turned their eyes away from the other.

“I told you so,” Guy snickered. Chris quickly raised his eyebrows at Jonny and they shared a knowing chuckle.

-

With only one month left of summer time seemed to fly by. Chris could hardly believe it when he received a letter from the school informing him of the date of the first day as well as his homeroom number. As he had expected, he and Jonny were in different homerooms, but he didn't mind that. There would be plenty of time to seen him otherwise.

Guy, however, did share his homeroom with Jonny. Guy couldn't say he was entirely thrilled, but since Chris and Jonny had become a couple, the pair had gone out several times with Guy and his current girlfriend, and the four seemed to get along well. Jonny was nervous, though, because he knew Guy was Chris's oldest friend and he was now worried about gaining his approval, even though he realized Guy's opinion wouldn't affect Chris's. It just made it easier for everyone if they were all on good terms with each other.

People stared when Jonny rode in on his motorcycle the first day of school, though now they weren't so much impressed with the vehicle as they were intrigued by the mysterious passenger whose arms clung tightly around Jonny's midriff. They could tell it was some boy- maybe Jonny had a younger brother?

No, this other boy looked too old to be Jonny's younger brother. And when the two set their feet upon the ground, helmets off, and Chris kissed Jonny as he pushed him up against the motorcycle- Jonny had somehow managed to set aside his discomfort with public displays of affection- the people realized that they probably weren't even related at all.

As they walked hand-in-hand into the school, the stares kept on coming, but they both just kept on going as if nothing had happened. Chris pulled Jonny off to the side of the hallway as they came upon the door to Chris's homeroom.

“Looks like today's gonna be fun,” Chris said sarcastically. He draped his arms around Jonny's shoulders and pulled him closer. Jonny let his hands rest on Chris's waist.

“You think people are gonna... like, flip out or something?” Jonny asked him, the fear in his voice sounding rather genuine. Chris shrugged his shoulders.

“I guess we'll find out.” He smiled at Jonny, then leaned forward and pressed their lips together. “Bye, love,” he whispered.

“Bye,” Jonny said, returning Chris's smile, and they both began to walk away.

Chris sat down in a seat all the way across the room from the entrance. He sighed as his body hit the chair, and he stared out the nearest window. He already missed Jonny.

A few girls sat down beside him, and they started to whisper and giggle amongst themselves. Chris didn't even notice them, until one of them poked him in the arm.

“Excuse me,” she said as he turned. “Hi. I was just wondering... are you, like, dating Jonny or something?”

He saw that the other girls were all staring intently at him. It made him feel kinda weird. “Yeah, he's my boyfriend.” All of the girls gasped in awe.

“Wow,” one of them said. “You are so lucky.”

“I'm so jealous!!”

“Is he a good kisser?” Chris was taken aback by the question, but even more so by the girl who asked it. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I'll bet his has the softest lips.”

“Oh my God, he probably does!” one of her friends squealed. Then they all started squealing, and Chris desperately wished he could go back in time and pick a different seat. Or somehow change his homeroom so he could be with Jonny again.

Chris went back to looking out of the window without answering any of the girls' other questions. At that moment he realized how Jonny must have felt for most of his life. People were always talking about him like that, but not one of them bothered to get to actually know him. In a way it made him happy, because he liked the idea of having Jonny all to himself, but it also made him sad to think that such a lovely personality was hidden under a pile of blind admirers.

He had no idea what classes he would have with Jonny, and by the time lunchtime came he still had no idea. He sat at a table by himself and hoped that eventually someone he knew would show up and sit with him.

“My, Chris, you look so alone and sad,” a voice said from behind him, and Chris instantly recognized it. He brightened up and grinned as Jonny took the seat beside him. “OK, now you don't.”

“Listen, Jonny, do you know what it is like being the boyfriend of a boy who is apparently the most popular boy in the entire school?” Chris leaned over and placed his hand on Jonny's thigh, though he meant it harmlessly. “People won't stop asking me things. Girls won't stop asking me things. And I've run out of evasive answers to give them.”

“I'm sorry,” Jonny quietly said, and his eyes gazed upon Chris's provocatively-placed hand.

“I'm not.” Chris smiled, and he seemed to have noticed what he had done with his hand before. He brought both of his arms up to the table and pushed some of his books off to his side. “Oddly enough, no one's asked if you're gay,” Chris mentioned, then waved his hand as if to say that that's just how things go.

“Have they asked about you?”

Chris shook his head. “But I guess, if they're anything like my dad, they already know.”

“I didn't think you were,” Jonny said, shrugging. “Actually, I was afraid that you would be, like, uber straight or something.”

Then suddenly there was a burst of laughter from nearby. Guy sat down opposite them, his head tossed back, laughing for what seemed to be no apparent reason. After a minute he stopped, and he looked to find that Chris and Jonny were staring at him expectantly. “Sorry, I just thought I heard 'Chris' and 'straight' in the same sentence. Had to laugh, you know.”

“Hey!” Chris defensively shouted, though he realized soon after that he had no reason to. “Well, you don't have to be so mean about it.”

“Fine,” Guy said, rolling his eyes, “so you like to bang dudes, whatever. Can I tell you about how hot my new math teacher is? She's... ah, I might actually pay attention this year.”

Chris turned to Jonny and, as Guy was busy drooling over thoughts of his teacher, quietly said, “I don't know how I put up with this for so long.”

Jonny laughed in response. “Well, you don't have to anymore, because you have me, right? So you won't be alone.”

“Right,” Chris agreed, grinning widely, “neither of us will be alone for a very long time.”