Far From Easy

THIS story will confuse you, that's a guarantee!

It's a slash fic!

---

Chris leaned against Jonny for support as he opened his mouth to a perfect 'O' shape and scraped at the side of his lips. Of course, he only did this because it meant he got to touch Jonny. It's not like he needed the support. He wasn't gonna fall over because he opened his mouth.

Jonny was standing innocently when he felt the pressure of Chris's elbow digging into his shoulder. It was something he was used to, the physical pain of Chris's boniness, but the shivers sent down his spine as a result still took some getting used to. After all, it's not like he'd been feeling this way ever since he first met Chris.

Chris quickly removed his arm to not seem too suspicious. But it was no accident that his hand brushed against Jonny's as he rested his arm at his side. He looked down briefly as if to make sure that it happened, then glanced at Jonny to find some sort of reaction. He didn't find anything but a handsome young man staring into the distance.

Jonny kept his eyes ahead to hide whatever was leaking through them. He knew well enough by now that it was almost impossible to keep his secret buried safely inside, especially with Chris always bumping into him. He both relished and detested Chris's apparent clumsiness. If only he'd intentionally brush his hand against Jonny's. 

Chris thought about forgetting the rest of the world and just telling Jonny how he felt. He thought about reaching out and softly stroking Jonny's cheek as gorgeous green eyes pierced through him and made him bleed love. And Jonny could be the healer and give some of his own lovely blood to supplement that which Chris had lost. Then Jonny would always be a part of him.

Jonny wished Chris would stop staring at him. Not only because it made him a little uncomfortable and less able to hide his secret, but also because it meant he couldn't stare at Chris. He dared to turn his head anyway, just to catch a glimpse of those stunning blue eyes that had first captivated him so long ago. It was almost too long ago- too long being in love without any hope of the feeling being returned.

Chris turned away as Jonny looked at him. It was more of a reflex than a true desire to lower suspicions. He knew Jonny was aware of the staring. He slowly slid his eyes back to where Jonny's were watching over him, and that's when he began to wonder- what else was Jonny aware of?

Jonny noticed a change in Chris when he looked back. No longer was there the twinkle that always made his heart flutter, no longer was there a sense of infinite happiness and wonder at the world behind the bright blue eyes. Now there was only a sad pain. It reached out to Jonny and screamed HELP ME.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm sure. Everything's right.” Chris winced a little as he spoke. “The world is how it's supposed to be.”

Chris turned away and stared sadly at the ground. He wondered if Jonny believed anything he said.

“No.” Chris went to turn his head, but his shoulders were already being grabbed by Jonny. “No, tell me that's not true.”

“Tell you what?”

“ 'The world is how it's supposed to be'... Tell me that's not true.”

“Why would I tell you it's not true?”

“It can't be true, you can't believe it!” Jonny cried.

“Why can't I believe it?”

“Because it's not true... right?”

“But it is true... How can the world be anything else other than what it's supposed to be?”

“But if it's true, then...”

Jonny gave up and dropped his arms to his side. Chris was right; they were only meant to be friends, and for now that would have to be good enough.

- 

Jonny's eyes were closed, deep in sleep while resting on the sofa in the dressing room. It wasn't unusual for any of them to nap before the shows. Actually, it was unusual for Jonny not to nap before each show.

Chris never slept. Even at night he'd lie awake and count the ceiling tiles. During the day he'd count the floor tiles. 

Jonny breathed steadily and stayed asleep as Chris sat down next to him. Chris laid his pretty blue eyes on Jonny's image and loudly sighed. Jonny still stayed asleep.

Chris watched Jonny for a long time in the otherwise empty dressing room. The ticking clock on the wall filled the silence. Then Chris decided to speak.

“Can I tell you about my day, Jonny?” he whispered. “Well, I'll tell you about my yesterday.

“I woke up and I realized it was a day off, which made me sad, because then I knew I wasn't going to see you. So I woke up sad, but then I decided to make the most of the day anyway. I always do that- try to make the most of the days when I don't see you. That way I get life experience, and I can tell you about those experiences when I do see you, and then maybe you'll be impressed with me.

“So yesterday I decided the experience I wanted to... experience was rock climbing. And I was gonna tell you that I did that, if you were awake, and I did do it, but the thing is that you know the rock wall at the gym? That's what I climbed. But I thought that would make you laugh, in the kind way that you always do that makes me happy.

“I did fairly well, and then I would have told you that I'm now considering doing it for real, now that I'm so experienced in this area, and you probably would have said that I'd break my neck. Then I'd wonder what you would do if something happened to me. Would you be devastated? I guess maybe you would, since I'm your friend. If something happens to a friend, you'd be upset. I suppose that's enough.

“If something happened to you, I'd be way more than devastated. But I don't like to think about that sort of thing. Right now, right this second, you're here, and that's all that matters to me. I'll... I guess I'll have to deal with the rest when it happens, you know? But I certainly don't want to think about it.

“I'm feeling a little worried about the show tonight. But I guess I feel that way a lot. Maybe I'll feel better once you're awake and you can give me a pep talk. Will tried to do that earlier, but it's just not the same. I know he means it, and so does everyone else, but I need to hear it from you, otherwise I just can't believe it.”

Jonny woke up a few minutes later. He opened his eyes to find Chris sitting beside him, which was an altogether pleasant thing to wake up to.

“Hey, Chris,” he hoarsely said.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Chris laughed. “Jonny, would you be impressed if I told you that yesterday I went rock climbing?”

Chris bit his lip and patiently waited for an answer. Jonny narrowed his eyes- he definitely knew something was up.

“You went to the gym, didn't you?”

“... Maybe,” Chris sheepishly said.

Jonny laughed, which Chris expected him to, but he also nodded his head. Chris didn't expect that.

“Yeah, it's impressive.”

“Really?”

“Most things you do are impressive, Chris. They are to me, anyway.”

Chris involuntarily smiled at the most wonderful thing he'd ever heard. It was the small things like this that made him feel that with every day he drew one step closer to the doorway of Jonny's heart.

- 

Chris jumped down the sidewalk, gaining nearly five feet on Jonny. Once his feet collided with the pavement, he proceeded to skip further along the path. He would have preferred not getting ahead, but he was far too energetic to walk at a slower pace.

Jonny walked rather slowly and just enjoyed the night. It was cool, and he knew it was only going to get colder, but he would brave it. There was no way he was going to say no when Chris asked to join him on a walk.

Chris stopped and waited for Jonny. He would have walked back to where Jonny was, but he chose instead to stand and just watch Jonny walk under the streetlights. Jonny was looking down at the sidewalk, but every now and then Chris caught flashes of green that made him smile.

Jonny was unsure of whether or not he should stop once he reached Chris. He figured that Chris was just waiting for him, but he was still a bit iffy about what to do. He didn't want to keep walking and look like a bit of a tosser, but he also didn't want to slow down and risk looking like an idiot for just standing there while Chris walked away.

Chris moved again when Jonny was only a foot away. He silently walked beside Jonny for quite some time, his attention strictly focused on making sure they were walking in sync. It took a few tries and some fancy footwork, but he eventually managed it.

Jonny bit down on his lip to stifle his laughter. He loved it when Chris did silly things like that. He wasn't sure though if Chris realized that he knew, or if Chris would even care anyway.

Chris was starting to get cold, but he didn't want to say anything. If he did, Jonny would suggest that they just go back to the hotel, but Chris wanted to keep spending time alone with Jonny. But Jonny seemed to be able to read Chris's mind, which freaked him out a little.

“It's kinda cold, isn't it?” Jonny asked.

“It's not so bad...”

“Chris, you're shivering.” Jonny bravely reached out and grabbed Chris's ice-cold hand. “Dude, you're freakin' freezing!”

“No, wait,” Chris said when Jonny took his hand away. “Your hand is warm.”

Jonny forgot to breath for a while, but when he finally did, he tentatively held out his hand again. Chris held onto it tightly, and Jonny shivered himself not only because he was cold. But he didn't want to read too much into it.

Chris held onto Jonny's hand and tried to keep his head from exploding. He had always wanted to do this, walk hand-in-hand with Jonny down some deserted street, but he never thought it would actually happen. He always told himself it wouldn't, just so he couldn't get his hopes up and would theoretically never get crushed, either.

“Seriously, Chris, you're freezing.”

“No, I'm just... I'm just a little chilly.”

“Well, I'm freezing. Maybe we should go back to the hotel.”

“OK,” Chris frowned. “But, Jonny... well, could we maybe still hang out? I mean, if it's not too late or anything.”

“We could, yeah. It's fine with me.”

“Good, because I miss hanging out with you.”

Jonny had never said it before, and even now he was a little nervous to admit it, but he missed it, too. Even though they were still close, it seemed as though they'd drifted a little since their days of starting as a new band and sharing a flat. As they walked in the general direction of the hotel, still holding hands, Jonny hoped that the night would help restore some of that lost connection. 

- 

Jonny flinched when the door nearly hit him. It was never going to actually hit him, but as he wasn't paying attention, he was caught off-guard. He'd been too preoccupied with staring at Chris.

Chris held the door open and waited for Jonny to go inside first. He noticed that Jonny hadn't really been paying attention, which was worrying. Jonny was always really focused, at least the most focused of all of them.

Jonny, like always, ignored the constant flipping of his stomach and walked past Chris. The small lobby of the hotel was nearly empty by now, which begged Jonny to wonder what time it was. He didn't really think about it earlier, but the moon had been up pretty high.

Chris tailed behind Jonny and stared longingly at the back of his head. He wondered what would happen once they were alone in Jonny's room together. It was pretty late now, and Chris always found it extremely difficult to control his actions as the night went on.

Jonny fumbled with the key to his room. He tried to hide it from Chris as best as he could, and he thought he was doing a good job by standing as close to the doorknob as was possible. But then he felt Chris's hot breath on his neck as Chris looked over his shoulder, and he nearly broke the key in the lock.

Chris watched as Jonny finally unlocked the door. Chris continued to worry about Jonny, but he was slowly beginning to realize that Jonny's odd behavior seemed to be simple nervousness. Then he only had to wonder why Jonny would be nervous.

Jonny threw his room key onto the nightstand by the bed. He took off his shoes and left them right where they were, then just stood there. He debated whether or not he should sit down on the bed, or cross the room to the sofa.

Chris made a quick decision. He flew past Jonny and plopped himself down on the bed. He smiled brightly up and Jonny and rested his hands in his lap, waiting for Jonny to sit down beside him.

Jonny was only a little relieved that Chris had made the decision for him. He sat down next to Chris and made sure that there was little room between either of them. But he didn't think that he would act upon their closeness.

Chris thought that after a while he would get used to sitting so close to Jonny. After a while, he would stop thinking about it, and start thinking about other things, like what the next day was going to be like. After a while, though, after a long period of completely nerve-racking serene silence, he realized that this feeling wasn't going away any time soon.

“Jonny, we are grown men,” Chris finally stated.

“Yeah. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Grown men aren't supposed to feel like this.”

“Feel like what?”

“Like I'm gonna throw up.”

“Well... grown men throw up sometimes.” Chris turned his head, lifting his stunning blue eyes to Jonny, and blinked a few times. “I mean, I guess everyone throws up every now and then-”

Jonny instinctively raised his hands to cup Chris's jaw as Chris leaned forward and introduced their lips. The very tips of his fingers grazed Chris's curly locks, the pointy ends lightly and lovingly pricking his fingers. Jonny felt Chris's hand rest on the side of his abdomen, sending bursts of tingling shivers throughout his entire being.

Chris looked into Jonny's eyes as they pulled apart. His own began to fill with tears, which he tried and failed to hold back. Jonny unsurprisingly noticed, and he brushed his thumb across the smooth, wet surface of Chris's cheek.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong.” Chris counteracted the tears with a wide, satisfied grin. “The world is how it's supposed to be.”

-

Chris tried his hardest not to blink. It was a difficult task, completely impossible to accomplish, but he tried anyway. He didn't want to miss anything.

Jonny was sound asleep, laying on his back with his head turned to Chris. He had convinced Chris to stay with him for the night- though Chris hardly needed convincing- but had discovered in time that he was far more tired that he'd estimated, and fell asleep quicker than he'd anticipated. There wasn't really much to miss.

Chris scooted over closer to Jonny. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was actually tired enough to fall asleep. Using Jonny's shoulder as a pillow, Chris closed his eyes and laid motionless, letting the rhythmic motion of Jonny's chest steadily moving up and down as he breathed drift him off into unconsciousness.

Jonny woke up a few hours later as the sun began to rise. He rapidly blinked for a few seconds before his eyes adjusted to the light. He was a little surprised, but wholly delighted to discover Chris sleeping beside him.

Chris was on his side, his back turned against Jonny. Jonny took no offense to this, though, as he just assumed that Chris had tossed in his sleep.

Jonny moved and pressed his chest against Chris's back, then wrapped his arm around Chris's abdomen. He laid his head down on the pillow, and as he tried to go back to sleep he was overcome with intensely delightful scent of Chris's hair.

Chris could feel Jonny's arm wrapped around him even in his sleep. He felt himself smiling, then realized that he was slowly coming back to reality.

Then the feel of Jonny's warm body laying beside him disappeared, and a wave of cold air rushed over him. He shivered as he pulled the blankets up over his shoulder and readjusted his position.

Chris's eyes flew open as he remembered what just happened. His heart began to race as he quickly sat up and looked at the other side of the bed.

It was empty, like he expected it to be, but flashes of Jonny laying beside him riddled his mind. He looked down at his own hands, then, grabbing at the collar of his shirt, he started to feel really uncomfortable.

He tried so many times to get rid of these thoughts. First he tried eating breakfast, thinking that maybe his odd behavior was the cause of hunger, but all he could think about was how much Jonny loved wheat toast with grape jam. He thought maybe watching TV would distract him, but the first thing that came on when he turned on the set was Pirates of the Caribbean.

Then he tried taking a shower, but that only put him in the position where he was naked and thinking about Jonny, which made him the most uncomfortable of all.

In a desperate attempt to rid himself of any fault, he ran to his computer and looked up as much as he could about dreams. He hoped endlessly that maybe just because he'd had one weird dream didn't mean that suddenly his entire world had changed. But he found no comfort in what came up as a result.

He sat back down on the sofa and wondered how normal it was to have such vivid dreams about your best friend... and being in love with him. That was the part that Chris couldn't wrap his mind around. As far as he could recall, he'd never felt that way about Jonny while he was awake.

Suddenly an alarm went off in another room. Chris started at the unexpected noise, and he quickly remembered that the alarm was set to remind him that it was time to practice with the rest of the band.

He considered faking sick to get out of it. As much as his dream-self would have loved it, he really didn't want to be around Jonny at the moment. His morning so far spent in solitude had already been far from easy.

-

“I don't see why it's my responsibility to talk to him.”

“Because, he likes you the most out of us. He trusts you.”

“Yeah, Jon. Please do this? We really need Chris to focus.”

Jonny sighed and looked down at his guitar. Guy and Will were right; Chris never seemed to open up as much to anyone else as he did to Jonny. But Jonny had recently been feeling differently about his friendship with Chris, though he wasn't exactly sure what his feelings were now. They were just different than before.

“Fine,” he eventually agreed, then walked back into the small room where Chris was lightly playing the piano to himself.

When Jonny walked by, Chris looked up and his mind raced. Suddenly, they were back in the hotel room, bodies pressed together, lips locked, and Jonny's hands raking through Chris's thick curls. Then Chris snapped himself back to the present, twitching uneasily as he did so.

“Chris, what's up with you? Are you feeling OK?”

“I'm feeling fine,” Chris quickly and unconvincingly replied. “Are you guys done with your break so we can get back to playing?”

“We can get back to playing when you stop acting so weird,” Jonny said.

“I'm fine, I promise,” Chris droned. “Can we please get back to playing?”

Jonny stared at Chris. He knew Chris was lying. It wasn't difficult to see. “I'll go get the other guys,” Jonny quietly said.

Within a few minutes the four were gathered in the same room, readying themselves to start their song. Chris counted off the beat, then the room burst with melodic explosions. They all sounded absolutely fantastic, despite Chris's inability to keep his focus on the piano in front of him. Every few seconds he would look up at Jonny, and remember what it had felt like to have those hands run over him like they did the frets of Jonny's precious guitar. Or, at least, what he thought it would feel like. And he was wrought with confliction; he mostly wanted these weird images to disappear, but a small part of him wished to experience that touch once more.

It was only that it had felt so nice. To have such strong arms wrapped around him, gently holding him- and the feel of warm breath grazing the back of his neck... it could have been anyone.

He was just lonely, quite often. The night air never did much to comfort him, not when it was busy filling up the empty space in his bed.

Before he knew it, practice was over and Jonny and Will had left. Guy was still in the room, though he was packing up. But Chris decided to take the opportunity to ask Guy for some advice.

“Guy, I need your help with something,” Chris said from across the room. Guy paused and looked up.

“With what?”

“Well...” Chris slowly got up and walked over to Guy. He hesitated to continue, but knew that it was for the best if he did. “You're pretty... knowledgeable in the area of... relationships, right?”

“I guess. Why?”

“Have you ever had a sex dream? Like, about someone you're friends with?”

“Once or twice, yeah.” Guy tilted his head and examined Chris throw narrowed eyes. “Is that why you've been so strange today?”

“Kinda,” Chris quietly answered. “I mean, I don't remember there being any sex in the dream, so it wasn't an actual sex dream, but... it was a dream that I wouldn't have expected to have, anyway.”

“It probably doesn't mean anything. Unless it was, like, Jonny or something-”

“Why would you say that?” Chris immediately asked. “Why Jonny?”

Chris was hoping for an answer, but the expression on Guy's face merely told that Guy had found an answer of his own.

“In that case, you better watch yourself,” Guy said. “Because I'd be OK with there being something between you two, but if anything goes wrong and it affects the band... well, I certainly can't say that pleasant things would happen afterward.”

“So the dream wasn't just a weird dream? You think I...” Chris sighed, his voice breaking with disintegrated hope. “I have feelings for Jonny...”

“It wouldn't surprise me, no. I kinda thought you did, actually. And so did Will.” Guy placed a hand on Chris's shoulder and locked their eyes together. “But if you're not sure, then maybe you don't. I mean, I think you'd know if you had feelings for him.”

Chris soaked in Guy's words, and replayed them over and over until they were far too processed into his mind. And he remembered the flashes of dream that had cluttered his focus since he woke up. And the way he felt when he remembered them, and how he tried just a little to pretend that he was Jonny's guitar, that they were both alone in that hotel room again...

And he knew he had feelings for Jonny.

-

“Can I come over?”

“Yeah, sure. I'm not doing much anyway, and it'd be nice to have some company.”

“Good, because I'm outside your door right now.” Chris smiled lightly and lowered his phone as Jonny opened the door. “Hey.”

“What would you have done if I said no?” Jonny laughed.

“Uh... left, I guess.” Chris briefly thought back to his dream and innocently raised his eyes to Jonny. “Actually, could we take a walk? It's a beautiful night out.”

“Sounds great.”



“Look at all those stars,” Jonny said in amazement as they walked down the sidewalk.

Chris chuckled and asked, “Are they yellow?”

“At least one of them's bound to be,” Jonny laughed in return. Then he turned to look at Chris, the same amazed expression dancing across his face. “I'm glad that you seem to be feeling better.”

“Yeah...” Chris let a few seconds of awkward silence pass by before he spoke again. “Jonny, have you ever thought that maybe we're meant to be more than best friends?”

Jonny thought for a moment instead of answering right away, but he kept his eyes on Chris. “Have you?”

“No,” Chris quietly said, “but now I'm considering it.”

“You are? Why?”

“Because I had this dream... but you still haven't technically answered my question.”

Jonny moved his eyes down to see his feet glide across the pavement as he and Chris crossed the street. When they reached the other side, both men simultaneously stopped, and Jonny kept his eyes lowered.

“For the past week or so, I've been very... confused,” Jonny timidly began. “But now that you mention it... I guess I have.”

“Last night I had a dream where you and I...” Chris tried to finish, but was overwhelmed with the sudden flush his cheeks had attained. “It wasn't anything dirty, of course, it was just nice. I actually felt really happy.”

“A dream, hmm?” Jonny mused. “And you think it might have been prophetic?”

“...Yeah.”

“I think it might have been, too,” Jonny said in a deep voice. “How exactly did the dream start?”

“Well, it started something like this,” Chris hesitated for a slight moment, then reached forward and grabbed Jonny's hand. “And then we go back to your place,” he said in a near-whisper. Then he quickly decided to reiterate, “Not dirty.”

“OK,” Jonny replied, “but I have a better idea.”

Chris looked up and waited for Jonny to continue, but he didn't. Jonny tightened his grip on Chris's hand and started to lead Chris down the street. Chris didn't ask any questions, and so they just walked in silence until Jonny began to slow down a few minutes later.

When they stopped, they were somewhere around the middle of a giant football field. The goals at either end were barely visible through the looming darkness, but their faint outlines were just enough to inform Chris of his whereabouts. He wasn't altogether surprised that Jonny would bring him there, but he was wondering what exactly they would be doing.

“Chris, I've had dreams before, too,” Jonny said, still holding onto Chris's hand and using his other one to brush Chris's cheek. “They were more like daydreams, though, but... I've always wanted to have someone to share this with.”

Jonny slowly leaned in, and Chris welcomed Jonny's lips as they brushed his own. Jonny slid his hand down and raised his other one, wrapping them both around Chris's neck. Chris rested his own hands on Jonny's back, involuntarily comparing reality with his past dream.

Reality was so much better.



“Do you really think it would be that easy?”

Chris forcefully blinked a few times, trying to make sure he wasn't actually going crazy. But sure enough, what he saw in front of him was more than just his own reflection.

Chris spun around and thus turned his focus away from the bathroom mirror. It's always a little weird for people to see what they really look like, since being in their own body sort of distorts their view of themselves, though not in an entirely bad way. But to see his own body standing in the same room as him, breathing and living just like he was, led Chris to believe that something was wrong.

-

“Don't even think about it.”

Chris looked up at the version of himself sitting beside him on the couch. His eyes flashed with anger as he said, “I wasn't going to.”

“Do you think you're an idiot?” other-Chris asked. Chris shook his head. “Then why would you think I am?”

“I wasn't going to,” Chris insisted in a mumble as he turned away. “Besides, what would be so horrible if I did?”

“Oh, gee, I don't know... everything?”

“You make it sound like I'm trying to light the world on fire or something. Everything would definitely go wrong then.”

“You may as well be,” other-Chris replied. “Chris, things don't always turn out the way you want them to just because you want them to turn out that way. You can wish really, really hard, but if something's gonna go wrong, it's gonna go wrong. It doesn't care what you think, or feel, or whatever. It's just gonna go wrong.”

“What if this doesn't go wrong?” Chris quietly asked. He brought his legs up and folded them against his torso, resting his chin on his knees. “Hmm?”

“Well, then you'll be blessed with immense happiness, won't you?” other-Chris sneered. He then put on a girlish voice and proceeded to mock Chris in a ridiculously exaggerated manner. “Oh, my name is Chris, and I like Jonny. He's been my bestest friend ever since I met him, and oh, I just want to run up to him and kiss him, and I know he'll kiss me back because we're bestest friends, of course he feels the same!”

“I'm not stupid, I know there's a chance he won't feel the same,” Chris snapped. “But... it's not even worth trying?”

“You've been best friends with him since you met, don't you think that by now you'd know if he felt the same?”

“I didn't always feel this way,” Chris simply replied. Other-Chris shot him a blank stare and said nothing in return. “I didn't know I always felt this way. Maybe he didn't either.”

“Guy knew. Will knew. Do you think then maybe Jonny knows? If he knows, why wouldn't he say anything? Unless he doesn't care...”

Chris, completely fed up by this point, stood up and stormed into the kitchen. He filled a glass of water and downed it along with some aspirin, hoping that the hallucination was just a weird side-effect of his throbbing headache. Of course, he knew that even if it was, it was still a worrying sign of imminent insanity- or it was a worrying sign of present insanity.

He sat down at the small kitchen table and tried to relax. If his other self didn't show up anytime soon, then he would take that as a good thing. He laid his head down on the cold table surface and closed his eyes. The headache still pounded, but he tried to ignore it as best as he could.

Soon he was with Jonny again, both quietly sitting in somewhere that Chris recognized, but he couldn't quite put his finger on the name. It was a small cafe, almost completely empty save for he and Jonny and a few other customers. He could have sworn that he'd been there before, but he had no luck remembering. In any case, he decided he'd much rather focus on Jonny.

“This is just a dream,” Jonny plainly informed Chris. Chris paused for a second, then nodded his head.

“I know. Are...” He looked around a little, then gathered the courage to continue. “Are we on a date?”

Jonny looked up with those brilliantly green eyes of his, shot Chris a look of indifference, and gave a small shrug. “It's your dream.”

“Then, that makes it yes or something?”

“Sure.”

Chris tapped his fingers on the table for a few minutes. He was just staring for a while, until he finally reached across the table and placed his hand over Jonny's. His smile as he looked up at Jonny turned into an uncontrollable giggle, and he blushed a little. Jonny stared back, but he didn't look quite so happy.

“Wake up,” he demanded. Chris tilted his head and looked at him incredulously. In a much clearer and more emphasized tone, Jonny repeated, “Wake up.”

“But I like it here,” Chris quietly said.

“WAKE UP!”

Chris jolted and his eyelids flew open. Hoovering over him, practically breathing fire down his neck, was his other self. Chris apathetically raised his head, only to find that not only had his headache remained, it had worsened.

“Don't do that to yourself!” other-Chris shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You,” Chris yelled back. “You're what's wrong with me.”

Other-Chris narrowed his eyes and grabbed Chris's wrist, yanking him out of the chair and dragging him to the door.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked his other self.

“You'll see.” As they left the apartment and started for the stairs, neither of the Chrises said another word. In fact, it was quite a long time before either spoke again, almost until they were at the end of their journey.

-


“When am I going to be doing this seeing, now?”

“Soon. If you'd just shut your trap, maybe we'll get there quicker.”

“It's not like I've been yapping away this entire time,” Chris quietly replied.

“Oh, it's not like I've been yapping away this entire time,” other-Chris mimmicked.

“Real mature. That definitely shows who's the more rational of us.”

“Eh, I'm not the one hallucinating.”

“You kinda are, if you're me.”

“Maybe I'm not you.” Other-Chris stopped dead in his tracks, nearly causing Chris to bump into him. He was only other-Chris for another few seconds, though, before he changed into a copy of Jonny. “What would you think about that?”

Chris froze, caught between trying to remind himself that it was just a hallucination and slow down his rapid heartbeat, and trying to fight back the tears that were being brought on by the frivolous strain he was putting himself through. He could not for the life of him understand why this was happening to him, why he couldn't just let himself be.

“Chris?” a voice hesitantly called out, interrupting Chris's thoughts. Chris spun around and his imaginary Jonny was replaced by the real thing.

“Jonny...” Chris looked around briefly and through the darkness saw that he had ended up at the base of Jonny's apartment building. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I live here. But you...? You don't...”

“I... wanted to talk to you?” Chris unconvincingly replied. He cleared his throat and tried again in a much stronger tone. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“You wanted to talk to me, but you sounded shocked that I was here?” Chris bit his lip. This was one of those times where Jonny's quick wit, something he admired most of the time, was actually working against him.

“I'm a little nervous,” he admitted.

“Why are you nervous?” Jonny moved so that his face was lit up by the streetlight. Chris moved so he could be closer to Jonny.

“Because it's really important.” Chris could hear his other self breathing into his ear, standing so close that their bodies were almost conjoined. “And I'm afraid you might not like it.”

“Won't like it,” other-Chris whispered, “he won't like it, Chrissy.”

“Well, Chris, you're always so paranoid,” Jonny said. “I'm sure whatever it is, I won't mind.”

“Look at his eyes, he's lying,” other-Chris murmured through the corner of his mouth.

“I don't know, but...” Chris paused and took a deep breath, quickly closing then reopening his eyes. “It's worth a shot, right?”

“Shot through the heart?” other-Chris cackled. Chris resisted the urge to swing his fist back into his other self's face, mostly on account of the fact that he'd look utterly insane doing so.

“Just tell me what it is.” Jonny sounded tired and a little annoyed, which made Chris's heart sink a bit. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Jonny, but the first thing he wanted to do was tell Jonny how he felt, and it seemed like the two conflicted.

“Jonny, it's not really easy to say this, but...” Chris started, furiously ignoring the sounds in his ear. “But I think that... I'm in love with you.”

Jonny stood frozen and unblinking for quite some time, other-Chris dancing around and howling with laughter all the while. A few minutes later, Jonny coughed some air out of his lungs, and Chris flinched as he waited.

“Well, Chris...” Jonny looked down at his hands, furrowing his fair eyebrows. Chris's heart skipped several beats and his stomach was slowly eroding with the acid burning inside and making him undeniably nauseous. Jonny looked back up, and it seemed from his change in expression that he noticed Chris's well-being- or lack thereof. “Are you OK, Chris?”

Chris tried to respond, but it wouldn't work. No words were coming out. He tried to look around to see if his other-self was still being a jerk, but he couldn't move either. Jonny grabbed a hold of Chris's shoulders and shook him a little.

“Chris!” he shouted. Chris blinked, and something weird happened. “Are you OK??” Jonny repeated, honestly frightened.

Chris moved his eyes around. It was light now, and he could see his surroundings perfectly. And there was this heavy weight in his hands. He looked down to see what was causing the bother, and he pieced his findings together with his previous results to deduce that they were doing a soundcheck.

The stadium was mostly empty except for crew, and he was holding onto his guitar. It seemed as though Jonny had his guitar, too, until he placed it on the ground and grabbed onto Chris. Chris looked briefly at his shoulders and Jonny's hand, then raised his eyes to Jonny's deliciously green ones.

He wasn't trying to, of course, but he felt the tears glide down his cheeks as he slowly shook his head. “I need help, Jonny.”

-

“Where are you taking me?” Chris asked. Jonny was driving, Chris sitting in the passenger seat. Jonny briefly looked over to Chris before he returned his focus to the road.

“I'm taking you to the hospital,” he replied. He heaved a great sigh and continued, “I don't know what else to do.”

“Oh.” Chris rested his arm on the door of the car and stared out the window at the passing trees and the other cars around them. He tried his best not to do any thinking, since he was worried that none of this was real. He couldn't tell anymore, and so he thought it best not to really bother with anything at all. “Thank you, Jonny.”

“Of course. Will you tell me about what happened? What you think is wrong with you?”

“I don't know what's wrong with me... but I'll tell you what happened.” Chris let his arm fall as he shifted his eyes over to Jonny. “It's just that I keep... imagining things. Well, I don't even know if this is real.”

“This is real,” Jonny assured him. “It's definitely real.”

Chris frowned in a failed attempt to smile. “I really wish I could believe that, Jonny, but I've been through so much and every time I get close to... it changes.”

“Close to what? What changes?”

“Everything changes. I blink, and I end up in a completely different place than I was before.” Chris shuddered and stared down at his hands clasped in his lap. “It freaks me out, and now I can't tell the difference. It feels real, yeah. It all felt real.”

Chris's voice trailed off and Jonny didn't say anything for a while. The road continued to pass them by as they made their way to the hospital. Chris wasn't sure exactly what they could do for him, probably send him to some sort of psychologist or something. That is, of course, if they made it to the hospital. For all he knew, he could blink and end up floating in space.

“Close to what?” Jonny quietly repeated. He obviously wanted an answer, otherwise he wouldn't have asked twice, but Chris wasn't sure he could give a satisfactory answer. This was the only thing that even remotely persuaded him into thinking this was indeed reality; in all of his other worlds, he seemed to be almost brimming with a sort of courage that he was far from having at the present moment. He looked down and even the thought of telling the carpet how he felt was frightening to him. There was no way he'd get the words out to Jonny.

“It's not really that important,” Chris lied.

“I think it is, if it's what keeps affecting you. I mean, if your... hallucinations or whatever keep changing when it happens, then I would say it's very relevant.” Jonny glanced over at Chris and Chris could see the deep care in his eyes. “But you don't have to tell me. I understand.”

As Chris took those two extra seconds before Jonny turned away to engrave the image of Jonny into his mind, his heart nearly broke. Jonny was his best friend for a variety of reasons, one of them being that he was always so kind and never judgmental, but he was never nosy, either. He was always respectful of other's privacy and Chris truly admired that. But he felt bad because of it, too, because Jonny's careful concern made him want to spill everything, but he wasn't brave enough to.

Jonny realized this, and even though he tried not to show it, he looked a bit sad as he turned back to the road. But it was too late by then, because the car that had swerved into their lane was too close to avoid, and so Jonny's caring eyes were soon sent through glass along with the rest of his body from his waist up. Technically, the glass smashed into him as the front of the car was crushed into the back of the car with an unbelievable force behind it. Chris felt the repercussions, too, but he was at least conscious enough afterward to look over and see Jonny's head resting on what was once the hood of the car, his arms stretched out before him and blood dripping down his face.

Of course, the driver's side was much more damaged than the passenger's. Chris was nearly pinned to his seat, but he knew that he hadn't suffered much more than a concussion. Water began to drip from his eyes and mixed with the blood that ran down his own face, because he knew then that he would make it out alive and well in the end, but Jonny wouldn't. It was impossible for him to, because he was already...

“No, Jonny!” Chris cried out. He gasped for air and reached as far as his limited range of movement would allow. He just barely grazed the sleeve of Jonny's jacket, and as he looked at the other car he hoped that whoever was in there had suffered just as much. Otherwise it was all even less fair than it already was. “I'm s-so sorry...” After all, it was his fault that Jonny had to take him to the hospital anyway, why shouldn't he blame himself? If he hadn't gone crazy... “Jonny, I'm...”


“J-Jonny. I'm Jonny.” Chris shook his head and focused as the man in front of him smiled. He released his grip on Chris's hand, which Chris was only barely aware he'd had. This man's smile seemed to have captivated his attention, along with his rather stunningly green eyes. “It was nice to meet you, Chris.”

“It was nice to meet you, too,” Chris absentmindedly mimed. He had met approximately forty other people on this day- orientation day at the college he'd be attending- and quite a large number of them had been cute and flirty girls, but this man affected him the most. It was almost as if he'd never met any of the others, they were just that unimportant compared to him.

“Well, see ya.” Jonny reinforced his smile and began to turn away. He took a few steps before Chris stopped him.

“Wait!” Chris yelled out, and he was pretty sure it was the best decision of his life. Jonny looked back and waited. “Uh, Jonny... Maybe... maybe you'd like to go out to dinner with me some time?”

Jonny's face lit up with a shocked, but excited expression, and Chris felt his heart warm and his spirits soar. “Yeah, that sounds great,” Jonny grinned.

Chris nearly skipped away, and his happiness carried on long after he'd returned home. He had to find some way to avoid answering his parents when they questioned the ridiculously goofy grin on his face. He gave some crazy answer like, “Oh, I'm just excited to start school!” then ran away. It worked.

So he laid on his bed in serene silence and stared at the ceiling, thinking about that man with the stunning eyes who made his heart flutter just a little when he accepted that dinner invitation. And while Chris couldn't actually predict his future, couldn't actually tell if he did have a future with this man, he was glad that he got it over with now, instead of waiting God knows how many years.