Only Shooting Stars

"I can't do this."

Chris sat in the corner of the room, huddled up against the wall with his knees pressed firmly against his chest. He was rocking a little, his thumb nervously sliding over his bottom lip. "There's no way I can do this," he said.

“You wanna talk about not being able to do this?” a woman screamed from a bed across the room. “Try pushing an eight-pound thing through your-”

“It'll be fine,” the voice of reason, known to most as Jonny, interjected as he walked to where Chris was sitting. “You'll do fine, Chris.” He knelt down and rested his hand on Chris's shoulder, then looked up at the woman. “You'll do fine, too, Carrie.”

“OH, thank you, Jon, I was worried.” Carrie rolled her eyes. “It's not like I haven't done this before.”

“I'm sorry,” Jonny pointlessly apologized.

“Uh huh. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have made me go through this.” Carried threw her head back and hurled a blood-curdling scream into the air as he clutched her stomach. Chris watched her, his breath rapidly becoming more and more unsteady, until finally he was completely hyperventilating.

“Jonny... Jonny,” he kept saying, reaching out blindly, eyes still focused on Carrie, as he tried to find Jonny's hand. He held the mass of fleshy and muscly bones in his own hand, though the profuse sweating made it hard to keep his grip.

“Just breathe, Chris,” Jonny instructed him. He started to breathe deeply, and Chris tried to follow him, shaking every now and then. When Chris had calmed down, he closed his eyes, and Jonny brushed his free hand through the curls nearest Chris's ear, pushing them back behind the cartilage. “It's all gonna be OK,” he whispered.

Chris lifted his eyelids and let his head roll against the wall until he faced Jonny. “I don't think I can be in here,” he said, “when... it happens.”

“Are you sure?” Jonny softly asked.

“Yeah, I'm sure.”

“Then you might want to leave now,” the doctor said. Chris snapped his head up; he hadn't even been aware of the doctor's presence until just now.

“Now??” Chris's eyebrows scrunched together, and Jonny noticed his breaths becoming uneven again. He helped Chris stand up, then slowly led him out the door.

“I'm gonna go back in there, OK?” Jonny said, leaning over Chris, who was sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting area. Jonny brought his hand up and gently stroked Chris's cheek. “I'll come get you when it's over.”

Chris nodded, unable to communicate otherwise. As Jonny walked away, Chris bent forward and collapsed his torso, resting his weight on his elbows and burying his face in his hands.

It seemed like hours until he saw Jonny again. During the wait, he couldn't stop thinking about everything. He was going to be a father... what did he know about being a father? He read some books, but he was thoroughly convinced that none of the material sank in. Even if it did, he didn't think he would be able to put it to good use.

Jonny could be a good father. Jonny would be a good father. For that Chris was relieved, but he was still worried about his influence over their child. What if their son or daughter grew up to be some maniac serial killer, all because he couldn't parent correctly?

Part of him wanted to run back into the delivery room and tell Carrie she could keep the baby. But what would she want with another kid? She already had three.

Chris kept his position the same even though he felt someone sit down in the chair next to his. He had already guessed who it was, and the hand that was suddenly rubbing his lower back only confirmed the suspicion.

“Are you all right?” Jonny asked.

“I'm fine,” Chris said, the sound muffled through his hands, but Jonny understood it clearly. Chris looked at Jonny and sat back in the chair a bit. “...I'm a father.”

Jonny smiled and leaned closer to Chris so that Chris could feel Jonny's hot breath on his skin. “We have a daughter.”

“We have a daughter,” Chris repeated with shaky wonder.

“She has your eyes,” Jonny told him. “She'll grow up to be a beautiful girl.”

“She'd be more beautiful if she had your DNA.” Chris's eyes wandered down to Jonny's abdomen, not searching for anything in particular. “I'm a father,” he quietly said.

“Do you want to see her?” Chris looked up again and nodded.

She really was beautiful already. Of course, really she didn't look much different from any other baby, but it was the pure emotion of the situation that left everyone in the room with a feeling of total awe. It was the miracle of life, and Chris was holding it in his own two arms.

“Hello, little daughter of mine,” Chris quietly said to her. “I'm your daddy. One of them, anyway.”

Chris looked across the room to the bed where Carrie was laying, Jonny standing beside her. Chris nodded his head in a gesture meant to beckon Jonny over to where he was. Jonny smiled, quickly glanced at Carrie, then walked over to Chris.

“This is your other daddy.” Chris leaned over and whispered, “He's much more handsome than I am. Unfortunately you won't be receiving any of his good looks. I apologize in advance.”

Jonny beamed at the pair, then smoothed down some of Chris's untamed curls. “See? I told you everything would be fine,” he said. “You're a natural at this.”

“What should we name her?” Chris asked.

“Well...” Jonny thought for some time. “What was that name we came up with before?”

“Elizabeth?” Chris tilted his head to the right. “I don't think it suits her.”

“Yeah, me neither. What about...” Jonny paused a second time, but this time he did not speak up again. He felt like any name he came up with was unworthy of being used by the little angel Chris was holding. He also sensed that Chris knew just what to call her.

“What about Nova?” Chris looked up at Jonny with his shining blue eyes. Jonny knew that if this kid was going to be anything like her father, an otherworldly name would be perfect.

“Nova it is,” Jonny said with a smile. “Nova... Martin?”

Chris immediately and firmly shook his head. “Nova Buckland-Martin.”

“Why Buckland-Martin?” Jonny asked.

“So that she can shorten it to Nova Buckland.” Chris looked at Nova, smiled, and turned back to Jonny. “I gave her her first name, you can give her her last name.”

“Technically, isn't you saying that you giving her her last name?” Jonny softly laughed. Chris sarcastically smiled and narrowed his eyes. “Buckland-Martin sounds wonderful.”

Just then Nova opened her eyes a tiny bit, but even that was enough to sparkle and bathe the room in bright light.