Jonny Springer

 

"Jonny! Jonny! Jonny!" the audience chanted as Jonny walked on the stage. He smiled and waved, carrying a microphone and a card that said 'JONNY SPRINGER' in his hand.

"Hello, everyone. On the show today we have a few men who have some major problems... like we always do." The audience laughed and applauded. "But really, these guys are so messed up. You're gonna love 'em."

The large screen behind Jonny displayed a shot of a very intimidating, slightly hairless man looking quite cross. The title under him said 'WILL CHAMPION My best friend is an alcoholic bastard' and suddenly a voice appeared.

"We used to go out to clubs all the time, you know, to have fun and pick up girls," the man called Will said. "But after a bit, things got out of hand. He'd start drinking as soon as he woke up. And he's a mean drunk." The screen changed to a shot of the man almost in tears. "I just...," he sobbed. "I just want my friend back!"

"All right, let's bring him out. Everyone, WILL CHAMPION!" Jonny gestured to the side of the stage where Will entered, and the crowd applauded once more. Will took a seat in one of the chairs in the middle of the stage.

"OK, Will, so your friend is a drunk?" Jonny asked, taking the other chair.

"Yeah. It's horrible. Sometimes he comes to work drunk, and then he starts yelling and throwing things."

"And you brought him here instead of sending him to rehab?" The audience laughed and Jonny flashed a smug grin.

"Well, yeah, but I thought maybe you'd be able to help."

"I'll see what I can do. Let's bring him out, shall we?" The audience cheered in approval. "Here he is, GUY BERRYMAN!"

"Jonny! Jonny! Jonny!" the crowd chanted once more as a short, dark-haired man stumbled onto the stage. Will remained seated, and he looked a bit hurt to see his friend in such a terrible state. Guy sat down, and the chanting ceased.

"What are we here for?" Guy slurred.

"Because, Guy, you're a drunk. And you need help."

"I'm not a trunk!" he yelled.

"Guy, you're drunk now! On national TV!" The audience let out a unified 'Ohhh!' as Guy appeared to be getting angry.

"I'M NOT TRUNK! YOU'RE TRUNK!" he shouted and poked his finger into Will's arm. He then stood up. "YOU WANNA GO? YOU WANNA GO?"

"YEAH, I WANNA GO!" Will shouted back and stood up, advancing towards Guy. The two began to hit and curse at each other and continued to do so even after the muscular guards had attempted to pull them apart. The crowd was going absolutely bonkers, and Jonny stood on the edge of the stage, looking almost bored.

Suddenly, another man appeared on the screen. This man had bright blue eyes and curly, cinnamon brown locks. He looked directly into the screen and said, "Hello? Is this thing on?"

Everything stopped. All eyes were pointed at the strange man who'd just magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Can you all hear me? Well, I guess I'm not gonna get an answer, huh?" He looked around for a bit, then said, "Oh! I've got an idea. Just wait." With that, the man ran out of view and the screen went back to normal. No one moved or said anything, however. A minute later, the man ran onto the stage and bolted towards Jonny. He threw his arms around him and held him in a tight embrace.

"Chris... what are you doing here?" Jonny asked him, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. However, the microphone prevented him from doing so, and everyone could hear their entire conversation.

"I missed you, Jonny."

"I'm hosting a TV show, Chris."

"... I missed you, Jonny. I missed you so much."

"You just saw me this morning! Remember? We... uh," he chuckled nervously.

"Yeah, but I love you so much that I want to be with you every second of the day!"

"God, you're so clingy!"

"Well, it's not my fault you're afraid to admit our relationship!" Chris yelled. The crowd gasped.

"Now the whole world knows!"

"Just the way it should be, Jonny. We shouldn't have to hide our love!" Jonny looked away in a moment that seemed like a scene from a soap opera. Chris turned to the audience and yelled, "YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE!" then sprinted off the stage, bursting into tears. For a few seconds the room was quiet again. Then Will and Guy looked at each other, shrugged, and continued fighting.

"Whoa, whoa!" Will said, raising his hand in front of Jonny to silence him. "That sounds like a horrible idea."

"What? I think I'd be a great talk show host."

"Jonny Springer? Really? I'm sorry, Jon, but I have to agree with Will," Guy said.

"You guys... you're so mean." He turned his big green eyes in Chris' direction. "Chris, what do you think?"

"Why do I always cry? Why can't you make me not cry for once?"

"Because, Chris, honey, you're-"

"I'M NOT EMOTIONAL! God!" Chris yelled and ran from the room, crying. Jonny shrugged, finally admitting defeat.

"Fine, I guess that's another thing to add to the list of fanfics that shouldn't be made."