SPIN

There could not have possibly been a worse moment in Chris's life. Why? All of his dreams were about to come true- the ones that had consumed him ever since the first day of ninth grade, anyway- but under all the completely wrong circumstances. It should not have been happening here, in front of a circle comprised of eight other teenagers, all with invasive eyes. And, most importantly, it should have been consensual.

He was roped into the game to begin with. The idea of being able to make out with a bunch of the girls at the party without consequences may have been enticing to the other boys, but Chris was not really interested. Sure, he liked making out with girls every now and then, but he liked it better when it meant something. Not that any kiss he'd ever had actually meant something.

But it was a party, what else was he supposed to do? Chris never handled alcohol well, but he would do almost anything else to feel like he was fitting in. Even if it almost made him miserable. So, when another boy at the party came up to him with an empty beer bottle in his hand and told Chris to come join them, how could he refuse?

The rules were simple: spin the bottle, of course, and kiss whoever it landed on. No matter who they were, boy or girl. No less than ten seconds (“With tongue!” “No, I thought we'd do it with our feet.”). Chris sat down, hoping that it would never stop on him, though he knew that with his luck, it might hardly land on anyone other than him.

Yet, it was at least ten minutes before it even came close to where he sat. It went from boy to girl to boy to girl to boy to girl to boy to girl to girl to boy to girl to boy to girl to boy. There was a discrepancy at one point, as the bottle landed in between two people; one long-haired blond girl by the name of Jeanette and a scruffy looking boy called Justin. It was decided that the boy who had spun the bottle would kiss both of them, then spin again. Another girl, a red-head aptly and boringly named Ginger.

And then it finally landed on Chris. The following seconds were, up to that point, probably the worst ten of his life, and certainly the slowest moving. Ginger was not exactly what Chris would call a good kisser, and she had some perfume on that made her smell like a dead animal. After it was over and Chris sat back in his spot, he still felt like he could smell it. He was afraid it would stick with him forever.

He sighed and grabbed the bottle. It seemed to spin just as slowly as time had passed during his experience with Ginger. He desperately wished the night would end already. When it finally stopped, he lifted his eyes to see who it had landed on. From the shoes alone, it appeared to be another boy. Chris quietly groaned.

But he was really regretting playing the game when he looked up to see a pair of green eyes staring back at him. His breath left him, at least for as long as his brain permitted before it automatically regulated the inflation and deflation of his lungs. He blinked a few times, perhaps to make sure he was seeing correctly.

The boy with the green eyes. The boy who always wore jackets that looked like they were five sizes too large. The boy with the softest, sweetest voice. The boy with the brightest smile in the world. Jonny. The boy who Chris was completely infatuated with. Somehow Chris hadn't noticed he was even there until this moment.

And now they had to kiss. They had to. There was no way out of it, not without being called a coward and being shunned by the rest of the group. Chris couldn't handle that. So, he crawled his way across the circle until he reached the middle. Jonny was less than a foot away from him. He could feel his cheeks flush.

Jonny started to lean in, and Chris started to panic. But he forced himself to lean in as well, because he couldn't show signs of just how nervous he was and just how much this moment meant to him. If anyone found out, he would surely be teased nonstop. He was certain of it.

The moment their lips touched made Chris want to cry. It felt absolutely wonderful, but this was not how it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to magically become friends with Jonny one day, then slowly break his way into Jonny's mind and steal his heart. Then Jonny would confess his feelings, and he would give Chris all the confidence he needed, and Chris would no longer feel the need to try to fit in. He and Jonny would be happy together just the way they were.

But no. His first kiss with Jonny, the thing he had longed for most for years, was the result of what could basically be considered nothing more than a dare. It did help that Jonny didn't seem absolutely revolted by the thought of kissing Chris, but only a small amount.

Chris tried his hardest to act like this wasn't nearly what he wanted, but it was difficult. No matter what he told himself, he found it impossible to not portray his feelings in the way he kissed Jonny. Then, when the ten seconds were sadly gone, Chris pulled back and the look in Jonny's eyes told him that he knew. Of course he knew. As Chris went back to his seat, he hoped that no one else could tell.

Chris kept his eyes on Jonny, unblinkingly, as the other boy took his turn. The feeling still lingered on his tongue, and his chest was still tight. He felt the stab of jealousy as Jonny went and kissed some girl, then he realized that it had brought with it a bought of nausea. It ate away at his stomach for a while, until he had to excuse himself without actually excusing himself, bouncing up on his feet and running into the nearby bathroom.

“What's wrong with him?” someone asked.

“Must have drank too much,” another answered. “Can't handle his booze.”

“He didn't drink anything,” a girl said. “Maybe someone should check on him...”

Seeing no other immediate interest, the girl volunteered herself. She quickly joined Chris in the restroom, where she found him hunched over the toilet bowl.

“Are you all right?” she asked him. Chris looked at her wearily. Without saying anything, he turned back after a few short seconds. “You didn't drink, did you?”

Chris shook his head. He was starting to feel just a little better, most likely due to the fact that his stomach no longer had any content. The girl put her hand on his shoulder, but only moments later withdrew it.

“There's some mouthwash on the sink over there,” she said, blindly pointing behind her. “I would use it if I were you... if you're coming back to the game, you know.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” Chris quietly said to her. A moment later she had left the room. He took his time composing himself, trudged over to the sink and grabbed the bottle of green liquid the girl had been referring to. He felt weird using other people's things like that, but he did it anyway. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Chris tried to reenter the room as calmly and inconspicuously as possible. He thought he might have accidentally caught Jonny's gaze, but he turned his head away too quickly to be certain. He was just about to sit down when one of the other boys spoke.

“What time is it?”

“It's only, like, ten or something. Why, you got a curfew?”

“No... maybe. And anyway, this game is getting old. We've gone around the circle way too many times.”

“Yeah, he's right,” a girl chimed in, the same girl who had checked up on Chris. “And, well, we don't want anyone else to get sick. It could be a virus or something.”

Chris's cheeks burned and his eyes widened a little. Mostly everyone looked at him, and though they all tried to do so as discreetly as possible, it was completely obvious. Now he figured that everyone thought he was diseased or something, and maybe they would try to stay away from him and would consider him as some sort of freak. He ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Well, I don't care what the rest of you do, I'm leaving,” a strong voice said. It was Jonny. Chris lifted his eyes just a little.

Jonny stood up and glanced around the circle. He really did not care if the rest of the partygoers stayed, but before he could move from his spot, several other people stood as well. Chris picked up his head. There were enough people standing now that he felt it was almost required of him to follow.

Therefore, as the crowd of people began to exit the room, Chris jumped up and hesitantly walked out. Once he was outside, he headed towards the road. He didn't even think about how he was going to get home. He figured he would just walk.

But halfway to his destination, he realized that someone was walking next to him. He looked cautiously to see that it was Jonny, whose eyes appeared to be glued on Chris's frame. Chris began to slow down, until finally he came to a complete stop. Jonny stood in front of him and stared for a while.

“Hi, Chris,” Jonny finally spoke.

“Hi,” Chris lamely repeated. Jonny sighed deeply and bit his lip.

“That kiss before... you felt it, too, didn't you?” Chris looked at him with large eyes and gradually nodded. Jonny's eyes bore holes through Chris for a few seconds, then he blinked rapidly in a dazed sort of way. “I... I'm not sure... What I mean is-”

“It was awful,” Chris interjected quickly, “you hated it. OK. It never has to happen again.”

“Well, no, it wasn't awful.” Jonny twiddled his thumbs, looking rather put out. “Did you think it was awful?”

Jonny kept his head down and his gaze averted. Chris silently watched him. Jonny had expected at least some sort of answer- a grunt, maybe, or a full-fledged confession. Anything but silence. He looked back up to see the distress stretched across Chris's expression. Chris said the only thing he could think of.

“This isn't how any of this was supposed to happen.”

Nervously, Jonny rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. He faltered, stumbling to start his sentence approximately twenty times before he finally found the correct wording. “Well, nothing like this has ever even happened to me before. Although, I still don't know exactly what it means. I'd never kissed another boy...”

“But... we both felt... something?” Chris hopefully held his breath as Jonny gave a quick shrug.

“It was more than I felt kissing any of those other people,” Jonny replied. “I don't know, maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. Maybe I should just go home now. I'm sorry for wasting your time.”

Jonny ducked his head and started to walk away. Chris intended on shouting at him to stop, telling Jonny how much he liked him, but all that came out of his mouth was a desperate-sounding, “No.”

“No?” Jonny repeated as he shot a quizzical look at Chris. Chris took a few steps so that he and Jonny were next to each other again.

“You didn't waste my time,” he tentatively began to explain, “and... it could mean something. It could mean a lot, really.”

“Well, OK. Suppose it does mean something.” Jonny scuffed the bottom of his shoe on the ground and continued in a mumbling voice. “What would we do about it?”

“Maybe the first thing might be to... you know, to make sure that it means something,” Chris suggested, attempting to subtly lean closer to Jonny. “We could... reenact...”

“Then what? Because I know that there was something there, but I'm not so comfortable with... being with a guy.”

“Oh. I see.” Chris hid his sadness as well as he could, but inside he could feel his heart breaking just a bit. However, Jonny was privy to Chris's despondency, and he let out a frustrated groan, burying his head in his hands.

“I'm sorry,” he told Chris after he let his arms drop to his sides. “I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Now I just feel like a jackass. Do you like me?”

With great reluctance, Chris replied, “Yeah.” Jonny shot him a look of utter sympathy. Chris was wishing once again that he had just stayed home that evening.

“Then maybe we should hang out sometime. You seem like a nice guy.” Jonny held out his hand momentarily as some sort of gesture. “And who knows? My thoughts on this could change... I could become comfortable with it.”

For a while Chris did not respond. He imagined what it would be like to just be friends with Jonny, but to have that possibility lingering of their relationship becoming something more. It was a lot nicer than the way it had been.

“OK,” he finally agreed. But he wasn't entirely finished. “One quick question, though-do you like me?”

Jonny chuckled. Chris wasn't sure how to take this at first, though hearing Jonny laugh made him a bit happy. “I guess so. You're at least one hell of a good kisser.” Chris couldn't help smiling, and blushing a dash as he did so. “Hey, do you need a ride home? Because I could give you a lift.”

Chris brightened, having completely forgotten that he had planned on merely walking home. He liked this new idea much better. “Uh, yeah, that would be great, actually.”

“All right. And maybe on the way we can start off this whole being friends thing,” Jonny said, and it seemed to be a cue for the two boys to walk off towards the road. “I don't think I know very much about you.”

“I don't think there's very much about me to know.”

Jonny shiftily glared at Chris out of the corner of his eye. “I'm sure there's a lot more to know than you let other people know.”

“OK, that's probably true,” Chris agreed, laughing a little. Jonny laughed with him, and as Chris discreetly admired his newfound friend, he thought that maybe the party hadn't been so dreadful after all.