In the Woods

It was dark, pitch black, but as it was nighttime, that was to be expected. I couldn't sleep, and even though his eyes were closed, I know he couldn't either.

“Jonny,” I whispered to him. I heard a faint rustling as Jonny turned over in his sleeping bag. Through the dark I could just barely make out the outline of his face, and the whites of his eyes were like a dull grey as he blinked several times in quick succession.

“What is it, Chris?” he asked, clearly tired, his speech slurred from fatigue. His one hand was laying under his head, cradling his cheek, and for a moment I forgot what I was going to say. All I could think about was how I'd like that to be my hand instead.

In the background somewhere crickets chirped and owls hooted, and I finally pulled myself together to ask, “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“A bit,” he said. He propped himself up on his elbow and stretched a little, his other hand pushing against his back. It almost hurt to watch him, but I did it anyway because I couldn't bring myself to look away. “It's not as comfortable sleeping on the ground as I'd have thought,” he added with a hint of sarcasm.

“I just can't stop thinking,” I replied, leaving out the about you part, because Jonny wouldn't have wanted to hear that. “I guess that's always my problem, huh?”

I laughed a little, and Jonny laid back down. He was still on his side, facing me, and for a while I just listened to him breathe until he said, “Is there anything you want to, like, I don't know, talk about or something?”

I would have told him that there were a thousand other things I'd like to do with him apart from talking, but again, it wasn't something he would have wanted to hear. I couldn't jeopardize our friendship just because I'd had a stupid crush on him since we were twelve. After all, there were only a few more months left before Jonny went off to university and I went off to... wherever. Then maybe we'd never see each other again, and none of my feelings would matter anyway.

“No,” I sighed, as I had done a million times before. It was obvious that I was lying, obvious that Jonny knew I was lying, but he never pestered me further about it.

The wind blew across some of the tree branches above, and for a minute or so a beam of moonlight fell upon us. Jonny's eyes sparkled magnificently, and it was a good thing I was laying down because I could feel my knees going weak. How was it possible that even after all of these years, all Jonny had to do was live- breathe every now and then, involuntarily pump blood through his veins- and it completely took my breath away.

I was certain that those sparkling eyes of his could see my face now, too, and so I tried to hide any expression as best as I could. Jonny didn't try to hide at all, though, and his eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at me, his eyelids closing just a little.

His lips parted and he took in some air like he was going to say something, but no words came out in the moments after. Then the strange tingling sensation I had gotten so used to burned through my body, and maybe if I had been able to take in enough oxygen to even stir, I would have made a move.

It was quiet for a long time, not including the sounds of nature around us, and I realized about five minutes later that somehow Jonny and I were closer than we had been. It wasn't just me, though, because he seemed to have also moved. Could it have been that we were both just slowly leaning towards each other without even realizing it? Did Jonny realize it? Maybe he had done it on purpose...

It seemed as though as soon as I noticed this, we were inching closer and closer much more quickly, and I found my breathing extremely labored as it occurred to me that Jonny was mere centimeters away from me, his nose almost brushing against mine, his lips not far behind.

Then, without saying anything, Jonny took his hand and cupped my jaw, brought our lips together. It was a quick kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless, and my heart was frantically beating in my chest, trying to bust out of its cage. Knowing that Jonny didn't seem to mind anymore, I couldn't control myself, and I grabbed his waist and kissed him for real, open mouth and everything. Our bodies pressed together, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, too.

“I think we've needed to do that for a long time,” Jonny quietly said a few minutes later. I kissed his shoulder and rested my head on his chest as he laid on his back, and we were both still trying to catch our breath. I closed my eyes for a bit, but almost immediately I felt Jonny hand shaking my arm a bit. “Chris... Chris...”

Then suddenly everything was bright, and Jonny's heartbreaking green eyes were leaning over me with a great deal of concern. “Are you OK?” he asked, and I had to take quite some time to think about it, considering that I had no idea what was going on.

“I...um...”

“You were sleeping,” he explained, sitting back to give me some space, though I would have loved it if he had stayed right where he was. “And you were breathing really heavy, and I just wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong.” He voice quivered and he sounded almost frightened. I sat up and ran a hand through my tangled hair.

“No, I'm fine. I just had a... really... weird dream.” Jonny's eyes scanned over my body like he didn't believe me, and it felt a little invasive and at the same time exhilarating, but maybe that was because I imagined his hands and not his eyes. Then I felt really angry with myself for thinking that.

You just can't think those sort of things about Jonny. He's such a kind and gentle and innocent soul, and I would never want to ruin that with my warped fantasies. Part of me thinks that I should tell him how I feel, just because he deserves to know, but the other part of me thinks it wouldn't be fair. Besides, there's no way that he feels the same, so would there even be a point in telling him?

And of course, this would be the spot where Jonny decides to change everything.

“Chris...” he tentatively began, curling up and biting his lip adorably. “There's something that I've been thinking about for the past few days. I've been thinking about it a lot, actually. Remember how I was telling you about that girl I want to ask to prom?”

I bit back my disgust at remembering the girl, the pretty girl with the pretty black hair and the pretty brown eyes and that pretty smile. I nodded and told him that yes, I do remember her. Then he shifted so he was sitting cross-legged and leaning forwards.

“Well... would you go with me instead?” He looked at me expectantly, but I couldn't answer; I couldn't do anything but stare blankly and dumbly, my eyes wide and my jaw dropped. Jonny noticed that I was acting very strange, but he must not have thought that it was anywhere near a good reaction, so he decided to explain. “It's just that a lot of people make prom out to be a huge deal, right? And you're my best friend, and I figured that if it is the most important night of my teenage life, then I'd much rather spend it with my best friend than with some girl I barely know and may never even interact with again. You know?”

I wanted to answer, I really did, but I still couldn't do anything. I think something in my brain must have burst when he first asked, because I felt totally dead right then. I could see in Jonny's eyes that he was growing impatient and very anxious, and I really wanted to be able to say something.

“Like, we'll go as friends, you know, I mean... it's not gonna be weird or anything. I was just thinking that it would make a lot more sense...” Jonny sighed, turned his regretful eyes away, and at that moment something clicked for me, and I grabbed his arm. He looked back at me quickly, unsure of whether to be happy or scared, or both. I surprised myself by shaking my head.

“I can't go with you as just your friend,” I said, and now it was Jonny's turn to be shocked. For a few seconds he was dazed, but he shook himself back to the moment and cleared his throat.

“Well... OK. We could be each other's date, then... Like, real date. That's what you mean, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, breathily because I couldn't find the strength to use my full voice, and my hand slid down his arm to find his hand. His fingers clasped around mine and he let out a laugh, one of those giggly laughs that he was known for and that always made me smile.

“I should have asked you a long time ago, I'm sorry,” he sincerely said, the corners of his mouth still turned up impossibly far. I shook my head and moved so that I was sitting on his left.

“It's fine, but...” I told myself then not to do it, not to say what I was thinking, but did I listen? Of course not. Here we were, just Jonny and myself, sitting all alone in the middle of the woods and holding hands. There may never have been another perfect moment such as this. “You know, maybe we should...”

And that was when my vocal chords decided to stop working at the request of my brain, and I was stuck halfway through my proposal looking like a nervous, bumbling idiot. Jonny helped me out, taking his free hand and placing on the empty space of ground on my other side, and he leaned over so close that I could already start to hear his heartbeat.

I had to remember then that this was real, and not like the dream I'd just had at all. No, this was going to be a million times better. Every fiber of my being raged and urged me to just get it over with already, but I wasn't having any of that. I was going to move as slowly as possible and enjoy every single second, because- again- this was the perfect moment.

And that moment, the one I had been waiting for- no, longing for for five long years was nothing short of spectacular. Jonny's lips were even softer than I'd imagined them to be and really, there was no other way to describe any of it other than perfect. Just perfect.

Maybe I needed to find a thesaurus, but that definitely wasn't going to happen right then in the middle of nowhere. Instead, I stumbled upon the fabric of Jonny's shirt bunched around his torso as I let go of his hand and pulled him even closer until there was literally no space between our bodies. Anywhere.

I could hear Jonny moan against my lips as I laid back and brought him with me, the clothing between us creating far too much friction and making everything so hot. I slid my hands under his shirt, my fingers gliding across the smooth skin stretched over his ribcage. Before long I felt a pair of hands grabbing at the hem of my own shirt, but they didn't stay there, and only seconds later my jeans were no longer buttoned. I should have been feeling really self-conscious at that moment, but I wasn't. I felt totally comfortable.

Jonny broke away momentarily and paused, waiting to see that I was all right with him continuing. All I had to do to assure him was just look straight into his eyes, and he leaned back down. His hands went back to work, and a very short time later I was stripped down to just my boxers. I did start to feel a tad embarrassed at that time, but then I knew that now it was my turn, and so I undressed Jonny as he had done to me, except somehow even quicker. Or maybe it only seemed quicker to me.

And there we were, laying together on a tattered sleeping bag with nothing but two thin pieces of cloth separating us. His hand was on my waist, my hand on his cheek, and I could hear nothing but the sound of our breathing. It was kinda cool, because we were breathing in sync, and maybe our hearts beat together as well.

Despite how heated things had become, we didn't go any farther than that. It seemed like things just completely slowed down then, and we realized that there was still plenty of time left in the world. It was nice, though, because there was still no space between our bodies, but there was also no pressure to move the right way or say the right things. We were just there, together, and the rest of the world didn't exist.

And to think I'd only dreamed of kissing him.